Captivity and Restoration
by
Mrs. Mary Rowlandson
Narrative of the Captivity and Restoration of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson
The sovereignty and goodness of GOD, together with the
faithfulness of his promises displayed, being a narrative of the
captivity and restoration of Mrs. Mary Rowlandson, commended by
her, to all that desires to know the Lord's doings to, and
dealings with her. Especially to her dear children and
relations. The second Addition [sic] Corrected and amended.
Written by her own hand for her private use, and now made public
at the earnest desire of some friends, and for the benefit of
the afflicted. Deut. 32.39. See now that I, even I am he, and
there is no god with me, I kill and I make alive, I wound and I
heal, neither is there any can deliver out of my hand.
On the tenth of February 1675, came the Indians with great
numbers upon Lancaster: their first coming was about sunrising;
hearing the noise of some guns, we looked out; several houses
were burning, and the smoke ascending to heaven. There were
five persons taken in one house; the father, and the mother and
a sucking child, they knocked on the head; the other two they
took and carried away alive. There were two others, who being
out of their garrison upon some occasion were set upon; one was
knocked on the head, the other escaped; another there was who
running along was shot and wounded, and fell down; he begged of
them his life, promising them money (as they told me) but they
would not hearken to him but knocked him in head, and stripped
him naked, and split open his bowels. Another, seeing many of
the Indians about his barn, ventured and went out, but was
quickly shot down. There were three others belonging to the
same garrison who were killed; the Indians getting up upon the
roof of the barn, had advantage to shoot down upon them over
their fortification. Thus these murderous wretches went on,
burning, and destroying before them.
At length they came and beset our own house, and quickly it was
the dolefulest day that ever mine eyes saw. The house stood
upon the edge of a hill; some of the Indians got behind the
hill, others into the barn, and others behind anything that
could shelter them; from all which places they shot against the
house, so that the bullets seemed to fly like hail; and quickly
they wounded one man among us, then another, and then a third.
About two hours (according to my observation, in that amazing
time) they had been about the house before they prevailed to
fire it (which they did with flax and hemp, which they brought
out of the barn, and there being no defense about the house,
only two flankers at two opposite corners and one of them not
finished); they fired it once and one ventured out and quenched
it, but they quickly fired it again, and that took. Now is the
dreadful hour come, that I have often heard of (in time of war,
as it was the case of others), but now mine eyes see it. Some
in our house were fighting for their lives, others wallowing in
their blood, the house on fire over our heads, and the bloody
heathen ready to knock us on the head, if we stirred out. Now
might we hear mothers and children crying out for themselves,
and one another, "Lord, what shall we do?" Then I took my
children (and one of my sisters', hers) to go forth and leave
the house: but as soon as we came to the door and appeared, the
Indians shot so thick that the bullets rattled against the
house, as if one had taken an handful of stones and threw them,
so that we were fain to give back. We had six stout dogs
belonging to our garrison, but none of them would stir, though
another time, if any Indian had come to the door, they were
ready to fly upon him and tear him down. The Lord hereby would
make us the more acknowledge His hand, and to see that our help
is always in Him. But out we must go, the fire increasing, and
coming along behind us, roaring, and the Indians gaping before
us with their guns, spears, and hatchets to devour us. No
sooner were we out of the house, but my brother-in-law (being
before wounded, in defending the house, in or near the throat)
fell down dead, whereat the Indians scornfully shouted, and
hallowed, and were presently upon him, stripping off his
clothes, the bullets flying thick, one went through my side, and
the same (as would seem) through the bowels and hand of my dear
child in my arms. One of my elder sisters' children, named
William, had then his leg broken, which the Indians perceiving,
they knocked him on [his] head. Thus were we butchered by those
merciless heathen, standing amazed, with the blood running down
to our heels. My eldest sister being yet in the house, and
seeing those woeful sights, the infidels hauling mothers one
way, and children another, and some wallowing in their blood:
and her elder son telling her that her son William was dead, and
myself was wounded, she said, "And Lord, let me die with them,"
which was no sooner said, but she was struck with a bullet, and
fell down dead over the threshold. I hope she is reaping the
fruit of her good labors, being faithful to the service of God
in her place. In her younger years she lay under much trouble
upon spiritual accounts, till it pleased God to make that
precious scripture take hold of her heart, "And he said unto me,
my Grace is sufficient for thee" (2 Corinthians 12.9). More
than twenty years after, I have heard her tell how sweet and
comfortable that place was to her. But to return: the Indians
laid hold of us, pulling me one way, and the children another,
and said, "Come go along with us"; I told them they would kill
me: they answered, if I were willing to go along with them,
they would not hurt me.
Oh the doleful sight that now was to behold at this house!
"Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he has
made in the earth." Of thirty-seven persons who were in this
one house, none escaped either present death, or a bitter
captivity, save only one, who might say as he, "And I only am
escaped alone to tell the News" (Job 1.15). There were twelve
killed, some shot, some stabbed with their spears, some knocked
down with their hatchets. When we are in prosperity, Oh the
little that we think of such dreadful sights, and to see our
dear friends, and relations lie bleeding out their heart-blood
upon the ground. There was one who was chopped into the head
with a hatchet, and stripped naked, and yet was crawling up and
down. It is a solemn sight to see so many Christians lying in
their blood, some here, and some there, like a company of sheep
torn by wolves, all of them stripped naked by a company of
hell-hounds, roaring, singing, ranting, and insulting, as if
they would have torn our very hearts out; yet the Lord by His
almighty power preserved a number of us from death, for there
were twenty-four of us taken alive and carried captive.
I had often before this said that if the Indians should come, I
should choose rather to be killed by them than taken alive, but
when it came to the trial my mind changed; their glittering
weapons so daunted my spirit, that I chose rather to go along
with those (as I may say) ravenous beasts, than that moment to
end my days; and that I may the better declare what happened to
me during that grievous captivity, I shall particularly speak of
the several removes we had up and down the wilderness.
The First Remove
Now away we must go with those barbarous creatures, with our
bodies wounded and bleeding, and our hearts no less than our
bodies. About a mile we went that night, up upon a hill within
sight of the town, where they intended to lodge. There was hard
by a vacant house (deserted by the English before, for fear of
the Indians). I asked them whether I might not lodge in the
house that night, to which they answered, "What, will you love
English men still?" This was the dolefulest night that ever my
eyes saw. Oh the roaring, and singing and dancing, and yelling
of those black creatures in the night, which made the place a
lively resemblance of hell. And as miserable was the waste that
was there made of horses, cattle, sheep, swine, calves, lambs,
roasting pigs, and fowl (which they had plundered in the town),
some roasting, some lying and burning, and some boiling to feed
our merciless enemies; who were joyful enough, though we were
disconsolate. To add to the dolefulness of the former day, and
the dismalness of the present night, my thoughts ran upon my
losses and sad bereaved condition. All was gone, my husband
gone (at least separated from me, he being in the Bay; and to
add to my grief, the Indians told me they would kill him as he
came homeward), my children gone, my relations and friends gone,
our house and home and all our comforts--within door and
without--all was gone (except my life), and I knew not but the
next moment that might go too. There remained nothing to me but
one poor wounded babe, and it seemed at present worse than death
that it was in such a pitiful condition, bespeaking compassion,
and I had no refreshing for it, nor suitable things to revive
it. Little do many think what is the savageness and brutishness
of this barbarous enemy, Ay, even those that seem to profess
more than others among them, when the English have fallen into
their hands.
Those seven that were killed at Lancaster the summer before upon
a Sabbath day, and the one that was afterward killed upon a
weekday, were slain and mangled in a barbarous manner, by
one-eyed John, and Marlborough's Praying Indians, which Capt.
Mosely brought to Boston, as the Indians told me.
The Second Remove
But now, the next morning, I must turn my back upon the town,
and travel with them into the vast and desolate wilderness, I
knew not whither. It is not my tongue, or pen, can express the
sorrows of my heart, and bitterness of my spirit that I had at
this departure: but God was with me in a wonderful manner,
carrying me along, and bearing up my spirit, that it did not
quite fail. One of the Indians carried my poor wounded babe
upon a horse; it went moaning all along, "I shall die, I shall
die." I went on foot after it, with sorrow that cannot be
expressed. At length I took it off the horse, and carried it in
my arms till my strength failed, and I fell down with it. Then
they set me upon a horse with my wounded child in my lap, and
there being no furniture upon the horse's back, as we were going
down a steep hill we both fell over the horse's head, at which
they, like inhumane creatures, laughed, and rejoiced to see it,
though I thought we should there have ended our days, as
overcome with so many difficulties. But the Lord renewed my
strength still, and carried me along, that I might see more of
His power; yea, so much that I could never have thought of, had
I not experienced it.
After this it quickly began to snow, and when night came on,
they stopped, and now down I must sit in the snow, by a little
fire, and a few boughs behind me, with my sick child in my lap;
and calling much for water, being now (through the wound) fallen
into a violent fever. My own wound also growing so stiff that
I could scarce sit down or rise up; yet so it must be, that I
must sit all this cold winter night upon the cold snowy ground,
with my sick child in my arms, looking that every hour would be
the last of its life; and having no Christian friend near me,
either to comfort or help me. Oh, I may see the wonderful power
of God, that my Spirit did not utterly sink under my affliction:
still the Lord upheld me with His gracious and merciful spirit,
and we were both alive to see the light of the next morning.
The Third Remove
The morning being come, they prepared to go on their way. One
of the Indians got up upon a horse, and they set me up behind
him, with my poor sick babe in my lap. A very wearisome and
tedious day I had of it; what with my own wound, and my child's
being so exceeding sick, and in a lamentable condition with her
wound. It may be easily judged what a poor feeble condition we
were in, there being not the least crumb of refreshing that came
within either of our mouths from Wednesday night to Saturday
night, except only a little cold water. This day in the
afternoon, about an hour by sun, we came to the place where they
intended, viz. an Indian town, called Wenimesset, northward of
Quabaug. When we were come, Oh the number of pagans (now
merciless enemies) that there came about me, that I may say as
David, "I had fainted, unless I had believed, etc" (Psalm
27.13). The next day was the Sabbath. I then remembered how
careless I had been of God's holy time; how many Sabbaths I had
lost and misspent, and how evilly I had walked in God's sight;
which lay so close unto my spirit, that it was easy for me to
see how righteous it was with God to cut off the thread of my
life and cast me out of His presence forever. Yet the Lord
still showed mercy to me, and upheld me; and as He wounded me
with one hand, so he healed me with the other. This day there
came to me one Robert Pepper (a man belonging to Roxbury) who
was taken in Captain Beers's fight, and had been now a
considerable time with the Indians; and up with them almost as
far as Albany, to see King Philip, as he told me, and was now
very lately come into these parts. Hearing, I say, that I was
in this Indian town, he obtained leave to come and see me. He
told me he himself was wounded in the leg at Captain Beer's
fight; and was not able some time to go, but as they carried
him, and as he took oaken leaves and laid to his wound, and
through the blessing of God he was able to travel again. Then
I took oaken leaves and laid to my side, and with the blessing
of God it cured me also; yet before the cure was wrought, I may
say, as it is in Psalm 38.5-6 "My wounds stink and are corrupt,
I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly, I go mourning all the
day long." I sat much alone with a poor wounded child in my
lap, which moaned night and day, having nothing to revive the
body, or cheer the spirits of her, but instead of that,
sometimes one Indian would come and tell me one hour that "your
master will knock your child in the head," and then a second,
and then a third, "your master will quickly knock your child in
the head."
This was the comfort I had from them, miserable comforters are
ye all, as he said. Thus nine days I sat upon my knees, with my
babe in my lap, till my flesh was raw again; my child being even
ready to depart this sorrowful world, they bade me carry it out
to another wigwam (I suppose because they would not be troubled
with such spectacles) whither I went with a very heavy heart,
and down I sat with the picture of death in my lap. About two
hours in the night, my sweet babe like a lamb departed this life
on Feb. 18, 1675. It being about six years, and five months
old. It was nine days from the first wounding, in this
miserable condition, without any refreshing of one nature or
other, except a little cold water. I cannot but take notice how
at another time I could not bear to be in the room where any
dead person was, but now the case is changed; I must and could
lie down by my dead babe, side by side all the night after. I
have thought since of the wonderful goodness of God to me in
preserving me in the use of my reason and senses in that
distressed time, that I did not use wicked and violent means to
end my own miserable life. In the morning, when they understood
that my child was dead they sent for me home to my master's
wigwam (by my master in this writing, must be understood
Quinnapin, who was a Sagamore, and married King Philip's wife's
sister; not that he first took me, but I was sold to him by
another Narragansett Indian, who took me when first I came out
of the garrison). I went to take up my dead child in my arms to
carry it with me, but they bid me let it alone; there was no
resisting, but go I must and leave it. When I had been at my
master's wigwam, I took the first opportunity I could get to go
look after my dead child. When I came I asked them what they
had done with it; then they told me it was upon the hill. Then
they went and showed me where it was, where I saw the ground was
newly digged, and there they told me they had buried it. There
I left that child in the wilderness, and must commit it, and
myself also in this wilderness condition, to Him who is above
all. God having taken away this dear child, I went to see my
daughter Mary, who was at this same Indian town, at a wigwam not
very far off, though we had little liberty or opportunity to see
one another. She was about ten years old, and taken from the
door at first by a Praying Ind. and afterward sold for a gun.
When I came in sight, she would fall aweeping; at which they
were provoked, and would not let me come near her, but bade me
be gone; which was a heart-cutting word to me. I had one child
dead, another in the wilderness, I knew not where, the third
they would not let me come near to: "Me (as he said) have ye
bereaved of my Children, Joseph is not, and Simeon is not, and
ye will take Benjamin also, all these things are against me."
I could not sit still in this condition, but kept walking from
one place to another. And as I was going along, my heart was
even overwhelmed with the thoughts of my condition, and that I
should have children, and a nation which I knew not, ruled over
them. Whereupon I earnestly entreated the Lord, that He would
consider my low estate, and show me a token for good, and if it
were His blessed will, some sign and hope of some relief. And
indeed quickly the Lord answered, in some measure, my poor
prayers; for as I was going up and down mourning and lamenting
my condition, my son came to me, and asked me how I did. I had
not seen him before, since the destruction of the town, and I
knew not where he was, till I was informed by himself, that he
was amongst a smaller parcel of Indians, whose place was about
six miles off. With tears in his eyes, he asked me whether his
sister Sarah was dead; and told me he had seen his sister Mary;
and prayed me, that I would not be troubled in reference to
himself. The occasion of his coming to see me at this time, was
this: there was, as I said, about six miles from us, a small
plantation of Indians, where it seems he had been during his
captivity; and at this time, there were some forces of the Ind.
gathered out of our company, and some also from them (among whom
was my son's master) to go to assault and burn Medfield. In
this time of the absence of his master, his dame brought him to
see me. I took this to be some gracious answer to my earnest
and unfeigned desire. The next day, viz. to this, the Indians
returned from Medfield, all the company, for those that belonged
to the other small company, came through the town that now we
were at. But before they came to us, Oh! the outrageous roaring
and hooping that there was. They began their din about a mile
before they came to us. By their noise and hooping they
signified how many they had destroyed (which was at that time
twenty-three). Those that were with us at home were gathered
together as soon as they heard the hooping, and every time that
the other went over their number, these at home gave a shout,
that the very earth rung again. And thus they continued till
those that had been upon the expedition were come up to the
Sagamore's wigwam; and then, Oh, the hideous insulting and
triumphing that there was over some Englishmen's scalps that
they had taken (as their manner is) and brought with them. I
cannot but take notice of the wonderful mercy of God to me in
those afflictions, in sending me a Bible. One of the Indians
that came from Medfield fight, had brought some plunder, came to
me, and asked me, if I would have a Bible, he had got one in his
basket. I was glad of it, and asked him, whether he thought the
Indians would let me read? He answered, yes. So I took the
Bible, and in that melancholy time, it came into my mind to read
first the 28th chapter of Deuteronomy, which I did, and when I
had read it, my dark heart wrought on this manner: that there
was no mercy for me, that the blessings were gone, and the
curses come in their room, and that I had lost my opportunity.
But the Lord helped me still to go on reading till I came to
Chap. 30, the seven first verses, where I found, there was mercy
promised again, if we would return to Him by repentance; and
though we were scattered from one end of the earth to the other,
yet the Lord would gather us together, and turn all those curses
upon our enemies. I do not desire to live to forget this
Scripture, and what comfort it was to me.
Now the Ind. began to talk of removing from this place, some
one way, and some another. There were now besides myself nine
English captives in this place (all of them children, except one
woman). I got an opportunity to go and take my leave of them.
They being to go one way, and I another, I asked them whether
they were earnest with God for deliverance. They told me they
did as they were able, and it was some comfort to me, that the
Lord stirred up children to look to Him. The woman, viz.
goodwife Joslin, told me she should never see me again, and that
she could find in her heart to run away. I wished her not to
run away by any means, for we were near thirty miles from any
English town, and she very big with child, and had but one week
to reckon, and another child in her arms, two years old, and bad
rivers there were to go over, and we were feeble, with our poor
and coarse entertainment. I had my Bible with me, I pulled it
out, and asked her whether she would read. We opened the Bible
and lighted on Psalm 27, in which Psalm we especially took
notice of that, ver. ult., "Wait on the Lord, Be of good
courage, and he shall strengthen thine Heart, wait I say on the
Lord."
The Fourth Remove
And now I must part with that little company I had. Here I
parted from my daughter Mary (whom I never saw again till I saw
her in Dorchester, returned from captivity), and from four
little cousins and neighbors, some of which I never saw
afterward: the Lord only knows the end of them. Amongst them
also was that poor woman before mentioned, who came to a sad
end, as some of the company told me in my travel: she having
much grief upon her spirit about her miserable condition, being
so near her time, she would be often asking the Indians to let
her go home; they not being willing to that, and yet vexed with
her importunity, gathered a great company together about her and
stripped her naked, and set her in the midst of them, and when
they had sung and danced about her (in their hellish manner) as
long as they pleased they knocked her on head, and the child in
her arms with her. When they had done that they made a fire and
put them both into it, and told the other children that were
with them that if they attempted to go home, they would serve
them in like manner. The children said she did not shed one
tear, but prayed all the while. But to return to my own
journey, we traveled about half a day or little more, and came
to a desolate place in the wilderness, where there were no
wigwams or inhabitants before; we came about the middle of the
afternoon to this place, cold and wet, and snowy, and hungry,
and weary, and no refreshing for man but the cold ground to sit
on, and our poor Indian cheer.
Heart-aching thoughts here I had about my poor children, who
were scattered up and down among the wild beasts of the forest.
My head was light and dizzy (either through hunger or hard
lodging, or trouble or all together), my knees feeble, my body
raw by sitting double night and day, that I cannot express to
man the affliction that lay upon my spirit, but the Lord helped
me at that time to express it to Himself. I opened my Bible to
read, and the Lord brought that precious Scripture to me. "Thus
saith the Lord, refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes
from tears, for thy work shall be rewarded, and they shall come
again from the land of the enemy" (Jeremiah 31.16). This was a
sweet cordial to me when I was ready to faint; many and many a
time have I sat down and wept sweetly over this Scripture. At
this place we continued about four days.
The Fifth Remove
The occasion (as I thought) of their moving at this time was the
English army, it being near and following them. For they went
as if they had gone for their lives, for some considerable way,
and then they made a stop, and chose some of their stoutest men,
and sent them back to hold the English army in play whilst the
rest escaped. And then, like Jehu, they marched on furiously,
with their old and with their young: some carried their old
decrepit mothers, some carried one, and some another. Four of
them carried a great Indian upon a bier; but going through a
thick wood with him, they were hindered, and could make no
haste, whereupon they took him upon their backs, and carried
him, one at a time, till they came to Banquaug river. Upon a
Friday, a little after noon, we came to this river. When all
the company was come up, and were gathered together, I thought
to count the number of them, but they were so many, and being
somewhat in motion, it was beyond my skill. In this travel,
because of my wound, I was somewhat favored in my load; I
carried only my knitting work and two quarts of parched meal.
Being very faint I asked my mistress to give me one spoonful of
the meal, but she would not give me a taste. They quickly fell
to cutting dry trees, to make rafts to carry them over the
river: and soon my turn came to go over. By the advantage of
some brush which they had laid upon the raft to sit upon, I did
not wet my foot (which many of themselves at the other end were
mid-leg deep) which cannot but be acknowledged as a favor of God
to my weakened body, it being a very cold time. I was not
before acquainted with such kind of doings or dangers. "When
thou passeth through the waters I will be with thee, and through
the rivers they shall not overflow thee" (Isaiah 43.2). A
certain number of us got over the river that night, but it was
the night after the Sabbath before all the company was got over.
On the Saturday they boiled an old horse's leg which they had
got, and so we drank of the broth, as soon as they thought it
was ready, and when it was almost all gone, they filled it up
again.
The first week of my being among them I hardly ate any thing;
the second week I found my stomach grow very faint for want of
something; and yet it was very hard to get down their filthy
trash; but the third week, though I could think how formerly my
stomach would turn against this or that, and I could starve and
die before I could eat such things, yet they were sweet and
savory to my taste. I was at this time knitting a pair of white
cotton stockings for my mistress; and had not yet wrought upon
a Sabbath day. When the Sabbath came they bade me go to work.
I told them it was the Sabbath day, and desired them to let me
rest, and told them I would do as much more tomorrow; to which
they answered me they would break my face. And here I cannot
but take notice of the strange providence of God in preserving
the heathen. They were many hundreds, old and young, some sick,
and some lame; many had papooses at their backs. The greatest
number at this time with us were squaws, and they traveled with
all they had, bag and baggage, and yet they got over this river
aforesaid; and on Monday they set their wigwams on fire, and
away they went. On that very day came the English army after
them to this river, and saw the smoke of their wigwams, and yet
this river put a stop to them. God did not give them courage or
activity to go over after us. We were not ready for so great a
mercy as victory and deliverance. If we had been God would have
found out a way for the English to have passed this river, as
well as for the Indians with their squaws and children, and all
their luggage. "Oh that my people had hearkened to me, and
Israel had walked in my ways, I should soon have subdued their
enemies, and turned my hand against their adversaries" (Psalm
81.13-14).
The Sixth Remove
On Monday (as I said) they set their wigwams on fire and went
away. It was a cold morning, and before us there was a great
brook with ice on it; some waded through it, up to the knees and
higher, but others went till they came to a beaver dam, and I
amongst them, where through the good providence of God, I did
not wet my foot. I went along that day mourning and lamenting,
leaving farther my own country, and traveling into a vast and
howling wilderness, and I understood something of Lot's wife's
temptation, when she looked back. We came that day to a great
swamp, by the side of which we took up our lodging that night.
When I came to the brow of the hill, that looked toward the
swamp, I thought we had been come to a great Indian town (though
there were none but our own company). The Indians were as thick
as the trees: it seemed as if there had been a thousand
hatchets going at once. If one looked before one there was
nothing but Indians, and behind one, nothing but Indians, and so
on either hand, I myself in the midst, and no Christian soul
near me, and yet how hath the Lord preserved me in safety? Oh
the experience that I have had of the goodness of God, to me and
mine!
The Seventh Remove
After a restless and hungry night there, we had a wearisome time
of it the next day. The swamp by which we lay was, as it were,
a deep dungeon, and an exceeding high and steep hill before it.
Before I got to the top of the hill, I thought my heart and
legs, and all would have broken, and failed me. What, through
faintness and soreness of body, it was a grievous day of travel
to me. As we went along, I saw a place where English cattle had
been. That was comfort to me, such as it was. Quickly after
that we came to an English path, which so took with me, that I
thought I could have freely lyen down and died. That day, a
little after noon, we came to Squakeag, where the Indians
quickly spread themselves over the deserted English fields,
gleaning what they could find. Some picked up ears of wheat
that were crickled down; some found ears of Indian corn; some
found ground nuts, and others sheaves of wheat that were frozen
together in the shock, and went to threshing of them out.
Myself got two ears of Indian corn, and whilst I did but turn my
back, one of them was stolen from me, which much troubled me.
There came an Indian to them at that time with a basket of horse
liver. I asked him to give me a piece. "What," says he, "can
you eat horse liver?" I told him, I would try, if he would give
a piece, which he did, and I laid it on the coals to roast. But
before it was half ready they got half of it away from me, so
that I was fain to take the rest and eat it as it was, with the
blood about my mouth, and yet a savory bit it was to me: "For
to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet." A solemn sight
methought it was, to see fields of wheat and Indian corn
forsaken and spoiled and the remainders of them to be food for
our merciless enemies. That night we had a mess of wheat for
our supper.
The Eighth Remove
On the morrow morning we must go over the river, i.e.
Connecticut, to meet with King Philip. Two canoes full they had
carried over; the next turn I myself was to go. But as my foot
was upon the canoe to step in there was a sudden outcry among
them, and I must step back, and instead of going over the river,
I must go four or five miles up the river farther northward.
Some of the Indians ran one way, and some another. The cause of
this rout was, as I thought, their espying some English scouts,
who were thereabout. In this travel up the river about noon the
company made a stop, and sat down; some to eat, and others to
rest them. As I sat amongst them, musing of things past, my son
Joseph unexpectedly came to me. We asked of each other's
welfare, bemoaning our doleful condition, and the change that
had come upon us. We had husband and father, and children, and
sisters, and friends, and relations, and house, and home, and
many comforts of this life: but now we may say, as Job, "Naked
came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return: the
Lord gave, the Lord hath taken away, blessed be the name of the
Lord." I asked him whether he would read. He told me he
earnestly desired it, I gave him my Bible, and he lighted upon
that comfortable Scripture "I shall not die but live, and
declare the works of the Lord: the Lord hath chastened me sore
yet he hath not given me over to death" (Psalm 118.17-18).
"Look here, mother," says he, "did you read this?" And here I
may take occasion to mention one principal ground of my setting
forth these lines: even as the psalmist says, to declare the
works of the Lord, and His wonderful power in carrying us along,
preserving us in the wilderness, while under the enemy's hand,
and returning of us in safety again. And His goodness in
bringing to my hand so many comfortable and suitable scriptures
in my distress. But to return, we traveled on till night; and
in the morning, we must go over the river to Philip's crew.
When I was in the canoe I could not but be amazed at the
numerous crew of pagans that were on the bank on the other side.
When I came ashore, they gathered all about me, I sitting alone
in the midst. I observed they asked one another questions, and
laughed, and rejoiced over their gains and victories. Then my
heart began to fail: and I fell aweeping, which was the first
time to my remembrance, that I wept before them. Although I had
met with so much affliction, and my heart was many times ready
to break, yet could I not shed one tear in their sight; but
rather had been all this while in a maze, and like one
astonished. But now I may say as Psalm 137.1, "By the Rivers of
Babylon, there we sate down: yea, we wept when we remembered
Zion." There one of them asked me why I wept. I could hardly
tell what to say: Yet I answered, they would kill me. "No,"
said he, "none will hurt you." Then came one of them and gave
me two spoonfuls of meal to comfort me, and another gave me half
a pint of peas; which was more worth than many bushels at
another time. Then I went to see King Philip. He bade me come
in and sit down, and asked me whether I would smoke it (a usual
compliment nowadays amongst saints and sinners) but this no way
suited me. For though I had formerly used tobacco, yet I had
left it ever since I was first taken. It seems to be a bait the
devil lays to make men lose their precious time. I remember
with shame how formerly, when I had taken two or three pipes, I
was presently ready for another, such a bewitching thing it is.
But I thank God, He has now given me power over it; surely there
are many who may be better employed than to lie sucking a
stinking tobacco-pipe.
Now the Indians gather their forces to go against Northampton.
Over night one went about yelling and hooting to give notice of
the design. Whereupon they fell to boiling of ground nuts, and
parching of corn (as many as had it) for their provision; and in
the morning away they went. During my abode in this place,
Philip spake to me to make a shirt for his boy, which I did, for
which he gave me a shilling. I offered the money to my master,
but he bade me keep it; and with it I bought a piece of horse
flesh. Afterwards he asked me to make a cap for his boy, for
which he invited me to dinner. I went, and he gave me a
pancake, about as big as two fingers. It was made of parched
wheat, beaten, and fried in bear's grease, but I thought I never
tasted pleasanter meat in my life. There was a squaw who spake
to me to make a shirt for her sannup, for which she gave me a
piece of bear. Another asked me to knit a pair of stockings,
for which she gave me a quart of peas. I boiled my peas and
bear together, and invited my master and mistress to dinner; but
the proud gossip, because I served them both in one dish, would
eat nothing, except one bit that he gave her upon the point of
his knife. Hearing that my son was come to this place, I went
to see him, and found him lying flat upon the ground. I asked
him how he could sleep so? He answered me that he was not
asleep, but at prayer; and lay so, that they might not observe
what he was doing. I pray God he may remember these things now
he is returned in safety. At this place (the sun now getting
higher) what with the beams and heat of the sun, and the smoke
of the wigwams, I thought I should have been blind. I could
scarce discern one wigwam from another. There was here one Mary
Thurston of Medfield, who seeing how it was with me, lent me a
hat to wear; but as soon as I was gone, the squaw (who owned
that Mary Thurston) came running after me, and got it away
again. Here was the squaw that gave me one spoonful of meal.
I put it in my pocket to keep it safe. Yet notwithstanding,
somebody stole it, but put five Indian corns in the room of it;
which corns were the greatest provisions I had in my travel for
one day.
The Indians returning from Northampton, brought with them some
horses, and sheep, and other things which they had taken; I
desired them that they would carry me to Albany upon one of
those horses, and sell me for powder: for so they had sometimes
discoursed. I was utterly hopeless of getting home on foot, the
way that I came. I could hardly bear to think of the many weary
steps I had taken, to come to this place.
The Ninth Remove
But instead of going either to Albany or homeward, we must go
five miles up the river, and then go over it. Here we abode a
while. Here lived a sorry Indian, who spoke to me to make him
a shirt. When I had done it, he would pay me nothing. But he
living by the riverside, where I often went to fetch water, I
would often be putting of him in mind, and calling for my pay:
At last he told me if I would make another shirt, for a papoose
not yet born, he would give me a knife, which he did when I had
done it. I carried the knife in, and my master asked me to give
it him, and I was not a little glad that I had anything that
they would accept of, and be pleased with. When we were at this
place, my master's maid came home; she had been gone three weeks
into the Narragansett country to fetch corn, where they had
stored up some in the ground. She brought home about a peck and
half of corn. This was about the time that their great captain,
Naananto, was killed in the Narragansett country. My son being
now about a mile from me, I asked liberty to go and see him;
they bade me go, and away I went; but quickly lost myself,
traveling over hills and through swamps, and could not find the
way to him. And I cannot but admire at the wonderful power and
goodness of God to me, in that, though I was gone from home, and
met with all sorts of Indians, and those I had no knowledge of,
and there being no Christian soul near me; yet not one of them
offered the least imaginable miscarriage to me. I turned
homeward again, and met with my master. He showed me the way to
my son. When I came to him I found him not well: and withall
he had a boil on his side, which much troubled him. We bemoaned
one another a while, as the Lord helped us, and then I returned
again. When I was returned, I found myself as unsatisfied as I
was before. I went up and down mourning and lamenting; and my
spirit was ready to sink with the thoughts of my poor children.
My son was ill, and I could not but think of his mournful looks,
and no Christian friend was near him, to do any office of love
for him, either for soul or body. And my poor girl, I knew not
where she was, nor whether she was sick, or well, or alive, or
dead. I repaired under these thoughts to my Bible (my great
comfort in that time) and that Scripture came to my hand, "Cast
thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee" (Psalm
55.22).
But I was fain to go and look after something to satisfy my
hunger, and going among the wigwams, I went into one and there
found a squaw who showed herself very kind to me, and gave me a
piece of bear. I put it into my pocket, and came home, but
could not find an opportunity to broil it, for fear they would
get it from me, and there it lay all that day and night in my
stinking pocket. In the morning I went to the same squaw, who
had a kettle of ground nuts boiling. I asked her to let me boil
my piece of bear in her kettle, which she did, and gave me some
ground nuts to eat with it: and I cannot but think how pleasant
it was to me. I have sometime seen bear baked very handsomely
among the English, and some like it, but the thought that it was
bear made me tremble. But now that was savory to me that one
would think was enough to turn the stomach of a brute creature.
One bitter cold day I could find no room to sit down before the
fire. I went out, and could not tell what to do, but I went in
to another wigwam, where they were also sitting round the fire,
but the squaw laid a skin for me, and bid me sit down, and gave
me some ground nuts, and bade me come again; and told me they
would buy me, if they were able, and yet these were strangers to
me that I never saw before.
The Tenth Remove
That day a small part of the company removed about three-
quarters of a mile, intending further the next day. When they
came to the place where they intended to lodge, and had pitched
their wigwams, being hungry, I went again back to the place we
were before at, to get something to eat, being encouraged by the
squaw's kindness, who bade me come again. When I was there,
there came an Indian to look after me, who when he had found me,
kicked me all along. I went home and found venison roasting
that night, but they would not give me one bit of it. Sometimes
I met with favor, and sometimes with nothing but frowns.
The Eleventh Remove
The next day in the morning they took their travel, intending a
day's journey up the river. I took my load at my back, and
quickly we came to wade over the river; and passed over tiresome
and wearisome hills. One hill was so steep that I was fain to
creep up upon my knees, and to hold by the twigs and bushes to
keep myself from falling backward. My head also was so light
that I usually reeled as I went; but I hope all these wearisome
steps that I have taken, are but a forewarning to me of the
heavenly rest: "I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right,
and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me" (Psalm 119.75).
The Twelfth Remove
It was upon a Sabbath-day-morning, that they prepared for their
travel. This morning I asked my master whether he would sell me
to my husband. He answered me "Nux," which did much rejoice my
spirit. My mistress, before we went, was gone to the burial of
a papoose, and returning, she found me sitting and reading in my
Bible; she snatched it hastily out of my hand, and threw it out
of doors. I ran out and catched it up, and put it into my
pocket, and never let her see it afterward. Then they packed up
their things to be gone, and gave me my load. I complained it
was too heavy, whereupon she gave me a slap in the face, and
bade me go; I lifted up my heart to God, hoping the redemption
was not far off; and the rather because their insolency grew
worse and worse.
But the thoughts of my going homeward (for so we bent our
course) much cheered my spirit, and made my burden seem light,
and almost nothing at all. But (to my amazement and great
perplexity) the scale was soon turned; for when we had gone a
little way, on a sudden my mistress gives out; she would go no
further, but turn back again, and said I must go back again with
her, and she called her sannup, and would have had him gone back
also, but he would not, but said he would go on, and come to us
again in three days. My spirit was, upon this, I confess, very
impatient, and almost outrageous. I thought I could as well
have died as went back; I cannot declare the trouble that I was
in about it; but yet back again I must go. As soon as I had the
opportunity, I took my Bible to read, and that quieting
Scripture came to my hand, "Be still, and know that I am God"
(Psalm 46.10). Which stilled my spirit for the present. But a
sore time of trial, I concluded, I had to go through, my master
being gone, who seemed to me the best friend that I had of an
Indian, both in cold and hunger, and quickly so it proved. Down
I sat, with my heart as full as it could hold, and yet so hungry
that I could not sit neither; but going out to see what I could
find, and walking among the trees, I found six acorns, and two
chestnuts, which were some refreshment to me. Towards night I
gathered some sticks for my own comfort, that I might not lie
a-cold; but when we came to lie down they bade me to go out, and
lie somewhere else, for they had company (they said) come in
more than their own. I told them, I could not tell where to go,
they bade me go look; I told them, if I went to another wigwam
they would be angry, and send me home again. Then one of the
company drew his sword, and told me he would run me through if
I did not go presently. Then was I fain to stoop to this rude
fellow, and to go out in the night, I knew not whither. Mine
eyes have seen that fellow afterwards walking up and down
Boston, under the appearance of a Friend Indian, and several
others of the like cut. I went to one wigwam, and they told me
they had no room. Then I went to another, and they said the
same; at last an old Indian bade me to come to him, and his
squaw gave me some ground nuts; she gave me also something to
lay under my head, and a good fire we had; and through the good
providence of God, I had a comfortable lodging that night. In
the morning, another Indian bade me come at night, and he would
give me six ground nuts, which I did. We were at this place and
time about two miles from [the] Connecticut river. We went in
the morning to gather ground nuts, to the river, and went back
again that night. I went with a good load at my back (for they
when they went, though but a little way, would carry all their
trumpery with them). I told them the skin was off my back, but
I had no other comforting answer from them than this: that it
would be no matter if my head were off too.
The Thirteenth Remove
Instead of going toward the Bay, which was that I desired, I
must go with them five or six miles down the river into a mighty
thicket of brush; where we abode almost a fortnight. Here one
asked me to make a shirt for her papoose, for which she gave me
a mess of broth, which was thickened with meal made of the bark
of a tree, and to make it the better, she had put into it about
a handful of peas, and a few roasted ground nuts. I had not
seen my son a pretty while, and here was an Indian of whom I
made inquiry after him, and asked him when he saw him. He
answered me that such a time his master roasted him, and that
himself did eat a piece of him, as big as his two fingers, and
that he was very good meat. But the Lord upheld my Spirit,
under this discouragement; and I considered their horrible
addictedness to lying, and that there is not one of them that
makes the least conscience of speaking of truth. In this place,
on a cold night, as I lay by the fire, I removed a stick that
kept the heat from me. A squaw moved it down again, at which I
looked up, and she threw a handful of ashes in mine eyes. I
thought I should have been quite blinded, and have never seen
more, but lying down, the water run out of my eyes, and carried
the dirt with it, that by the morning I recovered my sight
again. Yet upon this, and the like occasions, I hope it is not
too much to say with Job, "Have pity upon me, O ye my Friends,
for the Hand of the Lord has touched me." And here I cannot but
remember how many times sitting in their wigwams, and musing on
things past, I should suddenly leap up and run out, as if I had
been at home, forgetting where I was, and what my condition was;
but when I was without, and saw nothing but wilderness, and
woods, and a company of barbarous heathens, my mind quickly
returned to me, which made me think of that, spoken concerning
Sampson, who said, "I will go out and shake myself as at other
times, but he wist not that the Lord was departed from him."
About this time I began to think that all my hopes of
restoration would come to nothing. I thought of the English
army, and hoped for their coming, and being taken by them, but
that failed. I hoped to be carried to Albany, as the Indians
had discoursed before, but that failed also. I thought of being
sold to my husband, as my master spake, but instead of that, my
master himself was gone, and I left behind, so that my spirit
was now quite ready to sink. I asked them to let me go out and
pick up some sticks, that I might get alone, and pour out my
heart unto the Lord. Then also I took my Bible to read, but I
found no comfort here neither, which many times I was wont to
find. So easy a thing it is with God to dry up the streams of
Scripture comfort from us. Yet I can say, that in all my
sorrows and afflictions, God did not leave me to have my
impatience work towards Himself, as if His ways were
unrighteous. But I knew that He laid upon me less than I
deserved. Afterward, before this doleful time ended with me, I
was turning the leaves of my Bible, and the Lord brought to me
some Scriptures, which did a little revive me, as that [in]
Isaiah 55.8: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither
are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." And also that [in]
Psalm 37.5: "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him;
and he shall bring it to pass." About this time they came
yelping from Hadley, where they had killed three Englishmen, and
brought one captive with them, viz. Thomas Read. They all
gathered about the poor man, asking him many questions. I
desired also to go and see him; and when I came, he was crying
bitterly, supposing they would quickly kill him. Whereupon I
asked one of them, whether they intended to kill him; he
answered me, they would not. He being a little cheered with
that, I asked him about the welfare of my husband. He told me
he saw him such a time in the Bay, and he was well, but very
melancholy. By which I certainly understood (though I suspected
it before) that whatsoever the Indians told me respecting him
was vanity and lies. Some of them told me he was dead, and they
had killed him; some said he was married again, and that the
Governor wished him to marry; and told him he should have his
choice, and that all persuaded I was dead. So like were these
barbarous creatures to him who was a liar from the beginning.
As I was sitting once in the wigwam here, Philip's maid came in
with the child in her arms, and asked me to give her a piece of
my apron, to make a flap for it. I told her I would not. Then
my mistress bade me give it, but still I said no. The maid told
me if I would not give her a piece, she would tear a piece off
it. I told her I would tear her coat then. With that my
mistress rises up, and take up a stick big enough to have killed
me, and struck at me with it. But I stepped out, and she struck
the stick into the mat of the wigwam. But while she was pulling
of it out I ran to the maid and gave her all my apron, and so
that storm went over.
Hearing that my son was come to this place, I went to see him,
and told him his father was well, but melancholy. He told me he
was as much grieved for his father as for himself. I wondered
at his speech, for I thought I had enough upon my spirit in
reference to myself, to make me mindless of my husband and
everyone else; they being safe among their friends. He told me
also, that awhile before, his master (together with other
Indians) were going to the French for powder; but by the way the
Mohawks met with them, and killed four of their company, which
made the rest turn back again, for it might have been worse with
him, had he been sold to the French, than it proved to be in his
remaining with the Indians.
I went to see an English youth in this place, one John Gilbert
of Springfield. I found him lying without doors, upon the
ground. I asked him how he did? He told me he was very sick of
a flux, with eating so much blood. They had turned him out of
the wigwam, and with him an Indian papoose, almost dead (whose
parents had been killed), in a bitter cold day, without fire or
clothes. The young man himself had nothing on but his shirt and
waistcoat. This sight was enough to melt a heart of flint.
There they lay quivering in the cold, the youth round like a
dog, the papoose stretched out with his eyes and nose and mouth
full of dirt, and yet alive, and groaning. I advised John to go
and get to some fire. He told me he could not stand, but I
persuaded him still, lest he should lie there and die. And with
much ado I got him to a fire, and went myself home. As soon as
I was got home his master's daughter came after me, to know what
I had done with the Englishman. I told her I had got him to a
fire in such a place. Now had I need to pray Paul's Prayer
"That we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men" (2
Thessalonians 3.2). For her satisfaction I went along with her,
and brought her to him; but before I got home again it was
noised about that I was running away and getting the English
youth, along with me; that as soon as I came in they began to
rant and domineer, asking me where I had been, and what I had
been doing? and saying they would knock him on the head. I told
them I had been seeing the English youth, and that I would not
run away. They told me I lied, and taking up a hatchet, they
came to me, and said they would knock me down if I stirred out
again, and so confined me to the wigwam. Now may I say with
David, "I am in a great strait" (2 Samuel 24.14). If I keep in,
I must die with hunger, and if I go out, I must be knocked in
head. This distressed condition held that day, and half the
next. And then the Lord remembered me, whose mercies are great.
Then came an Indian to me with a pair of stockings that were too
big for him, and he would have me ravel them out, and knit them
fit for him. I showed myself willing, and bid him ask my
mistress if I might go along with him a little way; she said
yes, I might, but I was not a little refreshed with that news,
that I had my liberty again. Then I went along with him, and he
gave me some roasted ground nuts, which did again revive my
feeble stomach.
Being got out of her sight, I had time and liberty again to look
into my Bible; which was my guide by day, and my pillow by
night. Now that comfortable Scripture presented itself to me,
"For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies
will I gather thee" (Isaiah 54.7). Thus the Lord carried me
along from one time to another, and made good to me this
precious promise, and many others. Then my son came to see me,
and I asked his master to let him stay awhile with me, that I
might comb his head, and look over him, for he was almost
overcome with lice. He told me, when I had done, that he was
very hungry, but I had nothing to relieve him, but bid him go
into the wigwams as he went along, and see if he could get any
thing among them. Which he did, and it seems tarried a little
too long; for his master was angry with him, and beat him, and
then sold him. Then he came running to tell me he had a new
master, and that he had given him some ground nuts already.
Then I went along with him to his new master who told me he
loved him, and he should not want. So his master carried him
away, and I never saw him afterward, till I saw him at
Piscataqua in Portsmouth.
That night they bade me go out of the wigwam again. My
mistress's papoose was sick, and it died that night, and there
was one benefit in it--that there was more room. I went to a
wigwam, and they bade me come in, and gave me a skin to lie
upon, and a mess of venison and ground nuts, which was a choice
dish among them. On the morrow they buried the papoose, and
afterward, both morning and evening, there came a company to
mourn and howl with her; though I confess I could not much
condole with them. Many sorrowful days I had in this place,
often getting alone. "Like a crane, or a swallow, so did I
chatter; I did mourn as a dove, mine eyes ail with looking
upward. Oh, Lord, I am oppressed; undertake for me" (Isaiah
38.14). I could tell the Lord, as Hezekiah, "Remember now O
Lord, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth."
Now had I time to examine all my ways: my conscience did not
accuse me of unrighteousness toward one or other; yet I saw how
in my walk with God, I had been a careless creature. As David
said, "Against thee, thee only have I sinned": and I might say
with the poor publican, "God be merciful unto me a sinner." On
the Sabbath days, I could look upon the sun and think how people
were going to the house of God, to have their souls refreshed;
and then home, and their bodies also; but I was destitute of
both; and might say as the poor prodigal, "He would fain have
filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat, and no
man gave unto him" (Luke 15.16). For I must say with him,
"Father, I have sinned against Heaven and in thy sight." I
remembered how on the night before and after the Sabbath, when
my family was about me, and relations and neighbors with us, we
could pray and sing, and then refresh our bodies with the good
creatures of God; and then have a comfortable bed to lie down
on; but instead of all this, I had only a little swill for the
body and then, like a swine, must lie down on the ground. I
cannot express to man the sorrow that lay upon my spirit; the
Lord knows it. Yet that comfortable Scripture would often come
to mind, "For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with
great mercies will I gather thee."
The Fourteenth Remove
Now must we pack up and be gone from this thicket, bending our
course toward the Baytowns; I having nothing to eat by the way
this day, but a few crumbs of cake, that an Indian gave my girl
the same day we were taken. She gave it me, and I put it in my
pocket; there it lay, till it was so moldy (for want of good
baking) that one could not tell what it was made of; it fell all
to crumbs, and grew so dry and hard, that it was like little
flints; and this refreshed me many times, when I was ready to
faint. It was in my thoughts when I put it into my mouth, that
if ever I returned, I would tell the world what a blessing the
Lord gave to such mean food. As we went along they killed a
deer, with a young one in her, they gave me a piece of the fawn.
and it was so young and tender, that one might eat the bones as
well as the flesh, and yet I thought it very good. When night
came on we sat down; it rained, but they quickly got up a bark
wigwam, where I lay dry that night. I looked out in the
morning, and many of them had lain in the rain all night, I saw
by their reeking. Thus the Lord dealt mercifully with me many
times, and I fared better than many of them. In the morning
they took the blood of the deer, and put it into the paunch, and
so boiled it. I could eat nothing of that, though they ate it
sweetly. And yet they were so nice in other things, that when
I had fetched water, and had put the dish I dipped the water
with into the kettle of water which I brought, they would say
they would knock me down; for they said, it was a sluttish
trick.
The Fifteenth Remove
We went on our travel. I having got one handful of ground nuts,
for my support that day, they gave me my load, and I went on
cheerfully (with the thoughts of going homeward), having my
burden more on my back than my spirit. We came to Banquang
river again that day, near which we abode a few days. Sometimes
one of them would give me a pipe, another a little tobacco,
another a little salt: which I would change for a little
victuals. I cannot but think what a wolvish appetite persons
have in a starving condition; for many times when they gave me
that which was hot, I was so greedy, that I should burn my
mouth, that it would trouble me hours after, and yet I should
quickly do the same again. And after I was thoroughly hungry,
I was never again satisfied. For though sometimes it fell out,
that I got enough, and did eat till I could eat no more, yet I
was as unsatisfied as I was when I began. And now could I see
that Scripture verified (there being many Scriptures which we do
not take notice of, or understand till we are afflicted) "Thou
shalt eat and not be satisfied" (Micah 6.14). Now might I see
more than ever before, the miseries that sin hath brought upon
us. Many times I should be ready to run against the heathen,
but the Scripture would quiet me again, "Shall there be evil in
a City and the Lord hath not done it?" (Amos 3.6). The Lord
help me to make a right improvement of His word, and that I
might learn that great lesson: "He hath showed thee (Oh Man)
what is good, and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do
justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly with thy God? Hear ye
the rod, and who hath appointed it" (Micah 6.8-9).
The Sixteenth Removal
We began this remove with wading over Banquang river: the water
was up to the knees, and the stream very swift, and so cold that
I thought it would have cut me in sunder. I was so weak and
feeble, that I reeled as I went along, and thought there I must
end my days at last, after my bearing and getting through so
many difficulties. The Indians stood laughing to see me
staggering along; but in my distress the Lord gave me experience
of the truth, and goodness of that promise, "When thou passest
through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers,
they shall not overflow thee" (Isaiah 43.2). Then I sat down to
put on my stockings and shoes, with the tears running down mine
eyes, and sorrowful thoughts in my heart, but I got up to go
along with them. Quickly there came up to us an Indian, who
informed them that I must go to Wachusett to my master, for
there was a letter come from the council to the Sagamores, about
redeeming the captives, and that there would be another in
fourteen days, and that I must be there ready. My heart was so
heavy before that I could scarce speak or go in the path; and
yet now so light, that I could run. My strength seemed to come
again, and recruit my feeble knees, and aching heart. Yet it
pleased them to go but one mile that night, and there we stayed
two days. In that time came a company of Indians to us, near
thirty, all on horseback. My heart skipped within me, thinking
they had been Englishmen at the first sight of them, for they
were dressed in English apparel, with hats, white neckcloths,
and sashes about their waists; and ribbons upon their shoulders;
but when they came near, there was a vast difference between the
lovely faces of Christians, and foul looks of those heathens,
which much damped my spirit again.
The Seventeenth Remove
A comfortable remove it was to me, because of my hopes. They
gave me a pack, and along we went cheerfully; but quickly my
will proved more than my strength; having little or no
refreshing, my strength failed me, and my spirits were almost
quite gone. Now may I say with David "I am poor and needy, and
my heart is wounded within me. I am gone like the shadow when
it declineth: I am tossed up and down like the locust; my knees
are weak through fasting, and my flesh faileth of fatness"
(Psalm 119.22-24). At night we came to an Indian town, and the
Indians sat down by a wigwam discoursing, but I was almost
spent, and could scarce speak. I laid down my load, and went
into the wigwam, and there sat an Indian boiling of horses feet
(they being wont to eat the flesh first, and when the feet were
old and dried, and they had nothing else, they would cut off the
feet and use them). I asked him to give me a little of his
broth, or water they were boiling in; he took a dish, and gave
me one spoonful of samp, and bid me take as much of the broth as
I would. Then I put some of the hot water to the samp, and
drank it up, and my spirit came again. He gave me also a piece
of the ruff or ridding of the small guts, and I broiled it on
the coals; and now may I say with Jonathan, "See, I pray you,
how mine eyes have been enlightened, because I tasted a little
of this honey" (1 Samuel 14.29). Now is my spirit revived
again; though means be never so inconsiderable, yet if the Lord
bestow His blessing upon them, they shall refresh both soul and
body.
The Eighteenth Remove
We took up our packs and along we went, but a wearisome day I
had of it. As we went along I saw an Englishman stripped naked,
and lying dead upon the ground, but knew not who it was. Then
we came to another Indian town, where we stayed all night. In
this town there were four English children, captives; and one of
them my own sister's. I went to see how she did, and she was
well, considering her captive condition. I would have tarried
that night with her, but they that owned her would not suffer
it. Then I went into another wigwam, where they were boiling
corn and beans, which was a lovely sight to see, but I could not
get a taste thereof. Then I went to another wigwam, where there
were two of the English children; the squaw was boiling horses
feet; then she cut me off a little piece, and gave one of the
English children a piece also. Being very hungry I had quickly
eat up mine, but the child could not bite it, it was so tough
and sinewy, but lay sucking, gnawing, chewing and slabbering of
it in the mouth and hand. Then I took it of the child, and eat
it myself, and savory it was to my taste. Then I may say as Job
6.7, "The things that my soul refused to touch are as my
sorrowful meat." Thus the Lord made that pleasant refreshing,
which another time would have been an abomination. Then I went
home to my mistress's wigwam; and they told me I disgraced my
master with begging, and if I did so any more, they would knock
me in the head. I told them, they had as good knock me in head
as starve me to death.
The Nineteenth Remove
They said, when we went out, that we must travel to Wachusett
this day. But a bitter weary day I had of it, traveling now
three days together, without resting any day between. At last,
after many weary steps, I saw Wachusett hills, but many miles
off. Then we came to a great swamp, through which we traveled,
up to the knees in mud and water, which was heavy going to one
tired before. Being almost spent, I thought I should have sunk
down at last, and never got out; but I may say, as in Psalm
94.18, "When my foot slipped, thy mercy, O Lord, held me up."
Going along, having indeed my life, but little spirit, Philip,
who was in the company, came up and took me by the hand, and
said, two weeks more and you shall be mistress again. I asked
him, if he spake true? He answered, "Yes, and quickly you shall
come to your master again; who had been gone from us three
weeks." After many weary steps we came to Wachusett, where he
was: and glad I was to see him. He asked me, when I washed me?
I told him not this month. Then he fetched me some water
himself, and bid me wash, and gave me the glass to see how I
looked; and bid his squaw give me something to eat. So she gave
me a mess of beans and meat, and a little ground nut cake. I
was wonderfully revived with this favor showed me: "He made
them also to be pitied of all those that carried them captives"
(Psalm 106.46).
My master had three squaws, living sometimes with one, and
sometimes with another one, this old squaw, at whose wigwam I
was, and with whom my master had been those three weeks.
Another was Wattimore [Weetamoo] with whom I had lived and
served all this while. A severe and proud dame she was,
bestowing every day in dressing herself neat as much time as any
of the gentry of the land: powdering her hair, and painting her
face, going with necklaces, with jewels in her ears, and
bracelets upon her hands. When she had dressed herself, her
work was to make girdles of wampum and beads. The third squaw
was a younger one, by whom he had two papooses. By the time I
was refreshed by the old squaw, with whom my master was,
Weetamoo's maid came to call me home, at which I fell aweeping.
Then the old squaw told me, to encourage me, that if I wanted
victuals, I should come to her, and that I should lie there in
her wigwam. Then I went with the maid, and quickly came again
and lodged there. The squaw laid a mat under me, and a good rug
over me; the first time I had any such kindness showed me. I
understood that Weetamoo thought that if she should let me go
and serve with the old squaw, she would be in danger to lose not
only my service, but the redemption pay also. And I was not a
little glad to hear this; being by it raised in my hopes, that
in God's due time there would be an end of this sorrowful hour.
Then came an Indian, and asked me to knit him three pair of
stockings, for which I had a hat, and a silk handkerchief. Then
another asked me to make her a shift, for which she gave me an
apron.
Then came Tom and Peter, with the second letter from the
council, about the captives. Though they were Indians, I got
them by the hand, and burst out into tears. My heart was so
full that I could not speak to them; but recovering myself, I
asked them how my husband did, and all my friends and
acquaintance? They said, "They are all very well but
melancholy." They brought me two biscuits, and a pound of
tobacco. The tobacco I quickly gave away. When it was all
gone, one asked me to give him a pipe of tobacco. I told him it
was all gone. Then began he to rant and threaten. I told him
when my husband came I would give him some. Hang him rogue
(says he) I will knock out his brains, if he comes here. And
then again, in the same breath they would say that if there
should come an hundred without guns, they would do them no hurt.
So unstable and like madmen they were. So that fearing the
worst, I durst not send to my husband, though there were some
thoughts of his coming to redeem and fetch me, not knowing what
might follow. For there was little more trust to them than to
the master they served. When the letter was come, the Sagamores
met to consult about the captives, and called me to them to
inquire how much my husband would give to redeem me. When I
came I sat down among them, as I was wont to do, as their manner
is. Then they bade me stand up, and said they were the General
Court. They bid me speak what I thought he would give. Now
knowing that all we had was destroyed by the Indians, I was in
a great strait. I thought if I should speak of but a little it
would be slighted, and hinder the matter; if of a great sum, I
knew not where it would be procured. Yet at a venture I said
"Twenty pounds," yet desired them to take less. But they would
not hear of that, but sent that message to Boston, that for
twenty pounds I should be redeemed. It was a Praying Indian
that wrote their letter for them. There was another Praying
Indian, who told me, that he had a brother, that would not eat
horse; his conscience was so tender and scrupulous (though as
large as hell, for the destruction of poor Christians). Then he
said, he read that Scripture to him, "There was a famine in
Samaria, and behold they besieged it, until an ass's head was
sold for four-score pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a
cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver" (2 Kings 6.25).
He expounded this place to his brother, and showed him that it
was lawful to eat that in a famine which is not at another time.
And now, says he, he will eat horse with any Indian of them all.
There was another Praying Indian, who when he had done all the
mischief that he could, betrayed his own father into the English
hands, thereby to purchase his own life. Another Praying Indian
was at Sudbury fight, though, as he deserved, he was afterward
hanged for it. There was another Praying Indian, so wicked and
cruel, as to wear a string about his neck, strung with
Christians' fingers. Another Praying Indian, when they went to
Sudbury fight, went with them, and his squaw also with him, with
her papoose at her back. Before they went to that fight they
got a company together to pow-wow. The manner was as followeth:
there was one that kneeled upon a deerskin, with the company
round him in a ring who kneeled, and striking upon the ground
with their hands, and with sticks, and muttering or humming with
their mouths. Besides him who kneeled in the ring, there also
stood one with a gun in his hand. Then he on the deerskin made
a speech, and all manifested assent to it; and so they did many
times together. Then they bade him with the gun go out of the
ring, which he did. But when he was out, they called him in
again; but he seemed to make a stand; then they called the more
earnestly, till he returned again. Then they all sang. Then
they gave him two guns, in either hand one. And so he on the
deerskin began again; and at the end of every sentence in his
speaking, they all assented, humming or muttering with their
mouths, and striking upon the ground with their hands. Then
they bade him with the two guns go out of the ring again; which
he did, a little way. Then they called him in again, but he
made a stand. So they called him with greater earnestness; but
he stood reeling and wavering as if he knew not whither he
should stand or fall, or which way to go. Then they called him
with exceeding great vehemency, all of them, one and another.
After a little while he turned in, staggering as he went, with
his arms stretched out, in either hand a gun. As soon as he
came in they all sang and rejoiced exceedingly a while. And
then he upon the deerskin, made another speech unto which they
all assented in a rejoicing manner. And so they ended their
business, and forthwith went to Sudbury fight. To my thinking
they went without any scruple, but that they should prosper, and
gain the victory. And they went out not so rejoicing, but they
came home with as great a victory. For they said they had
killed two captains and almost an hundred men. One Englishman
they brought along with them: and he said, it was too true, for
they had made sad work at Sudbury, as indeed it proved. Yet
they came home without that rejoicing and triumphing over their
victory which they were wont to show at other times; but rather
like dogs (as they say) which have lost their ears. Yet I could
not perceive that it was for their own loss of men. They said
they had not lost above five or six; and I missed none, except
in one wigwam. When they went, they acted as if the devil had
told them that they should gain the victory; and now they acted
as if the devil had told them they should have a fall. Whither
it were so or no, I cannot tell, but so it proved, for quickly
they began to fall, and so held on that summer, till they came
to utter ruin. They came home on a Sabbath day, and the Powaw
that kneeled upon the deer-skin came home (I may say, without
abuse) as black as the devil. When my master came home, he came
to me and bid me make a shirt for his papoose, of a holland-
laced pillowbere. About that time there came an Indian to me
and bid me come to his wigwam at night, and he would give me
some pork and ground nuts. Which I did, and as I was eating,
another Indian said to me, he seems to be your good friend, but
he killed two Englishmen at Sudbury, and there lie their clothes
behind you: I looked behind me, and there I saw bloody clothes,
with bullet-holes in them. Yet the Lord suffered not this
wretch to do me any hurt. Yea, instead of that, he many times
refreshed me; five or six times did he and his squaw refresh my
feeble carcass. If I went to their wigwam at any time, they
would always give me something, and yet they were strangers that
I never saw before. Another squaw gave me a piece of fresh
pork, and a little salt with it, and lent me her pan to fry it
in; and I cannot but remember what a sweet, pleasant and
delightful relish that bit had to me, to this day. So little do
we prize common mercies when we have them to the full.
The Twentieth Remove
It was their usual manner to remove, when they had done any
mischief, lest they should be found out; and so they did at this
time. We went about three or four miles, and there they built
a great wigwam, big enough to hold an hundred Indians, which
they did in preparation to a great day of dancing. They would
say now amongst themselves, that the governor would be so angry
for his loss at Sudbury, that he would send no more about the
captives, which made me grieve and tremble. My sister being not
far from the place where we now were, and hearing that I was
here, desired her master to let her come and see me, and he was
willing to it, and would go with her; but she being ready before
him, told him she would go before, and was come within a mile or
two of the place. Then he overtook her, and began to rant as if
he had been mad, and made her go back again in the rain; so that
I never saw her till I saw her in Charlestown. But the Lord
requited many of their ill doings, for this Indian her master,
was hanged afterward at Boston. The Indians now began to come
from all quarters, against their merry dancing day. Among some
of them came one goodwife Kettle. I told her my heart was so
heavy that it was ready to break. "So is mine too," said she,
but yet said, "I hope we shall hear some good news shortly." I
could hear how earnestly my sister desired to see me, and I as
earnestly desired to see her; and yet neither of us could get an
opportunity. My daughter was also now about a mile off, and I
had not seen her in nine or ten weeks, as I had not seen my
sister since our first taking. I earnestly desired them to let
me go and see them: yea, I entreated, begged, and persuaded
them, but to let me see my daughter; and yet so hard-hearted
were they, that they would not suffer it. They made use of
their tyrannical power whilst they had it; but through the
Lord's wonderful mercy, their time was now but short.
On a Sabbath day, the sun being about an hour high in the
afternoon, came Mr. John Hoar (the council permitting him, and
his own foreward spirit inclining him), together with the two
forementioned Indians, Tom and Peter, with their third letter
from the council. When they came near, I was abroad. Though I
saw them not, they presently called me in, and bade me sit down
and not stir. Then they catched up their guns, and away they
ran, as if an enemy had been at hand, and the guns went off
apace. I manifested some great trouble, and they asked me what
was the matter? I told them I thought they had killed the
Englishman (for they had in the meantime informed me that an
Englishman was come). They said, no. They shot over his horse
and under and before his horse, and they pushed him this way and
that way, at their pleasure, showing what they could do. Then
they let them come to their wigwams. I begged of them to let me
see the Englishman, but they would not. But there was I fain to
sit their pleasure. When they had talked their fill with him,
they suffered me to go to him. We asked each other of our
welfare, and how my husband did, and all my friends? He told me
they were all well, and would be glad to see me. Amongst other
things which my husband sent me, there came a pound of tobacco,
which I sold for nine shillings in money; for many of the
Indians for want of tobacco, smoked hemlock, and ground ivy. It
was a great mistake in any, who thought I sent for tobacco; for
through the favor of God, that desire was overcome. I now asked
them whether I should go home with Mr. Hoar? They answered no,
one and another of them, and it being night, we lay down with
that answer. In the morning Mr. Hoar invited the Sagamores to
dinner; but when we went to get it ready we found that they had
stolen the greatest part of the provision Mr. Hoar had brought,
out of his bags, in the night. And we may see the wonderful
power of God, in that one passage, in that when there was such
a great number of the Indians together, and so greedy of a
little good food, and no English there but Mr. Hoar and myself,
that there they did not knock us in the head, and take what we
had, there being not only some provision, but also trading-
cloth, a part of the twenty pounds agreed upon. But instead of
doing us any mischief, they seemed to be ashamed of the fact,
and said, it were some matchit Indian that did it. Oh, that we
could believe that there is nothing too hard for God! God
showed His power over the heathen in this, as He did over the
hungry lions when Daniel was cast into the den. Mr. Hoar called
them betime to dinner, but they ate very little, they being so
busy in dressing themselves, and getting ready for their dance,
which was carried on by eight of them, four men and four squaws.
My master and mistress being two. He was dressed in his holland
shirt, with great laces sewed at the tail of it; he had his
silver buttons, his white stockings, his garters were hung round
with shillings, and he had girdles of wampum upon his head and
shoulders. She had a kersey coat, and covered with girdles of
wampum from the loins upward. Her arms from her elbows to her
hands were covered with bracelets; there were handfuls of
necklaces about her neck, and several sorts of jewels in her
ears. She had fine red stockings, and white shoes, her hair
powdered and face painted red, that was always before black.
And all the dancers were after the same manner. There were two
others singing and knocking on a kettle for their music. They
kept hopping up and down one after another, with a kettle of
water in the midst, standing warm upon some embers, to drink of
when they were dry. They held on till it was almost night,
throwing out wampum to the standers by. At night I asked them
again, if I should go home? They all as one said no, except my
husband would come for me. When we were lain down, my master
went out of the wigwam, and by and by sent in an Indian called
James the Printer, who told Mr. Hoar, that my master would let
me go home tomorrow, if he would let him have one pint of
liquors. Then Mr. Hoar called his own Indians, Tom and Peter,
and bid them go and see whether he would promise it before them
three; and if he would, he should have it; which he did, and he
had it. Then Philip smelling the business called me to him, and
asked me what I would give him, to tell me some good news, and
speak a good word for me. I told him I could not tell what to
give him. I would [give him] anything I had, and asked him what
he would have? He said two coats and twenty shillings in money,
and half a bushel of seed corn, and some tobacco. I thanked him
for his love; but I knew the good news as well as the crafty
fox. My master after he had had his drink, quickly came ranting
into the wigwam again, and called for Mr. Hoar, drinking to him,
and saying, he was a good man, and then again he would say,
"hang him rogue." Being almost drunk, he would drink to him,
and yet presently say he should be hanged. Then he called for
me. I trembled to hear him, yet I was fain to go to him, and he
drank to me, showing no incivility. He was the first Indian I
saw drunk all the while that I was amongst them. At last his
squaw ran out, and he after her, round the wigwam, with his
money jingling at his knees. But she escaped him. But having
an old squaw he ran to her; and so through the Lord's mercy, we
were no more troubled that night. Yet I had not a comfortable
night's rest; for I think I can say, I did not sleep for three
nights together. The night before the letter came from the
council, I could not rest, I was so full of fears and troubles,
God many times leaving us most in the dark, when deliverance is
nearest. Yea, at this time I could not rest night nor day. The
next night I was overjoyed, Mr. Hoar being come, and that with
such good tidings. The third night I was even swallowed up with
the thoughts of things, viz. that ever I should go home again;
and that I must go, leaving my children behind me in the
wilderness; so that sleep was now almost departed from mine
eyes.
On Tuesday morning they called their general court (as they call
it) to consult and determine, whether I should go home or no.
And they all as one man did seemingly consent to it, that I
should go home; except Philip, who would not come among them.
But before I go any further, I would take leave to mention a few
remarkable passages of providence, which I took special notice
of in my afflicted time.
1. Of the fair opportunity lost in the long march, a little
after the fort fight, when our English army was so numerous, and
in pursuit of the enemy, and so near as to take several and
destroy them, and the enemy in such distress for food that our
men might track them by their rooting in the earth for ground
nuts, whilst they were flying for their lives. I say, that then
our army should want provision, and be forced to leave their
pursuit and return homeward; and the very next week the enemy
came upon our town, like bears bereft of their whelps, or so
many ravenous wolves, rending us and our lambs to death. But
what shall I say? God seemed to leave his People to themselves,
and order all things for His own holy ends. Shall there be evil
in the City and the Lord hath not done it? They are not grieved
for the affliction of Joseph, therefore shall they go captive,
with the first that go captive. It is the Lord's doing, and it
should be marvelous in our eyes.
2. I cannot but remember how the Indians derided the slowness,
and dullness of the English army, in its setting out. For after
the desolations at Lancaster and Medfield, as I went along with
them, they asked me when I thought the English army would come
after them? I told them I could not tell. "It may be they will
come in May," said they. Thus did they scoff at us, as if the
English would be a quarter of a year getting ready.
3. Which also I have hinted before, when the English army with
new supplies were sent forth to pursue after the enemy, and they
understanding it, fled before them till they came to Banquang
river, where they forthwith went over safely; that that river
should be impassable to the English. I can but admire to see
the wonderful providence of God in preserving the heathen for
further affliction to our poor country. They could go in great
numbers over, but the English must stop. God had an over-ruling
hand in all those things.
4. It was thought, if their corn were cut down, they would
starve and die with hunger, and all their corn that could be
found, was destroyed, and they driven from that little they had
in store, into the woods in the midst of winter; and yet how to
admiration did the Lord preserve them for His holy ends, and the
destruction of many still amongst the English! strangely did the
Lord provide for them; that I did not see (all the time I was
among them) one man, woman, or child, die with hunger.
Though many times they would eat that, that a hog or a dog would
hardly touch; yet by that God strengthened them to be a scourge
to His people.
The chief and commonest food was ground nuts. They eat also
nuts and acorns, artichokes, lilly roots, ground beans, and
several other weeds and roots, that I know not.
They would pick up old bones, and cut them to pieces at the
joints, and if they were full of worms and maggots, they would
scald them over the fire to make the vermine come out, and then
boil them, and drink up the liquor, and then beat the great ends
of them in a mortar, and so eat them. They would eat horse's
guts, and ears, and all sorts of wild birds which they could
catch; also bear, venison, beaver, tortoise, frogs, squirrels,
dogs, skunks, rattlesnakes; yea, the very bark of trees; besides
all sorts of creatures, and provision which they plundered from
the English. I can but stand in admiration to see the wonderful
power of God in providing for such a vast number of our enemies
in the wilderness, where there was nothing to be seen, but from
hand to mouth. Many times in a morning, the generality of them
would eat up all they had, and yet have some further supply
against they wanted. It is said, "Oh, that my People had
hearkened to me, and Israel had walked in my ways, I should soon
have subdued their Enemies, and turned my hand against their
Adversaries" (Psalm 81.13-14). But now our perverse and evil
carriages in the sight of the Lord, have so offended Him, that
instead of turning His hand against them, the Lord feeds and
nourishes them up to be a scourge to the whole land.
5. Another thing that I would observe is the strange providence
of God, in turning things about when the Indians was at the
highest, and the English at the lowest. I was with the enemy
eleven weeks and five days, and not one week passed without the
fury of the enemy, and some desolation by fire and sword upon
one place or other. They mourned (with their black faces) for
their own losses, yet triumphed and rejoiced in their inhumane,
and many times devilish cruelty to the English. They would
boast much of their victories; saying that in two hours time
they had destroyed such a captain and his company at such a
place; and boast how many towns they had destroyed, and then
scoff, and say they had done them a good turn to send them to
Heaven so soon. Again, they would say this summer that they
would knock all the rogues in the head, or drive them into the
sea, or make them fly the country; thinking surely, Agag-like,
"The bitterness of Death is past." Now the heathen begins to
think all is their own, and the poor Christians' hopes to fail
(as to man) and now their eyes are more to God, and their hearts
sigh heaven-ward; and to say in good earnest, "Help Lord, or we
perish." When the Lord had brought His people to this, that
they saw no help in anything but Himself; then He takes the
quarrel into His own hand; and though they had made a pit, in
their own imaginations, as deep as hell for the Christians that
summer, yet the Lord hurled themselves into it. And the Lord
had not so many ways before to preserve them, but now He hath as
many to destroy them.
But to return again to my going home, where we may see a
remarkable change of providence. At first they were all against
it, except my husband would come for me, but afterwards they
assented to it, and seemed much to rejoice in it; some asked me
to send them some bread, others some tobacco, others shaking me
by the hand, offering me a hood and scarfe to ride in; not one
moving hand or tongue against it. Thus hath the Lord answered
my poor desire, and the many earnest requests of others put up
unto God for me. In my travels an Indian came to me and told
me, if I were willing, he and his squaw would run away, and go
home along with me. I told him no: I was not willing to run
away, but desired to wait God's time, that I might go home
quietly, and without fear. And now God hath granted me my
desire. O the wonderful power of God that I have seen, and the
experience that I have had. I have been in the midst of those
roaring lions, and savage bears, that feared neither God, nor
man, nor the devil, by night and day, alone and in company,
sleeping all sorts together, and yet not one of them ever
offered me the least abuse of unchastity to me, in word or
action. Though some are ready to say I speak it for my own
credit; but I speak it in the presence of God, and to His Glory.
God's power is as great now, and as sufficient to save, as when
He preserved Daniel in the lion's den; or the three children in
the fiery furnace. I may well say as his Psalm 107.12 "Oh give
thanks unto the Lord for he is good, for his mercy endureth for
ever." Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom He hath
redeemed from the hand of the enemy, especially that I should
come away in the midst of so many hundreds of enemies quietly
and peaceably, and not a dog moving his tongue. So I took my
leave of them, and in coming along my heart melted into tears,
more than all the while I was with them, and I was almost
swallowed up with the thoughts that ever I should go home again.
About the sun going down, Mr. Hoar, and myself, and the two
Indians came to Lancaster, and a solemn sight it was to me.
There had I lived many comfortable years amongst my relations
and neighbors, and now not one Christian to be seen, nor one
house left standing. We went on to a farmhouse that was yet
standing, where we lay all night, and a comfortable lodging we
had, though nothing but straw to lie on. The Lord preserved us
in safety that night, and raised us up again in the morning, and
carried us along, that before noon, we came to Concord. Now was
I full of joy, and yet not without sorrow; joy to see such a
lovely sight, so many Christians together, and some of them my
neighbors. There I met with my brother, and my brother-in-law,
who asked me, if I knew where his wife was? Poor heart! he had
helped to bury her, and knew it not. She being shot down by the
house was partly burnt, so that those who were at Boston at the
desolation of the town, and came back afterward, and buried the
dead, did not know her. Yet I was not without sorrow, to think
how many were looking and longing, and my own children amongst
the rest, to enjoy that deliverance that I had now received, and
I did not know whether ever I should see them again. Being
recruited with food and raiment we went to Boston that day,
where I met with my dear husband, but the thoughts of our dear
children, one being dead, and the other we could not tell where,
abated our comfort each to other. I was not before so much
hemmed in with the merciless and cruel heathen, but now as much
with pitiful, tender-hearted and compassionate Christians. In
that poor, and distressed, and beggarly condition I was received
in; I was kindly entertained in several houses. So much love I
received from several (some of whom I knew, and others I knew
not) that I am not capable to declare it. But the Lord knows
them all by name. The Lord reward them sevenfold into their
bosoms of His spirituals, for their temporals. The twenty
pounds, the price of my redemption, was raised by some Boston
gentlemen, and Mrs. Usher, whose bounty and religious charity,
I would not forget to make mention of. Then Mr. Thomas Shepard
of Charlestown received us into his house, where we continued
eleven weeks; and a father and mother they were to us. And many
more tender-hearted friends we met with in that place. We were
now in the midst of love, yet not without much and frequent
heaviness of heart for our poor children, and other relations,
who were still in affliction. The week following, after my
coming in, the governor and council sent forth to the Indians
again; and that not without success; for they brought in my
sister, and goodwife Kettle. Their not knowing where our
children were was a sore trial to us still, and yet we were not
without secret hopes that we should see them again. That which
was dead lay heavier upon my spirit, than those which were alive
and amongst the heathen: thinking how it suffered with its
wounds, and I was no way able to relieve it; and how it was
buried by the heathen in the wilderness from among all
Christians. We were hurried up and down in our thoughts,
sometime we should hear a report that they were gone this way,
and sometimes that; and that they were come in, in this place or
that. We kept inquiring and listening to hear concerning them,
but no certain news as yet. About this time the council had
ordered a day of public thanksgiving. Though I thought I had
still cause of mourning, and being unsettled in our minds, we
thought we would ride toward the eastward, to see if we could
hear anything concerning our children. And as we were riding
along (God is the wise disposer of all things) between Ipswich
and Rowley we met with Mr. William Hubbard, who told us that our
son Joseph was come in to Major Waldron's, and another with him,
which was my sister's son. I asked him how he knew it? He said
the major himself told him so. So along we went till we came to
Newbury; and their minister being absent, they desired my
husband to preach the thanksgiving for them; but he was not
willing to stay there that night, but would go over to
Salisbury, to hear further, and come again in the morning, which
he did, and preached there that day. At night, when he had
done, one came and told him that his daughter was come in at
Providence. Here was mercy on both hands. Now hath God
fulfilled that precious Scripture which was such a comfort to me
in my distressed condition. When my heart was ready to sink
into the earth (my children being gone, I could not tell
whither) and my knees trembling under me, and I was walking
through the valley of the shadow of death; then the Lord
brought, and now has fulfilled that reviving word unto me:
"Thus saith the Lord, Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine
eyes from tears, for thy Work shall be rewarded, saith the Lord,
and they shall come again from the Land of the Enemy." Now we
were between them, the one on the east, and the other on the
west. Our son being nearest, we went to him first, to
Portsmouth, where we met with him, and with the Major also, who
told us he had done what he could, but could not redeem him
under seven pounds, which the good people thereabouts were
pleased to pay. The Lord reward the major, and all the rest,
though unknown to me, for their labor of Love. My sister's son
was redeemed for four pounds, which the council gave order for
the payment of. Having now received one of our children, we
hastened toward the other. Going back through Newbury my
husband preached there on the Sabbath day; for which they
rewarded him many fold.
On Monday we came to Charlestown, where we heard that the
governor of Rhode Island had sent over for our daughter, to take
care of her, being now within his jurisdiction; which should not
pass without our acknowledgments. But she being nearer Rehoboth
than Rhode Island, Mr. Newman went over, and took care of her
and brought her to his own house. And the goodness of God was
admirable to us in our low estate, in that He raised up
passionate friends on every side to us, when we had nothing to
recompense any for their love. The Indians were now gone that
way, that it was apprehended dangerous to go to her. But the
carts which carried provision to the English army, being
guarded, brought her with them to Dorchester, where we received
her safe. Blessed be the Lord for it, for great is His power,
and He can do whatsoever seemeth Him good. Her coming in was
after this manner: she was traveling one day with the Indians,
with her basket at her back; the company of Indians were got
before her, and gone out of sight, all except one squaw; she
followed the squaw till night, and then both of them lay down,
having nothing over them but the heavens and under them but the
earth. Thus she traveled three days together, not knowing
whither she was going; having nothing to eat or drink but water,
and green hirtle-berries. At last they came into Providence,
where she was kindly entertained by several of that town. The
Indians often said that I should never have her under twenty
pounds. But now the Lord hath brought her in upon free-cost,
and given her to me the second time. The Lord make us a
blessing indeed, each to others. Now have I seen that Scripture
also fulfilled, "If any of thine be driven out to the outmost
parts of heaven, from thence will the Lord thy God gather thee,
and from thence will he fetch thee. And the Lord thy God will
put all these curses upon thine enemies, and on them which hate
thee, which persecuted thee" (Deuteronomy 30.4-7). Thus hath
the Lord brought me and mine out of that horrible pit, and hath
set us in the midst of tender-hearted and compassionate
Christians. It is the desire of my soul that we may walk worthy
of the mercies received, and which we are receiving.
Our family being now gathered together (those of us that were
living), the South Church in Boston hired an house for us. Then
we removed from Mr. Shepard's, those cordial friends, and went
to Boston, where we continued about three-quarters of a year.
Still the Lord went along with us, and provided graciously for
us. I thought it somewhat strange to set up house-keeping with
bare walls; but as Solomon says, "Money answers all things" and
that we had through the benevolence of Christian friends, some
in this town, and some in that, and others; and some from
England; that in a little time we might look, and see the house
furnished with love. The Lord hath been exceeding good to us in
our low estate, in that when we had neither house nor home, nor
other necessaries, the Lord so moved the hearts of these and
those towards us, that we wanted neither food, nor raiment for
ourselves or ours: "There is a Friend which sticketh closer
than a Brother" (Proverbs 18.24). And how many such friends
have we found, and now living amongst? And truly such a friend
have we found him to be unto us, in whose house we lived, viz.
Mr. James Whitcomb, a friend unto us near hand, and afar off.
I can remember the time when I used to sleep quietly without
workings in my thoughts, whole nights together, but now it is
other ways with me. When all are fast about me, and no eye
open, but His who ever waketh, my thoughts are upon things past,
upon the awful dispensation of the Lord towards us, upon His
wonderful power and might, in carrying of us through so many
difficulties, in returning us in safety, and suffering none to
hurt us. I remember in the night season, how the other day I
was in the midst of thousands of enemies, and nothing but death
before me. It is then hard work to persuade myself, that ever
I should be satisfied with bread again. But now we are fed with
the finest of the wheat, and, as I may say, with honey out of
the rock. Instead of the husk, we have the fatted calf. The
thoughts of these things in the particulars of them, and of the
love and goodness of God towards us, make it true of me, what
David said of himself, "I watered my Couch with my tears" (Psalm
6.6). Oh! the wonderful power of God that mine eyes have seen,
affording matter enough for my thoughts to run in, that when
others are sleeping mine eyes are weeping.
I have seen the extreme vanity of this world: One hour I have
been in health, and wealthy, wanting nothing. But the next hour
in sickness and wounds, and death, having nothing but sorrow and
affliction.
Before I knew what affliction meant, I was ready sometimes to
wish for it. When I lived in prosperity, having the comforts of
the world about me, my relations by me, my heart cheerful, and
taking little care for anything, and yet seeing many, whom I
preferred before myself, under many trials and afflictions, in
sickness, weakness, poverty, losses, crosses, and cares of the
world, I should be sometimes jealous least I should have my
portion in this life, and that Scripture would come to my mind,
"For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every Son
whom he receiveth" (Hebrews 12.6). But now I see the Lord had
His time to scourge and chasten me. The portion of some is to
have their afflictions by drops, now one drop and then another;
but the dregs of the cup, the wine of astonishment, like a
sweeping rain that leaveth no food, did the Lord prepare to be
my portion. Affliction I wanted, and affliction I had, full
measure (I thought), pressed down and running over. Yet I see,
when God calls a person to anything, and through never so many
difficulties, yet He is fully able to carry them through and
make them see, and say they have been gainers thereby. And I
hope I can say in some measure, as David did, "It is good for me
that I have been afflicted." The Lord hath showed me the vanity
of these outward things. That they are the vanity of vanities,
and vexation of spirit, that they are but a shadow, a blast, a
bubble, and things of no continuance. That we must rely on God
Himself, and our whole dependance must be upon Him. If trouble
from smaller matters begin to arise in me, I have something at
hand to check myself with, and say, why am I troubled? It was
but the other day that if I had had the world, I would have
given it for my freedom, or to have been a servant to a
Christian. I have learned to look beyond present and smaller
troubles, and to be quieted under them. As Moses said, "Stand
still and see the salvation of the Lord" (Exodus 14.13).
Finis.
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