Cecilia vol. 2
by
Frances (Fanny) Burney (Madame d'Arblay)
Part 1 out of 7
Produced by Delphine Lettau, Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
CECILIA
OR
Memoirs of an Heiress
by
FRANCES BURNEY
VOL. II.
Edited by R. Brimley Johnson
Illustrated by M. Cubitt Cooke
BOOK IV. _Continued_.
CHAPTER x.
A MURMURING.
Unable to relieve herself from this perplexity, Cecilia, to divert her
chagrin, again visited Miss Belfield. She had then the pleasure to
hear that her brother was much recovered, and had been able, the
preceding day, to take an airing, which he had borne so well that Mr
Rupil had charged him to use the same exercise every morning.
"And will he?" said Cecilia.
"No, madam, I am sadly afraid not," she answered, "for coach hire is
very expensive, and we are willing, now, to save all we can in order
to help fitting him out for going abroad."
Cecilia then earnestly entreated her to accept some assistance; but
she assured her she did not dare without the consent of her mother,
which, however, she undertook to obtain.
The next day, when Cecilia called to hear her success, Mrs Belfield,
who hitherto had kept out of sight, made her appearance. She found
her, alike in person, manners and conversation, a coarse and ordinary
woman, not more unlike her son in talents and acquired accomplishments,
than dissimilar to her daughter in softness and natural delicacy.
The moment Cecilia was seated, she began, without waiting for any
ceremony, or requiring any solicitation, abruptly to talk of her
affairs, and repiningly to relate her misfortunes.
"I find, madam," she said, "you have been so kind as to visit my
daughter Henny a great many times, but as I have no time for company,
I have always kept out of the way, having other things to do than sit
still to talk. I have had a sad time of it here, ma'am, with my poor
son's illness, having no conveniencies about me, and much ado to make
him mind me; for he's all for having his own way, poor dear soul, and
I'm sure I don't know who could contradict him, for it's what I never
had the heart to do. But then, ma'am, what is to come of it? You see
how bad things go! for though I have got a very good income, it won't
do for every thing. And if it was as much again, I should want to save
it all now. For here my poor son, you see, is reduced all in a minute,
as one may say, from being one of the first gentlemen in the town, to
a mere poor object, without a farthing in the world!"
"He is, however, I hope now much better in his health?" said Cecilia.
"Yes, madam, thank heaven, for if he was worse, those might tell of it
that would, for I'm sure I should never live to hear of it. He has
been the best son in the world, madam, and used [to] nothing but the
best company, for I spared neither pains nor cost to bring him up
genteely, and I believe there's not a nobleman in the land that looks
more the gentleman. However, there's come no good of it, for though
his acquaintances was all among the first quality, he never received
the value of a penny from the best of them. So I have no great need to
be proud. But I meant for the best, though I have often enough wished
I had not meddled in the matter, but left him to be brought up in the
shop, as his father was before him."
"His present plan, however," said Cecilia, "will I hope make you ample
amends both for your sufferings and your tenderness."
"What, madam, when he's going to leave me, and settle in foreign
parts? If you was a mother yourself, madam, you would not think that
such good amends."
"Settle?" said Cecilia. "No, he only goes for a year or two."
"That's more than I can say, madam, or any body else; and nobody knows
what may happen in that time. And how I shall keep myself up when he's
beyond seas, I am sure I don't know, for he has always been the pride
of my life, and every penny I saved for him, I thought to have been
paid in pounds."
"You will still have your daughter, and she seems so amiable, that I
am sure you can want no consolation she will not endeavour to give
you."
"But what is a daughter, madam, to such a son as mine? a son that I
thought to have seen living like a prince, and sending his own coach
for me to dine with him! And now he's going to be taken away from me,
and nobody knows if I shall live till he comes back. But I may thank
myself, for if I had but been content to see him brought up in the
shop--yet all the world would have cried shame upon it, for when he
was quite a child in arms, the people used all to say he was born to
be a gentleman, and would live to make many a fine lady's heart ache."
"If he can but make _your_ heart easy," said Cecilia, smiling,
"we will not grieve that the fine ladies should escape the prophecy."
"O, ma'am, I don't mean by that to say he has been over gay among the
ladies, for it's a thing I never heard of him; and I dare say if any
lady was to take a fancy to him, she'd find there was not a modester
young man in the world. But you must needs think what a hardship it is
to me to have him turn out so unlucky, after all I have done for him,
when I thought to have seen him at the top of the tree, as one may
say!"
"He will yet, I hope," said Cecilia, "make you rejoice in all your
kindness to him: his health is already returning, and his affairs wear
again a more prosperous aspect" "But do you suppose, ma'am, that
having him sent two or three hundred miles away from me; with some
young master to take care of, is the way to make up to me what I have
gone through for him? why I used to deny myself every thing in the
world, in order to save money to buy him smart cloaths, and let him go
to the Opera, and Ranelagh, and such sort of places, that he might
keep himself in fortune's way! and now you see the end of it! here he
is, in a little shabby room up two pairs of stairs, with not one of
the great folks coming near him, to see if he's so much as dead or
alive."
"I do not wonder," said Cecilia, "that you resent their shewing so
little gratitude for the pleasure and entertainment they have formerly
received from him but comfort yourself that it will at least secure
you from any similar disappointment, as Mr Belfield will, in future,
be guarded from forming such precarious expectations."
"But what good will that do me, ma'am, for all the money he has been
throwing after them all this while? do you think I would have scraped
it up for him, and gone without every thing in the world, to see it
all end in this manner? why he might as well have been brought up the
commonest journeyman, for any comfort I shall have of him at this
rate. And suppose he should be drowned in going beyond seas? what am I
to do then?"
"You must not," said Cecilia, "indulge such fears; I doubt not but
your son will return well, and return all that you wish."
"Nobody knows that, ma'am; and the only way to be certain is for him
not to go at all; and I'm surprised, ma'am, you can wish him to make
such a journey to nobody knows where, with nothing but a young master
that he must as good as teach his A. B. C. all the way they go!"
"Certainly," said Cecilia, amazed at this accusation, "I should not
wish him to go abroad, if any thing more eligible could be, done by
his remaining in England but as no prospect of that sort seems before
him, you must endeavour to reconcile yourself to parting with him."
"Yes, but how am I to do that, when I don't know if ever I shall see
him again? Who could have thought of his living so among the great
folks, and then coming to want! I'm sure I thought they'd have
provided for him like a son of their own, for he used to go about to
all the public places just as they did themselves. Day after day I
used to be counting for when he would come to tell me he'd got a place
at court, or something of that sort, for I never could tell what it
would be: and then the next news I heard, was that he was shut up in
this poor bit of place, with nobody troubling their heads about him!
however, I'll never be persuaded but he might have done better, if he
would but have spoke a good word for himself, or else have let me done
it for him: instead of which, he never would so much as let me see any
of his grand friends, though I would not have made the least scruple
in the world to have asked them for any thing he had a mind to."
Cecilia again endeavoured to give her comfort; but finding her only
satisfaction was to express her discontent, she arose to take leave.
But, turning first to Miss Belfield, contrived to make a private
enquiry whether she might repeat her offer of assistance. A downcast
and dejected look answering in the affirmative, she put into her hand
a ten pound bank note, and wishing them good morning, hurried out of
the room.
Miss Belfield was running after her, but stopt by her mother, who
called out, "What is it?--How much is it?--Let me look at it!"--And
then, following Cecilia herself, she thanked her aloud all the way
down stairs for her _genteelness_, assuring her she would not
fail making it known to her son.
Cecilia at this declaration turned back, and exhorted her by no means
to mention it; after which she got into her chair, and returned home;
pitying Miss Belfield for the unjust partiality shewn to her brother,
and excusing the proud shame he had manifested of his relations, from
the vulgarity and selfishness of her who was at the head of them.
Almost a fortnight had now elapsed since her explanation with young
Delvile, yet not once had he been in Portman-square, though in the
fortnight which had preceded, scarce a day had passed which had not
afforded him some pretence for calling there.
At length a note arrived from Mrs Delvile. It contained the most
flattering reproaches for her long absence, and a pressing invitation
that she would dine and spend the next day with her.
Cecilia, who had merely denied herself the pleasure of this visit from
an apprehension of seeming too desirous of keeping up the connection,
now, from the same sense of propriety, determined upon making it,
wishing equally to avoid all appearance of consciousness, either by
seeking or avoiding the intimacy of the family.
Not a little was her anxiety to know in what manner young Delvile
would receive her, whether he would be grave or gay, agitated, as
during their last conversation, or easy, as in the meetings which had
preceded it.
She found Mrs Delvile, however, alone; and, extremely kind to her, yet
much surprised, and half displeased, that she had so long been.
absent. Cecilia, though somewhat distressed what excuses to offer, was
happy to find herself so highly in favour, and not very reluctant to
promise more frequent visits in future.
They were then summoned to dinner; but still no young Delvile was
visible: they were joined only by his father, and she found that no
one else was expected.
Her astonishment now was greater than ever, and she could account by
no possible conjecture for a conduct so extraordinary. Hitherto,
whenever she had visited in St James's-square by appointment, the air
with which he had received her, constantly announced that he had
impatiently waited her arrival; he had given up other engagements to
stay with her, he had openly expressed his hopes that she would never
be long absent, and seemed to take a pleasure in her society to which
every other was inferior. And now, how striking the difference! he
forbore all visits at the house where she resided, he even flew from
his own when he knew she was approaching it!
Nor was this the only vexation of which this day was productive; Mr
Delvile, when the servants were withdrawn after dinner, expressed some
concern that he had been called from her during their last
conversation, and added that he would take the present opportunity to
talk with her upon some matters of importance.
He then began the usual parading prelude, which, upon all occasions,
he thought necessary, in order to enhance the value of his
interposition, remind her of her inferiority, and impress her with a
deeper sense of the honour which his guardianship conferred upon her
after which, he proceeded to make a formal enquiry whether she had
positively dismissed Sir Robert Floyer?
She assured him she had.
"I understood my Lord Ernolf," said he, "that you had totally
discouraged the addresses of his son?"
"Yes, Sir," answered Cecilia, "for I never mean to receive them."
"Have you, then, any other engagement?"
"No, Sir," cried she, colouring between shame and displeasure, "none
at all."
"This is a very extraordinary circumstance!" replied he: "the son of
an earl to be rejected by a young woman of no family, and yet no
reason assigned for it!"
This contemptuous speech so cruelly shocked Cecilia, that though he
continued to harangue her for a great part of the afternoon, she only
answered him when compelled by some question, and was so evidently
discomposed, that Mrs Delvile, who perceived her uneasiness with much
concern, redoubled her civilities and caresses, and used every method
in her power to oblige and enliven her.
Cecilia was not ungrateful for her care, and shewed her sense of it by
added respect and attention; but her mind was disturbed, and she
quitted the house as soon as she was able.
Mr Delvile's speech, from her previous knowledge of the extreme
haughtiness of his character, would not have occasioned her the
smallest emotion, had it merely related to him or to herself: but as
it concerned Lord Ernolf, she regarded it as also concerning his son,
and she found that, far from trying to promote the union Mr Monckton
had told her he had planned, he did not seem even to think of it, but,
on the contrary, proposed and seconded with all his interest another
alliance.
This, added to the behaviour of young Delvile, made her suspect that
some engagement was in agitation on his own part, and that while she
thought him so sedulous only to avoid her, he was simply occupied in
seeking another. This painful suggestion, which every thing seemed to
confirm, again overset all her schemes, and destroyed all her
visionary happiness. Yet how to reconcile it with what had passed at
their last meeting she knew not; she had then every reason to believe
that his heart was in her power, and that courage, or an opportunity
more seasonable, was all he wanted to make known his devotion to her;
why, then, shun if he loved her? why, if he loved her not, seem so
perturbed at the explanation of her independence?
A very little time, however, she hoped would unravel this mystery; in
two days, the entertainment which Mr Harrel had planned, to deceive
the world by an appearance of affluence to which he had lost all
title, was to take place; young Delvile, in common with every other
person who had ever been seen at the house, had early received an
invitation, which he had readily promised to accept some time before
the conversation that seemed the period of their acquaintance had
passed. Should he, after being so long engaged, fail to keep his
appointment, she could no longer have any doubt of the justice of her
conjecture; should he, on the contrary, again appear, from his
behaviour and his looks she might perhaps be able to gather why he had
so long been absent.
BOOK V.
CHAPTER i.
A ROUT.
The day at length arrived of which the evening and the entrance of
company were, for the first time, as eagerly wished by Cecilia as by
her dissipated host and hostess. No expence and no pains had been
spared to render this long projected entertainment splendid and
elegant; it was to begin with a concert, which was to be followed by a
ball, and succeeded by a supper.
Cecilia, though unusually anxious about her own affairs, was not so
engrossed by them as to behold with indifference a scene of such
unjustifiable extravagance; it contributed to render her thoughtful
and uneasy, and to deprive her of all mental power of participating in
the gaiety of the assembly. Mr Arnott was yet more deeply affected by
the mad folly of the scheme, and received from the whole evening no
other satisfaction than that which a look of sympathetic concern from
Cecilia occasionally afforded him.
Till nine o'clock no company appeared, except Sir Robert Floyer, who
stayed from dinner time, and Mr Morrice, who having received an
invitation for the evening, was so much delighted with the permission
to again enter the house, that he made use of it between six and
seven o'clock, and before the family had left the dining parlour. He
apologized with the utmost humility to Cecilia for the unfortunate
accident at the Pantheon; but as to her it had been productive of
nothing but pleasure, by exciting in young Delvile the most flattering
alarm for her safety, she found no great difficulty in according him
her pardon.
Among those who came in the first crowd was Mr Monckton, who, had he
been equally unconscious of sinister views, would in following his own
inclination, have been as early in his attendance as Mr Morrice; but
who, to obviate all suspicious remarks, conformed to the fashionable
tardiness of the times.
Cecilia's chief apprehension for the evening was that Sir Robert
Floyer would ask her to dance with him, which she could not refuse
without sitting still during the ball, nor accept, after the reports
she knew to be spread, without seeming to give a public sanction to
them. To Mr Monckton therefore, innocently considering him as a
married man and her old friend, she frankly told her distress, adding,
by way of excuse for the hint, that the partners were to be changed
every two dances.
Mr Monckton, though his principal study was carefully to avoid all
public gallantry or assiduity towards Cecilia, had not the forbearance
to resist this intimation, and therefore she had the pleasure of
telling Sir Robert, when he asked the honour of her hand for the two
first dances, that she was already engaged.
She then expected that he would immediately secure her for the two
following; but, to her great joy, he was so much piqued by the evident
pleasure with which she announced her engagement, that he proudly
walked away without adding another word.
Much satisfied with this arrangement, and not without hopes that, if
she was at liberty when he arrived, she might be applied to by young
Delvile, she now endeavoured to procure herself a place in the music
room.
This, with some difficulty, she effected; but though there was an
excellent concert, in which several capital performers played and
sung, she found it impossible to hear a note, as she chanced to be
seated just by Miss Leeson, and two other young ladies, who were
paying one another compliments upon their dress and their looks,
settling to dance in the same cotillon, guessing who would begin the
minuets, and wondering there were not more gentlemen. Yet, in the
midst of this unmeaning conversation, of which she remarked that Miss
Leeson bore the principal part, not one of them failed, from time to
time, to exclaim with great rapture _"What sweet music!--" "Oh. how
charming!" "Did you ever hear any thing so delightful?--"_
"Ah," said Cecilia to Mr Gosport, who now approached her, "but for
your explanatory observations, how much would the sudden loquacity of
this supercilious lady, whom I had imagined all but dumb, have
perplext me!"
"Those who are most silent to strangers," answered Mr Gosport,
"commonly talk most fluently to their intimates, for they are deeply
in arrears, and eager to pay off their debts. Miss Leeson now is in
her proper set, and therefore appears in her natural character: and
the poor girl's joy in being able to utter all the nothings she has
painfully hoarded while separated from her coterie, gives to her now
the wild transport of a bird just let loose from a cage. I rejoice to
see the little creature at liberty, for what can be so melancholy as a
forced appearance of thinking, where there are no materials for such
an occupation?"
Soon after, Miss Larolles, who was laughing immoderately, contrived to
crowd herself into their party, calling out to them, "O you have had
the greatest loss in the world! if you had but been in the next room
just now!--there's the drollest figure there you can conceive: enough
to frighten one to look at him." And presently she added "O Lord, if
you stoop a little this way, you may see him!"
Then followed a general tittering, accompanied with exclamations of
"Lord, what a fright!" "It's enough to kill one with laughing to look
at him!" "Did you ever see such a horrid creature in your life?" And
soon after, one of them screamed out "O Lord, see!--he's grinning at
Miss Beverley!"
Cecilia then turned her head towards the door, and there, to her own
as well as her neighbours' amazement, she perceived Mr Briggs! who, in
order to look about him at his ease, was standing upon a chair, from
which, having singled her out, he was regarding her with a facetious
smirk, which, when it caught her eye, was converted into a familiar
nod.
She returned his salutation, but was not much charmed to observe, that
presently descending from his exalted post, which had moved the wonder
and risibility of all the company, he made a motion to approach her;
for which purpose, regardless of either ladies or gentlemen in his
way, he sturdily pushed forward, with the same unconcerned hardiness
he would have forced himself through a crowd in the street; and taking
not the smallest notice of their frowns, supplications that he would
stand still, and exclamations of "Pray, Sir!"--"Lord, how
troublesome!" and "Sir, I do assure you here's no room!" he fairly and
adroitly elbowed them from him till he reached her seat: and then,
with a waggish grin, he looked round, to show he had got the better,
and to see whom he had discomposed.
When he had enjoyed this triumph, he turned to Cecilia, and chucking
her under the chin, said "Well, my little duck, how goes it? got to
you at last; squeezed my way; would not be nicked; warrant I'll mob
with the best of them! Look here! all in a heat!--hot as the dog
days."
And then, to the utter consternation of the company, he took off his
wig to wipe his head! which occasioned such universal horror, that all
who were near the door escaped into other, apartments, while those who
were too much enclosed, for flight, with one accord turned away their
heads.
Captain Aresby, being applied to by some of the ladies to remonstrate
upon this unexampled behaviour, advanced to him, and said, "I am quite
_abimé_, Sir, to incommode you, but the commands of the ladies
are insuperable. Give me leave, Sir, to entreat that you would put on
your wig."
"My wig?" cried he, "ay, ay, shall in a moment, only want to wipe my
head first."
"I am quite _assommé_, Sir," returned the Captain, "to disturb
you, but I must really hint you don't comprehend me: the ladies are
extremely inconvenienced by these sort of sights, and we make it a
principle they should never be _accablées_ with them."
"Anan!" cried Mr Briggs, staring.
"I say, Sir," replied the Captain, "the ladies are quite _au
desespoir_ that you will not cover your head."
"What for?" cried he, "what's the matter with my head? ne'er a man
here got a better! very good stuff in it: won't change it with ne'er a
one of you!"
And then, half unconscious of the offence he had given, and half angry
at the rebuke he had received, he leisurely compleated his design, and
again put on his wig, settling it to his face with as much composure
as if he had performed the operation in his own dressing-room.
The Captain, having gained his point, walked away, making, however,
various grimaces of disgust, and whispering from side to side "he's
the most petrifying fellow I ever was _obsedé_ by!"
Mr Briggs then, with much derision, and sundry distortions of
countenance, listened to an Italian song; after which, he bustled back
to the outer apartment, in search of Cecilia, who, ashamed of seeming
a party in the disturbance he had excited, had taken the opportunity
of his dispute with the Captain, to run into the next room; where,
however, he presently found her, while she was giving an account to Mr
Gosport of her connection with him, to which Morrice, ever curious and
eager to know what was going forward, was also listening.
"Ah, little chick!" cried he, "got to you again! soon out jostle those
jemmy sparks! But where's the supper? see nothing of the supper! Time
to go to bed,--suppose there is none; all a take in; nothing but a
little piping."
"Supper, Sir?" cried Cecilia; "the Concert is not over yet. Was supper
mentioned in your card of invitation?"
"Ay, to be sure, should not have come else. Don't visit often; always
costs money. Wish I had not come now; wore a hole in my shoe; hardly a
crack in it before."
"Why you did not walk, Sir?"
Did, did; why not? Might as well have stayed away though; daubed my
best coat, like to have spoilt it."
"So much the better for the taylors, Sir," said Morrice, pertly, "for
then you must have another."
"Another! what for? ha'n't had this seven years; just as good as new."
"I hope," said Cecilia, "you had not another fall?"
"Worse, worse; like to have lost my bundle."
"What bundle, Sir?"
"Best coat and waistcoat; brought 'em in my handkerchief, purpose to
save them. When will Master Harrel do as much?"
"But had you no apprehensions, Sir," said Mr Gosport drily, "that the
handkerchief would be the sooner worn out for having a knot tied in
it?"
"Took care of that, tied it slack. Met an unlucky boy; little dog gave
it a pluck; knot slipt; coat and waistcoat popt out."
"But what became of the boy, Sir?" cried Morrice, "I hope he got off?"
"Could not run for laughing; caught him in a minute; gave him
something to laugh for; drubbed him soundly."
"O poor fellow!" cried Morrice with a loud hallow, "I am really sorry
for him. But pray, Sir, what became of your best coat and waistcoat
while you gave him this drubbing? did you leave them in the dirt?"
"No, Mr Nincompoop," answered Briggs angrily, "I put them on a stall."
"That was a perilous expedient, Sir," said Mr Gosport, "and I should
fear might be attended with ill consequences, for the owner of the
stall would be apt to expect some little _douçeur_. How did you
manage, Sir?"
"Bought a halfpenny worth of apples. Serve for supper to-morrow
night."
"But how, Sir, did you get your cloaths dried, or cleaned?"
"Went to an alehouse; cost me half a pint."
"And pray, Sir," cried Morrice, "where, at last, did you make your
toilette?"
"Sha'n't tell, sha'n't tell; ask no more questions. What signifies
where a man slips on a coat and waist-coat?"
"Why, Sir, this will prove an expensive expedition to you," said Mr
Gosport, very gravely; "Have you cast up what it may cost you?"
"More than it's worth, more than it's worth", answered he pettishly
"ha'n't laid out so much in pleasure these five years."
"Ha! ha!" cried Morrice, hallowing aloud, "why it can't be more than
sixpence in all!"
"Sixpence?" repeated he scornfully, "if you don't know the value of
sixpence, you'll never be worth fivepence three farthings. How do
think got rich, hay?--by wearing fine coats, and frizzling my pate?
No, no; Master Harrel for that! ask him if he'll cast an account with
me!--never knew a man worth a penny with such a coat as that on."
Morrice again laughed, and again Mr Briggs reproved him; and Cecilia,
taking advantage of the squabble, stole back to the music-room. Here,
in a few minutes, Mrs Panton, a lady who frequently visited at the
house, approached Cecilia, followed by a gentleman, whom she had never
before seen, but who was so evidently charmed with her, that he had
looked at no other object since his entrance into the house. Mrs
Panton, presenting him to her by the name of Mr Marriot, told her he
had begged her intercession for the honour of her hand in the two
first dances: and the moment she answered that she was already
engaged, the same request was made for the two following. Cecilia had
then no excuse, and was therefore obliged to accept him.
The hope she had entertained in the early part of the evening, was
already almost wholly extinguished; Delvile appeared not! though her
eye watched the entrance of every new visitor, and her vexation made
her believe that he alone, of all the town, was absent.
When the Concert was over, the company joined promiscuously for chat
and refreshments before the ball; and Mr Gosport advanced to Cecilia,
to relate a ridiculous dispute which had just passed between Mr Briggs
and Morrice.
"You, Mr Gosport," said Cecilia, "who seem to make the _minutiae_
of absurd characters your study, can explain to me, perhaps, why Mr
Briggs seems to have as much pleasure in proclaiming his meanness, as
in boasting his wealth?"
"Because," answered Mr Gosport, "he knows them, in his own affairs, to
be so nearly allied, that but for practising the one, he had never
possessed the other; ignorant, therefore, of all discrimination,--
except, indeed, of pounds, shillings and pence!--he supposes them
necessarily inseparable, because with him they were united. What you,
however, call meanness, he thinks wisdom, and recollects, therefore,
not with shame but with triumph, the various little arts and
subterfuges by which his coffers have been filled."
Here Lord Ernolf, concluding Cecilia still disengaged from seeing her
only discourse with Mr Gosport and Mr Monckton, one of discourse was
old enough to be her father, and the other was a _married man_,
advanced, and presenting to her Lord Derford, his son, a youth not yet
of age, solicited for him the honour of her hand as his partner.
Cecilia, having a double excuse, easily declined this proposal; Lord
Ernolf, however, was too earnest to be repulsed, and told her he
should again try his interest when her two present engagements were
fulfilled. Hopeless, now, of young Delvile, she heard this intimation
with indifference; and was accompanying Mr Monckton into the ballroom,
when Miss Larolles, flying towards her with an air of infinite eagerness,
caught her hand, and said in a whisper "pray let me wish you joy!"
"Certainly!" said Cecilia, "but pray let me ask you of what?"
"O Lord, now," answered she, "I am sure you know what I mean; but you
must know I have a prodigious monstrous great favour to beg of you:
now pray don't refuse me; I assure you if you do, I shall be so
mortified you've no notion."
"Well, what is it?"
"Nothing but to let me be one of your bride maids. I assure you I
shall take it as the greatest favour in the world."
"My bride maid!" cried Cecilia; "but do you not think the bridegroom
himself will be rather offended to find a bridesmaid appointed, before
he is even thought of?"
"O pray, now," cried she, "don't be ill-natured, for if you are,
you've no idea how I shall be disappointed. Only conceive what
happened to me three weeks ago! you must know I was invited to Miss
Clinton's wedding, and so I made up a new dress on purpose, in a very
particular sort of shape, quite of my own invention, and it had the
sweetest effect you can conceive; well, and when the time came, do you
know her mother happened to die! Never any thing was so excessive
unlucky, for now she won't be married this half year, and my dress
will be quite old and yellow; for it's all white, and the most
beautiful thing you ever saw in your life."
"Upon my word you are very obliging!" cried Cecilia laughing; "and
pray do you make interest regularly round with all your female
acquaintance to be married upon this occasion, or am I the only one
you think this distress will work upon?"
"Now how excessive teazing!" cried Miss Larolles, "when you know so
well what I mean, and when all the town knows as well as myself."
Cecilia then seriously enquired whether she had really any meaning at
all.
"Lord yes," answered she, "you know I mean about Sir Robert Floyer:
for I'm told you've quite refused Lord Derford."
"And are you also told that I have accepted Sir Robert Floyer?"
"O dear yes!--the jewels are bought, and the equipages are built; it's
quite a settled thing, I know very well."
Cecilia then very gravely began an attempt to undeceive her; but the
dancing beginning also at the same time, she stayed not to hear her,
hurrying, with a beating heart, to the place of action. Mr Monckton
and his fair partner then followed, mutually exclaiming against Mr
Harrel's impenetrable conduct; of which Cecilia, however, in a short
time ceased wholly to think, for as soon as the first cotillon was
over, she perceived young Delvile just walking into the room.
Surprise, pleasure and confusion assailed her all at once; she had
entirely given up her expectation of seeing him, and an absence so
determined had led her to conclude he had pursuits which ought to make
her join in wishing it lengthened; but now he appeared, that
conclusion, with the fears that gave rise to it, vanished; and she
regretted nothing but the unfortunate succession of engagements which
would prevent her dancing with him at all, and probably keep off all
conversation with him till supper time.
She soon, however, perceived a change in his air and behaviour that
extremely astonished her: he looked grave and thoughtful, saluted her
at a distance, shewed no sign of any intention to approach her,
regarded the dancing and dancers as a public spectacle in which he had
no chance of personal interest, and seemed wholly altered, not merely
with respect to her, but to himself, as his former eagerness for her
society was not more abated than [his] former general gaiety.
She had no time, however, for comments, as she was presently called to
the second cotillon; but the confused and unpleasant ideas which,
without waiting for time or reflection, crowded upon her imagination
on observing his behaviour, were not more depressing to herself, than
obvious to her partner; Mr Monckton by the change in her countenance
first perceived the entrance of young Delvile, and by her apparent
emotion and uneasiness, readily penetrated into the state of her
mind; he was confirmed that her affections were engaged; he saw, too,
that she was doubtful with what return.
The grief with which he made the first discovery, was somewhat
lessened by the hopes he conceived from, the second; yet the evening
was to him as painful as to Cecilia, since he now knew that whatever
prosperity' might ultimately attend his address and assiduity, her
heart was not her own to bestow; and that even were he sure of young
Delvile's indifference, and actually at liberty to make proposals for
himself, the time of being first in her esteem was at an end, and the
long-earned good opinion which he had hoped would have ripened into
affection, might now be wholly undermined by the sudden impression of
a lively stranger, without trouble to himself, and perhaps without
pleasure!
Reflections such as these wholly embittered the delight he had
promised himself from dancing with her, and took from him all power to
combat the anxiety with which she was seized; when the second
cotillon, therefore, was over, instead of following her to a seat, or
taking the privilege of his present situation to converse with her,
the jealousy rising in his breast robbed him of all satisfaction, and
gave to him no other desire than to judge its justice by watching her
motions at a distance.
Mean while Cecilia, inattentive whether he accompanied or quitted her
proceeded to the first vacant seat. Young Delvile was standing near
it, and, in a short time, but rather as if he could not avoid than as
if he wished it, he came to enquire how she did.
The simplest question, in the then situation of her mind, was
sufficient to confuse her, and though she answered, she hardly knew
what he had asked. A minute's recollection, however, restored an
apparent composure, and she talked to him of Mrs Delvile, with her
usual partial regard for that lady, and with an earnest endeavour to
seem unconscious of any alteration in his behaviour.
Yet, to him, even this trifling and general conversation was evidently
painful, and he looked relieved by the approach of Sir Robert Floyer,
who soon after joined them.
At this time a young lady who was sitting by Cecilia, called to a
servant who was passing, for a glass of lemonade: Cecilia desired he
would bring her one also; but Delvile, not sorry to break off the
discourse, said he would himself be her cup-bearer, and for that
purpose went away.
A moment after, the servant returned with some lemonade to Cecilia's
neighbour, and Sir Robert, taking a glass from him, brought it to
Cecilia at the very instant young Delvile came with another.
"I think I am before hand with you, Sir," said the insolent Baronet.
"No, Sir," answered young Delvile, "I think we were both in together:
Miss Beverley, however, is steward of the race, and we must submit to
her decision."
"Well, madam," cried Sir Robert, "here we stand, waiting your
pleasure. Which is to be the happy man!"
"Each, I hope," answered Cecilia, with admirable presence of mind,
"since I expect no less than that you will both do me the honour of
drinking my health."
This little contrivance, which saved her alike from shewing favour or
giving offence, could not but be applauded by both parties: and while
they obeyed her orders, she took a third glass herself from the
servant.
While this was passing, Mr Briggs, again perceiving her, stumpt
hastily towards her, calling out "Ah ha! my duck! what's that? got
something nice? Come here, my lad, taste it myself."
He then took a glass, but having only put it to his mouth, made a wry
face, and returned it, saying "Bad! bad! poor punch indeed!--not a
drop of rum in it!
"So much the better, Sir," cried Morrice, who diverted himself by
following him, "for then you see the master of the house spares in
something, and you said he spared in nothing."
"Don't spare in fools!" returned Mr Briggs, "keeps them in plenty."
"No, Sir, nor in any out of the way characters," answered Morrice.
"So much the worse," cried Briggs, "so much the worse! Eat him out of
house and home; won't leave him a rag to his back nor a penny in his
pocket. Never mind 'em, my little duck; mind none of your guardians
but me: t'other two a'n't worth a rush."
Cecilia, somewhat ashamed of this speech, looked towards young
Delvile, in whom it occasioned the first smile she had seen that
evening.
"Been looking about for you!" continued Briggs, nodding sagaciously;
"believe I've found one will do. Guess what I mean;--£100,0000--hay?--
what say to that? any thing better at the west end of the town?"
"£100,000!" cried Morrice, "and pray, Sir, who may this be?"
"Not you, Mr jackanapes! sure of that. A'n't quite positive he'll have
you, neither. Think he will, though."
"Pray; Sir, what age is he?" cried the never daunted Morrice.
"Why about--let's see--don't know, never heard,--what signifies?"
"But, Sir, he's an old man, I suppose, by being so rich?"
"Old? no, no such thing; about my own standing."
"What, Sir, and do you propose him for an husband to Miss Beverley?"
"Why not? know ever a one warmer? think Master Harrel will get her a
better? or t'other old Don, in the grand square?"
"If you please, Sir," cried Cecilia hastily, "we will talk of this
matter another time."
"No, pray," cried young Delvile, who could not forbear laughing, "let
it be discussed now."
"Hate 'em," continued Mr Briggs, "hate 'em both! one spending more
than he's worth, cheated and over-reached by fools, running into gaol
to please a parcel of knaves; t'other counting nothing but uncles and
grandfathers, dealing out fine names instead of cash, casting up more
cousins than guineas--"
Again Cecilia endeavoured to silence him, but, only chucking her under
the chin, he went on, "Ay, ay, my little duck, never mind 'em; one of
'em i'n't worth a penny, and t'other has nothing in his pockets but
lists of the defunct. What good will come of that? would not give
twopence a dozen for 'em! A poor set of grandees, with nothing but a
tie-wig for their portions!"
Cecilia, unable to bear this harangue in the presence of young
Delvile, who, however, laughed it off with a very good grace, arose
with an intention to retreat, which being perceived by Sir Robert
Floyer, who had attended to this dialogue with haughty contempt, he
came forward, and said, "now then, madam, may I have the honour of
your hand?"
"No, Sir," answered Cecilia, "I am engaged."
"Engaged again?" cried he, with the air of a man who thought himself
much injured.
"Glad of it, glad of it!" said Mr Briggs; "served very right! have
nothing to say to him, my chick!"
"Why not, Sir?" cried Sir Robert, with an imperious look.
"Sha'n't have her, sha'n't have her! can tell you that; won't consent;
know you of old." "And what do you know of me, pray Sir?"
"No good, no good; nothing to say to you; found fault with my nose!
ha'n't forgot it."
At this moment Mr Marriot came to claim his partner, who, very willing
to quit this scene of wrangling and vulgarity, immediately attended
him. Miss Larolles, again flying up to her, said "O my dear, we are
all expiring to know who that creature is! I never saw such a horrid
fright in my life!"
Cecilia was beginning to satisfy her, but some more young ladies
coming up to join in the request, she endeavoured to pass on; "O but,"
cried Miss Larolles, detaining her, "do pray stop, for I've something
to tell you that's so monstrous you've no idea. Do you know Mr Meadows
has not danced at all! and he's been standing with Mr Sawyer, and
looking on all the time, and whispering and laughing so you've no
notion. However, I assure you, I'm excessive glad he did not ask me,
for all I have been sitting still all this time, for I had a great
deal rather sit still, I assure you: only I'm sorry I put on this
dress, for any thing would have done just to look on in that stupid
manner."
Here Mr Meadows sauntered towards them; and all the young ladies began
playing with their fans, and turning their heads another way, to
disguise the expectations his approach awakened; and Miss Larolles, in
a hasty whisper to Cecilia, cried, "Pray don't take any notice of what
I said, for if he should happen to ask me, I can't well refuse him,
you know, for if I do, he'll be so excessive affronted you can't
think."
Mr Meadows then, mixing in the little group, began, with sundry
grimaces, to exclaim "how intolerably hot it is! there's no such thing
as breathing. How can anybody think of dancing! I am amazed Mr Harrel
has not a ventilator in this room. Don't you think it would be a great
improvement?"
This speech, though particularly addressed to no one, received
immediately an assenting answer from all the young ladies.
Then, turning to Miss Larolles, "Don't you dance?" he said.
"Me?" cried she, embarrassed, "yes, I believe so,--really I don't
know,--I a'n't quite determined."
"O, do dance!" cried he, stretching himself and yawning, "it always
gives me spirits to see you."
Then, turning suddenly to Cecilia, without any previous ceremony of
renewing his acquaintance, either by speaking or bowing, he abruptly
said "Do you love dancing, ma'am?"
"Yes, Sir, extremely well."
"I'm very glad to hear it. You have one thing, then, to soften
existence."
"Do you dislike it yourself?"
"What dancing? Oh dreadful! how it was ever adopted in a civilized
country I cannot find out; 'tis certainly a Barbarian exercise, and of
savage origin. Don't you think so, Miss Larolles?"
"Lord no," cried Miss Larolles, "I assure you I like it better than
any thing; I know nothing so delightful, I declare I dare say I could
not live without it; I should be so stupid you can't conceive."
"Why I remember," said Mr Marriot, "when Mr Meadows was always dancing
himself. Have you forgot, Sir, when you used to wish the night would
last for ever, that you might dance without ceasing?"
Mr Meadows, who was now intently surveying a painting that was over
the chimney-piece, seemed of to hear this question, but presently
called out "I am amazed Mr Harrel can suffer such a picture as this to
be in his house. I hate a portrait, 'tis so wearisome looking at a
thing that is doing nothing!"
"Do you like historical pictures, Sir, any better?"
"O no, I detest them! views of battles, murders, and death! Shocking!
shocking!--I shrink from them with horror!"
"Perhaps you are fond of landscapes?"
"By no means! Green trees and fat cows! what do they tell one? I hate
every thing that is insipid."
"Your toleration, then," said Cecilia, "will not be very extensive."
"No," said he, yawning, "one can tolerate nothing! one's patience is
wholly exhausted by the total tediousness of every thing one sees, and
every body one talks with. Don't you find it so, ma'am?"
"_Sometimes_!" said Cecilia, rather archly.
"You are right, ma'am, extremely right; one does not know what in the
world to do with one's self. At home, one is killed with meditation,
abroad, one is overpowered by ceremony; no possibility of finding ease
or comfort. You never go into public, I think, ma'am?"
"Why not to be much _marked_, I find!" said Cecilia, laughing.
"O, I beg your pardon! I believe I saw you one evening at Almack's: I
really beg your pardon, but I had quite forgot it."
"Lord, Mr Meadows," said Miss Larolles, "don't you know you are
meaning the Pantheon? only conceive how you forget things!"
"The Pantheon, was it? I never know one of those places from another.
I heartily wish they were all abolished; I hate public places. 'Tis
terrible to be under the same roof with a set of people who would care
nothing if they saw one expiring!"
"You are, at least, then, fond of the society of your friends?"
"O no! to be worn out by seeing always the same faces!--one is sick to
death of friends; nothing makes one so melancholy."
Cecilia now went to join the dancers, and Mr Meadows, turning to Miss
Larolles, said, "Pray don't let me keep you from dancing; I am afraid
you'll lose your place."
"No," cried she, bridling, "I sha'n't dance at all."
"How cruel!" cried he, yawning, "when you know how it exhilarates me
to see you! Don't you think this room is very close? I must go and try
another atmosphere,--But I hope you will relent, and dance?"
And then, stretching his arms as if half asleep, he sauntered into the
next room, where he flung himself upon a sofa till the ball was over.
The new partner of Cecilia, who was a wealthy, but very simple young
man, used his utmost efforts to entertain and oblige her, and,
flattered by the warmth of his own desire, he fancied that he
succeeded; though, in a state of such suspence and anxiety, a man of
brighter talents had failed.
At the end of the two dances, Lord Ernolf again attempted to engage
her for his son, but she now excused herself from dancing any more,
and sat quietly as a spectatress till the rest of the company gave
over. Mr Marriot, however, would not quit her, and she was compelled
to support with him a trifling conversation, which, though irksome to
herself, to him, who had not _seen her in her happier hour_, was
delightful.
She expected every instant to be again joined by young Delvile, but
the expectation was disappointed; he came not; she concluded he was in
another apartment; the company was summoned to supper, she then
thought it impossible to miss him; but, after waiting and looking for
him in vain, she found he had already left the house.
The rest of the evening she scarce knew what passed, for she attended
to nothing; Mr Monckton might watch, and Mr Briggs might exhort her,
Sir Robert might display his insolence, or Mr Marriot his gallantry,--
all was equally indifferent, and equally unheeded; and before half
the company left the house, she retired to her own room.
She spent the night in the utmost disturbance; the occurrences of the
evening with respect to young Delvile she looked upon as decisive: if
his absence had chagrined her, his presence had still more shocked
her, since, while she was left to conjecture, though she had fears she
had hopes, and though all she saw was gloomy, all she expected was
pleasant; but they had now met, and those expectations proved
fallacious. She knew not, indeed, how to account for the strangeness
of his conduct; but in seeing it was strange, she was convinced it was
unfavourable: he had evidently avoided her while it was in his power,
and when, at last, he was obliged to meet her, he was formal, distant,
and reserved.
The more she recollected and dwelt upon the difference of his
behaviour in their preceding meeting, the more angry as well as amazed
she became at the change, and though she still concluded the pursuit
of some other object occasioned it, she could find no excuse for his
fickleness if that pursuit was recent, nor for his caprice if it was
anterior.
CHAPTER ii.
A BROAD HINT.
The next day Cecilia, to drive Delvile a little from her thoughts,
which she now no longer wished him to occupy, again made a visit to
Miss Belfield, whose society afforded her more consolation than any
other she could procure.
She found her employed in packing up, and preparing to remove to
another lodging, for her brother, she said, was so much better, that
he did not think it right to continue in so disgraceful a situation.
She talked with her accustomed openness of her affairs, and the
interest which Cecilia involuntarily took in them, contributed to
lessen her vexation in thinking of her own. "The generous friend of my
brother," said she, "who, though but a new acquaintance to him, has
courted him in all his sorrows, when every body else forsook him, has
brought him at last into a better way of thinking. He says there is a
gentleman whose son is soon going abroad, who he is almost sure will
like my brother vastly, and in another week, he is to be introduced to
him. And so, if my mother can but reconcile herself to parting with
him, perhaps we may all do well again."
"Your mother," said Cecilia, "when he is gone, will better know the
value of the blessing she has left in her daughter."
"O no, madam, no; she is wrapt up in him, and cares nothing for all
the world besides. It was always so, and we have all of us been used
to it. But we have had a sad scene since you were so kind as to come
last; for when she told him what you had done, he was almost out of
his senses with anger that we had acquainted you with his distress,
and he said it was publishing his misery, and undoing whatever his
friend or himself could do, for it was making him ashamed to appear in
the world, even when his affairs might be better. But I told him again
and again that you had as much sweetness as goodness, and instead of
hurting his reputation, would do him nothing but credit."
"I am sorry," said Cecilia, "Mrs Belfield mentioned the circumstance
at all; it would have been better, for many reasons, that he should
not have heard of it."
"She hoped it would please him," answered Miss Belfield, "however, he
made us both promise we would take no such step in future, for he said
we were not reduced to so much indigence, whatever he was: and that as
to our accepting money from other people, that we might save up our
own for him, it would be answering no purpose, for he should think
himself a monster to make use of it."
"And what said your mother?"
"Why she gave him a great many promises that she would never vex him
about it again; and indeed, much as I know we are obliged to you,
madam, and gratefully as I am sure I would lay down my life to serve
you, I am very glad in this case that my brother has found it out. For
though I so much wish him to do something for himself, and not to be
so proud, and live in a manner he has no right to do, I think, for all
that, that it is a great disgrace to my' poor father's honest memory,
to have us turn beggars after his death, when he left us all so well
provided for, if we had but known how to be satisfied."
"There is a natural rectitude in your heart," said Cecilia, "that the
ablest casuists could not mend."
She then enquired whither they were removing, and Miss Belfield told
her to Portland Street, Oxford Road, where they were to have two
apartments up two pair of stairs, and the use of a very good parlour,
in which her brother might see his friends. "And this," added she, "is
a luxury for which nobody can blame him, because if he has not the
appearance of a decent home, no gentleman will employ him."
The Padington house, she said, was already let, and her mother was
determined not to hire another, but still to live as penuriously as
possible, in order, notwithstanding his remonstrances, to save all she
could of her income for her son.
Here the conversation was interrupted by the entrance of Mrs Belfield,
who very familiarly said she came to tell Cecilia they were _all in
the wrong box_ in letting her son know of the £10 bank note, "for,"
continued she, "he has a pride that would grace a duke, and he thinks
nothing of his hardships, so long as nobody knows of them. So another
time we must manage things better, and when we do him any good, not
let him know a word of the matter. We'll settle it all among
ourselves, and one day or other he'll be glad enough to thank us."
Cecilia, who saw Miss Belfield colour with shame at the freedom of
this hint, now arose to depart: but Mrs Belfield begged her not to go
so soon, and pressed her with such urgency to again sit down, that she
was obliged to comply.
She then began a warm commendation of her son, lavishly praising all
his good qualities, and exalting even his defects, concluding with
saying "But, ma'am, for all he's such a complete gentleman, and for
all he's made so much of, he was so diffident, I could not get him to
call and thank you for the present you made him, though, when he went
his last airing, I almost knelt to him to do it. But, with all his
merit, he wants as much encouragement as a lady, for I can tell you it
is not a little will do for him."
Cecilia, amazed at this extraordinary speech, looked from the mother
to the daughter in order to discover its meaning, which, however, was
soon rendered plainer by what followed.
"But pray now, ma'am, don't think him the more ungrateful for his
shyness, for young ladies so high in the world as you are, must go
pretty good lengths before a young man will get courage to speak to
them. And though I have told my son over and over that the ladies
never like a man the worse for being a little bold, he's so much down
in the mouth that it has no effect upon him. But it all comes of his
being brought up at the university, for that makes him think he knows
better than I can tell him. And so, to be sure, he does. However, for
all that, it is a hard thing upon a mother to find all she says goes
just for nothing. But I hope you'll excuse him, ma'am, for it's
nothing in the world but his over-modesty."
Cecilia now stared with a look of so much astonishment and
displeasure, that Mrs Belfield, suspecting she had gone rather too
far, added "I beg you won't take what I've said amiss, ma'am, for we
mothers of families are more used to speak out than maiden ladies. And
I should not have said so much, but only I was afraid you would
misconstrue my son's backwardness, and so that he might be flung out
of your favour at last, and all for nothing but having too much
respect for you."
"O dear mother!" cried Miss Belfield, whose face was the colour of
scarlet, "pray!"--
"What's the matter now?" cried Mrs Belfield; "you are as shy as your
brother; and if we are all to be so, when are we to come to an
understanding?"
"Not immediately, I believe indeed," said Cecilia, rising, "but that
we may not plunge deeper in our mistakes, I will for the present take
my leave."
"No, ma'am," cried Mrs Belfield, stopping her, "pray don't go yet, for
I've got a great many things I want to talk to you about. In the first
place, ma'am, pray what is your opinion of this scheme for sending my
son abroad into foreign parts? I don't know what you may think of it,
but as to me, it half drives me out of my senses to have him taken
away from me at last in that unnatural manner. And I'm sure, ma'am, if
you would only put in a word against it, I dare say he would give it
up without a demur."
"Me?" cried Cecilia, disengaging herself from her hold, "No, madam,
you must apply to those friends who better understand his affairs, and
who would have a deeper interest in detaining him."
"Lack a day!" cried Mrs Belfield, with scarcely smothered vexation,
"how hard it is to make these grand young ladies come to reason! As to
my son's other friends, what good will it do for him to mind what they
say? who can expect him to give up his journey, without knowing what
amends he shall get for it?"
"You must settle this matter with him at your leisure," said Cecilia,
"I cannot now stay another moment."
Mrs Belfield, again finding she had been too precipitate, tried to
draw back, saying "Pray, ma'am, don't let what I have mentioned go
against my son in your good opinion, for he knows no more of it than
the furthest person in the world, as my daughter can testify for as to
shyness, he's just as shy as a lady himself; so what good he ever got
at the University, as to the matter of making his fortune, it's what I
never could discover. However, I dare say he knows best; though when
all comes to all, if I was to speak my mind, I think he's made but a
poor hand of it."
Cecilia, who only through compassion to the blushing Henrietta forbore
repressing this forwardness more seriously, merely answered Mrs
Belfield by wishing her good morning: but, while she was taking a
kinder leave of her timid daughter, the mother added "As to the
present, ma'am, you was so kind to make us, Henny can witness for me
every penny of it shall go to my son."
"I rather meant it," said Cecilia, "for your daughter; but if it is of
use to any body, my purpose is sufficiently answered."
Mrs Belfield again pressed her to sit down, but she would not again
listen to her, coldly saying "I am sorry you troubled Mr Belfield with
any mention of what passed between his sister and me, but should you
speak of it again, I beg you will explain to him that he had no
concern in that little transaction, which belonged wholly to
ourselves."
She then hastened down stairs, followed, however, by Mrs Belfield,
making awkward excuses for what she had said, intermixed with frequent
hints that she knew all the time she was in the right.
This little incident, which convinced Cecilia Mrs Belfield was firmly
persuaded she was in love with her son, gave her much uneasiness; she
feared the son himself might entertain the same notion, and thought it
most probable the daughter also had imbibed it, though but for the
forward vulgarity of the sanguine mother, their opinions might long
have remained concealed. Her benevolence towards them, notwithstanding
its purity, must now therefore cease to be exerted: nor could she even
visit Miss Belfield, since prudence, and a regard for her own
character, seemed immediately to prohibit all commerce with the
family.
"And thus difficult," cried she, "is the blameless use of riches,
though: all who want them, think nothing so easy as their disposal!
This family I have so much wished to serve, I may at last only have
injured, since the disappointment of their higher expectations, may
render all smaller benefits contemptible. And thus this unfortunate
misconstruction of my good offices, robs them of a useful assistant,
and deprives me at the same time of an amiable companion."
As soon as she returned home, she had a letter put into her hand which
came from Mr Marriot, whose servant had twice called for an answer in
the short time she had been absent.
This letter contained a most passionate avowal of the impression she
had made on his heart the preceding evening, and an angry complaint
that Mr Harrel had refused to hear his proposals. He entreated her
permission to wait upon her for only five minutes, and concluded with
the most fervent professions of respect and admiration.
The precipitancy of this declaration served merely to confirm the
opinion she had already conceived of the weakness of his
understanding: but the obstinacy of Mr Harrel irritated and distressed
her, though weary of expostulating with so hopeless a subject, whom
neither reason nor gratitude could turn from his own purposes, she was
obliged to submit to his management, and was well content, in the
present instance, to affirm his decree. She therefore wrote a concise
answer to her new admirer, in the usual form of civil rejection.
CHAPTER iii.
AN ACCOMMODATION.
Cecilia was informed the next morning that a young woman begged to
speak with her, and upon sending for her up stairs, she saw, to her
great surprise, Miss Belfield.
She came in fear and trembling, sent, she said, by her mother, to
entreat her pardon for what had passed the preceding day; "But I know,
madam," she added, "you cannot pardon it, and therefore all that I
mean to do is to clear my brother from any share in what was said, for
indeed he has too much sense to harbour any such presumption; and to
thank you with a most grateful heart for all the goodness you have
shewn us."
And then, modestly courtsying, she would have returned home; but
Cecilia, much touched by her gentleness, took her hand, and kindly
reviving her by assurances of esteem, entreated that she would
lengthen her stay.
"How good is this, madam," said she, "after having so much reason to
think so ill of me and of all of us I tried all in my power to
undeceive my mother, or at least to keep her quiet; but she was so
much persuaded she was right, that she never would listen to me, and
always said, did I suppose it was for _me_ you condescended to
come so often?"
"Yes," answered Cecilia, "most undoubtedly; had I not known you,
however well I might have wished your brother, I should certainly not
have visited at his house. But I am very happy to hear the mistake had
spread no further."
"No indeed, madam, I never once thought of it; and as to my brother,
when my mother only hinted it to him, he was quite angry. But though I
don't mean to vindicate what has happened, you will not, I hope, be
displeased if I say my mother is much more pardonable than she seems
to be, for the same mistake she made with you, she would have been as
apt to have made with a princess; it was not, therefore, from any want
of respect, but merely from thinking my brother might marry as high as
he pleased, and believing no lady would refuse him, if he would but
have the courage to speak."
Cecilia assured her she would think no more of the error, but told her
that to avoid its renewal, she must decline calling upon her again
till her brother was gone. She begged therefore to see her in Portman-
square whenever she had leisure, repeatedly assuring her of her good
opinion and regard, and of the pleasure with which she should seize
every opportunity of skewing them.
Delighted by a reception so kind, Miss Belfield remained with her all
the morning; and when at last she was obliged to leave her, she was
but too happy in being solicited to repeat her visit.
She suffered one day only to elapse before she skewed her readiness to
accept the friendship that was offered her; and Cecilia, much pleased
by this eagerness, redoubled her efforts to oblige and to serve her.
From this time, hardly a day passed in which she did not call in
Postman-square, where nothing in her reception was omitted that could
contribute to her contentment. Cecilia was glad to employ her mind in
any way that related not to Delvile, whom she now earnestly
endeavoured to think of no more, denying herself even the pleasure of
talking of him with Miss Belfield, by the name of _her brother's
noble friend_.
During this time she devised various methods, all too delicate to give
even the shadow of offence, for making both useful and ornamental
presents to her new favourite, with whom she grew daily more
satisfied, and to whom she purposed hereafter offering a residence in
her own house.
The trial of intimacy, so difficult to the ablest to stand, and from
which even the most' faultless are so rarely acquitted, Miss Belfield
sustained with honour. Cecilia found her artless, ingenuous, and
affectionate; her understanding was good, though no pains had been
taken to improve it; her disposition though ardent was soft, and her
mind seemed informed by intuitive integrity.
She communicated to Cecilia all the affairs of her family, disguising
from her neither distress nor meanness, and seeking to palliate
nothing but the grosser parts of the character of her mother. She
seemed equally ready to make known to her even the most chosen secrets
of her own bosom, for that such she had was evident, from a frequent
appearance of absence and uneasiness which she took but little trouble
to conceal. Cecilia, however, trusted not herself, in the present
critical situation of her own mind, with any enquiries that might lead
to a subject she was conscious she ought not to dwell upon: a short
time, she hoped, would totally remove her suspence; but as she had
much less reason to expect good than evil, she made it her immediate
study to prepare for the worst, and therefore carefully avoided all
discourse that by nourishing her tenderness, might weaken her
resolution.
While thus, in friendly conversation and virtuous forbearance, passed
gravely, but not unhappily, the time of Cecilia, the rest of the house
was very differently employed: feasting, revelling, amusements of all
sorts were pursued with more eagerness than ever, and the alarm which
so lately threatened their destruction, seemed now merely to heighten
the avidity with which they were sought. Yet never was the disunion of
happiness and diversion more striking and obvious; Mr Harrel, in spite
of his natural levity, was seized from time to time with fits of
horror that embittered his gayest moments, and cast a cloud upon all
his enjoyments. Always an enemy to solitude, he now found it wholly
insupportable, and ran into company of any sort, less from a hope of
finding entertainment, than from a dread of spending half an hour by
himself.
Cecilia, who saw that his rapacity for pleasure encreased with his
uneasiness, once more ventured to speak with his lady upon the subject
of reformation; counselling her to take advantage of his present
apparent discontent, which showed at least some sensibility of his
situation, in order to point out to him the necessity of an immediate
inspection into his affairs, which, with a total change in his way of
life, was her only chance for snatching him from the dismal
despondency into which he was sinking.
Mrs Harrel declared herself unequal to following this advice, and said
that her whole study was to find Mr Harrel amusement, for he was grown
so ill-humoured and petulant she quite feared being alone with him.
The house therefore now was more crowded than ever, and nothing but
dissipation was thought of. Among those who upon this plan were
courted to it, the foremost was Mr Morrice, who, from a peculiar
talent of uniting servility of conduct with gaiety of speech, made
himself at once so agreeable and useful in the family, that in a short
time they fancied it impossible to live without him. And Morrice,
though his first view in obtaining admittance had been the cultivation
of his acquaintance with Cecilia, was perfectly satisfied with the
turn that matters had taken, since his utmost vanity had never led him
to entertain any matrimonial hopes with her, and he thought his
fortune as likely to profit from the civility of her friends as of
herself. For Morrice, however flighty, and wild, had always at heart
the study of his own interest; and though from a giddy forwardness of
disposition he often gave offence, his meaning and his serious
attention was not the less directed to the advancement of his own
affairs: he formed no connection from which he hoped not some benefit,
and he considered the acquaintance and friendship of his superiors in
no other light than that of procuring him sooner or later
recommendations to new clients.
Sir Robert Floyer also was more frequent than ever in his visits, and
Mr Harrel, notwithstanding the remonstrances of Cecilia, contrived
every possible opportunity of giving him access to her. Mrs Harrel
herself, though hitherto neutral, now pleaded his cause with
earnestness; and Mr Arnott, who had been her former refuge from this
persecution, grew so serious and so tender in his devoirs, that unable
any longer to doubt the sentiments she had inspired, she was compelled
even with him to be guarded and distant.
She now with daily concern looked back to the sacrifice she had made
to the worthless and ungrateful Mr Harrel, and was sometimes tempted
to immediately chuse another guardian, and leave his house for ever:
yet the delicacy of her disposition was averse to any step that might
publicly expose him, and her early regard for his wife would not
suffer her to put it in execution.
These circumstances contributed strongly to encrease her intimacy with
Miss Belfield; she now never saw Mrs Delvile, whom alone she preferred
to her, and from the troublesome assiduity of Sir Robert, scarce ever
met Mr Monckton but in his presence: she found, therefore, no resource
against teazing and vexation, but what was afforded her by the
conversation of the amiable Henrietta.
CHAPTER iv.
A DETECTION.
A fortnight had now elapsed in which Cecilia had had no sort of
communication with the Delviles, whom equally from pride and from
prudence she forbore to seek for herself, when one morning, while she
was sitting with Miss Belfield, her maid told her that young Mr
Delvile was in the drawing-room, and begged the honour of seeing her
for a few moments.
Cecilia, though she started and changed colour with surprize at this
message, was unconscious she did either, from the yet greater surprise
she received by the behaviour of Miss Belfield, who hastily arising,
exclaimed "Good God, Mr Delvile!--do you know Mr Delvile, madam?--does
Mr Delvile visit at this house?"
"Sometimes; not often," answered Cecilia; "but why?"
"I don't know,--nothing, madam,--I only asked by accident, I believe,
--but it's very--it's extremely--I did not know"--and colouring
violently, she again sat down.
An apprehension the most painful now took possession of Cecilia, and
absorbed in thought, she continued for some minutes silent and
immoveable.
From this state she was awakened by her maid, who asked if she chose
to have her gloves.
Cecilia, taking them from her without speaking, left the room, and not
daring to stop for enquiry or consideration, hastened down stairs; but
when she entered the apartment where young Delvile was waiting for
her, all utterance seemed denied her, and she courtsied without saying
a word.
Struck with the look and uncommon manner of her entrance, he became in
a moment as much disturbed as herself, pouring forth a thousand
unnecessary and embarrassed apologies for his visit, and so totally
forgetting even the reason why he made it, that he had taken his leave
and was departing before he recollected it. He then turned back,
forcing a laugh at his own absence of mind, and told her he had only
called to acquaint her, that the commands with which she had honoured
him were now obeyed, and, he hoped, to her satisfaction.
Cecilia, who knew not she had ever given him any, waited his further
explanation; and he then informed her he had that very morning
introduced Mr Belfield to the Earl of Vannelt, who had already heard
him very advantageously spoken of by some gentlemen to whom he had
been known at the University, and who was so much pleased with him
upon this first interview, that he meant, after a few enquiries, which
could not but turn out to his credit, to commit his eldest son to his
trust in making the tour of Europe.
Cecilia thanked him for her share in the trouble he had taken in this
transaction; and then asked if Mrs Delvile continued well.
"Yes," answered he, with a smile half reproachful, "as well as one who
having ever hoped your favour, can easily be after finding that hope
disappointed. But much as she has taught her son, there is one lesson
she might perhaps learn from him;--to fly, not seek, those dangerous
indulgences of which the deprivation is the loss of peace!"
He then bowed, and made his exit.
This unexpected reproof, and the yet more unexpected compliment that
accompanied it, in both which _more seemed meant than met the
ear_, encreased the perturbation into which Cecilia had already
been thrown. It occurred to her that under the sanction of his
mother's name, he had taken an opportunity of making an apology for
his own conduct; yet why avoiding her society, if to that he alluded,
should be _flying a dangerous indulgence_, she could not understand,
since he had so little reason to fear any repulse in continuing to seek it.
Sorry, however, for the abrupt manner in which she had left Miss
Belfield, she lost not a moment in hastening back to her; but when she
came into the room, she found her employed in looking out of the
window, her eye following some object with such earnestness of
attention, that she perceived not her return.
Cecilia, who could not doubt the motive of her curiosity, had no great
difficulty in forbearing to offer her any interruption. She drew her
head back in a few minutes, and casting it upwards, with her hands
clasped, softly whispered, "Heaven ever shield and bless him! and O
may he never feel such pain as I do!"
She then again looked out, but soon drawing herself in, said, in the
same soft accents, "Oh why art thou gone! sweetest and noblest of men!
why might I not see thee longer, when, under heaven, there is no other
blessing I wish for!"
A sigh which at these words escaped Cecilia made her start and turn
towards the door; the deepest blushes overspread the cheeks of both as
their eyes met each other, and while Miss Belfield trembled in every
limb at the discovery she had made, Cecilia herself was hardly able to
stand.
A painful and most embarrassed silence succeeded, which was only
broken by Miss Belfield's bursting into tears.
Cecilia, extremely moved, forgot for a moment her own interest in what
was passing, and tenderly approaching, embraced her with the utmost
kindness: but still she spoke not, fearing to make an enquiry, from
dreading to hear any explanation.
Miss Belfield, soothed by her softness, clung about her, and hiding
her face in her arms, sobbed out, "Ah madam! who ought to be unhappy
if befriended by you! if I could help it, I would love nobody else in
almost the whole world. But you must let me leave you now, and
to-morrow I will tell you every thing."
Cecilia, who had no wish for making any opposition, embraced her
again, and suffered her quietly to depart.
Her own mind was now in a state of the utmost confusion. The rectitude
of her heart and the soundness of her judgment had hitherto guarded
her both from error and blame, and, except during her recent suspence,
had preserved her tranquility inviolate: but her commerce with the
world had been small and confined, and her actions had had little
reference but to herself. The case was now altered; and she was
suddenly in a conjuncture of all others the most delicate, that of
accidentally discovering a rival in a favourite friend.
The fondness she had conceived for Miss Belfield, and the sincerity of
her intentions as well as promises to serve her, made the detection of
this secret peculiarly cruel: she had lately felt no pleasure but in
her society, and looked forward to much future comfort from the
continuance of her regard, and from their constantly living together:
but now this was no longer even to be desired, since the utter
annihilation of the wishes of both, by young Delvile's being disposed
of to a third person, could alone render eligible their dwelling under
the same roof.
Her pity, however, for Miss Belfield was almost wholly unallayed by
jealousy; she harboured not any suspicion that she was loved by young
Delvile, whose aspiring spirit led her infinitely more to fear some
higher rival, than to believe he bestowed even a thought upon the poor
Henrietta: but still she wished with the utmost ardour to know the
length of their acquaintance, how often they had met, when they had
conversed, what notice he had taken of her, and how so dangerous a
preference had invaded her heart.
But though this curiosity was both natural and powerful, her principal
concern was the arrangement of her own conduct: the next day Miss
Belfield was to tell her every thing by a voluntary promise; but she
doubted if she had any right to accept such a confidence. Miss
Belfield, she was sure, knew not she was interested in the tale, since
she had not even imagined that Delvile was known to her. She might
hope, therefore, not only for advice but assistance, and fancy that
while she reposed her secret in the bosom of a friend, she secured
herself her best offices and best wishes for ever.
Would she obtain them? no; the most romantic generosity would revolt
from such a demand, for however precarious was her own chance with
young Delvile, Miss Belfield she was sure could not have any: neither
her birth nor education fitted her for his rank in life, and even were
both unexceptionable, the smallness of her fortune, as Mr Monckton had
instructed her, would be an obstacle insurmountable.
Would it not be a kind of treachery to gather from her every thing,
yet aid her in nothing? to take advantage of her unsuspicious openness
in order to learn all that related to one whom she yet hoped would
belong ultimately to herself, and gratify an interested curiosity at
the expence of a candour not more simple than amiable? "No," cried
Cecilia, "arts that I could never forgive, I never will practice; this
sweet, but unhappy girl shall tell me nothing: betrayed already by the
tenderness of her own heart, she shall at least suffer no further from
any duplicity in mine. If, indeed, Mr Delvile, as I suspect, is
engaged elsewhere, I will make this gentle Henrietta the object of my
future solicitude: the sympathy of our situations will not then divide
but unite us, and I will take her to my bosom, hear all her sorrows,
and calm her troubled spirit by participating in her sensibility. But
if, on the contrary, this mystery ends more happily for myself, if Mr
Delvile has now no other engagement, and hereafter clears his conduct
to my satisfaction, I will not be accessory to loading her future
recollection with the shame of a confidence she then cannot but
repent, nor with an injury to her delicacy that may wound it for
ever."
She determined, therefore, carefully to avoid the subject for the
present, since she could offer no advice for which she might not,
hereafter, be suspected of selfish motives; but yet, from a real
regard to the tender-hearted girl, to give all the tacit
discouragement that was in her power, to a passion which she firmly
believed would be productive of nothing but misery.
Once, from the frankness natural to her disposition, she thought not
merely of receiving but returning her confidence: her better judgment,
however, soon led her from so hazardous a plan, which could only have
exposed them both to a romantic humiliation, by which, in the end,
their mutual expectations might prove sources of mutual distrust.
When Miss Belfield, therefore, the next morning, her air unusually
timid, and her whole face covered with blushes, made her visit,
Cecilia, not seeming to notice her confusion, told her she was very
sorry she was obliged to go out herself, and contrived, under various
pretences, to keep her maid in the room. Miss Belfield, supposing this
to be accidental, rejoiced in her imaginary reprieve, and soon
recovered her usual chearfulness: and Cecilia, who really meant to
call upon Mrs Delvile, borrowed Mrs Harrel's carriage, and set down
her artless young friend at her new lodgings in Portland-street,
before she proceeded to St James's-square, talking the whole time
upon matters of utter indifference.
CHAPTER v.
A SARCASM.
The reproach which Cecilia had received from young Delvile in the name
of his mother, determined her upon making this visit; for though, in
her present uncertainty, she wished only to see that family when
sought by themselves, she was yet desirous to avoid all appearance of
singularity, lest any suspicions should be raised of her sentiments.
Mrs Delvile received her with a cold civility that chilled and
afflicted her: she found her seriously offended by her long absence,
and now for the first time perceived that haughtiness of character
which hitherto she had thought only given to her by the calumny of
envy; for though her displeasure was undisguised, she deigned not to
make any reproaches, evidently shewing that her disappointment in the
loss of her society, was embittered by a proud regret for the kindness
she believed she had thrown away. But though she scrupulously forbore
the smallest complaint, she failed not from time to time to cast out
reflections upon fickleness and caprice the most satirical and
pointed.
Cecilia, who could not possibly avow the motives of her behaviour,
ventured not to offer any apology for her apparent negligence; but,
hitherto accustomed to the most distinguished kindness, a change to so
much bitterness shocked and overpowered her, and she sat almost wholly
silent, and hardly able to look up.
Lady Honoria Pemberton, a daughter of the Duke of Derwent, now came
into the room, and afforded her some relief by the sprightliness of
her conversation. This young lady, who was a relation of the Delviles,
and of a character the most airy and unthinking, ran on during her
whole visit in a vein of fashionable scandal, with a levity that the
censures of Mrs Delvile, though by no means spared, had no power to
[controul]: and, after having completely ransacked the topics of the
day, she turned suddenly to Cecilia, with whom during her residence in
St James's-square she had made some acquaintance, and said, "So I
hear, Miss Beverley, that after half the town has given you to Sir
Robert Floyer, and the other half to my Lord Derford, you intend,
without regarding one side or the other, to disappoint them both, and
give yourself to Mr Marriot."
"Me? no, indeed," answered Cecilia, "your ladyship has been much
misinformed."
"I hope so," said Mrs Delvile, "for Mr Marriot, by all I ever heard of
him, seems to have but one recommendation, and that the last Miss
Beverley ought to value, a good estate."
Cecilia, secretly delighted by a speech which she could not resist
flattering herself had reference to her son, now a little revived, and
endeavoured to bear some part in the conversation.
"Everybody one meets," cried Lady Honoria, "disposes of Miss Beverley
to some new person; yet the common opinion is that Sir Robert Floyer
will be the man. But upon my word, for my own part, I cannot
conjecture how she will manage among them, for Mr Marriot declares
he's determined he won't be refused, and Sir Robert vows that he'll
never give her up. So we none of us know how it will end; but I am
vastly glad she keeps them so long in suspence."
"If there is any suspence," said Cecilia, "I am at least sure it must
be wilful. But why should your ladyship rejoice in it?"
"O, because it helps to torment them, and keeps something going
forward. Besides, we are all looking in the news-papers every day, to
see when they'll fight another duel for you."
"Another?" cried Cecilia; "indeed they have never yet fought any for
me."
"O, I beg your pardon," answered her ladyship, "Sir Robert, you know,
fought one for you in the beginning of the winter, with that Irish
fortune-hunter who affronted you at the Opera."
"Irish fortune-hunter?" repeated Cecilia, "how strangely has that
quarrel been misrepresented! In the first place, I never was affronted
at the Opera at all, and in the second, if your Ladyship means Mr
Belfield, I question if he ever was in Ireland in his life."
"Well," cried Lady Honoria, "he might come from Scotland, for aught I
know, but somewhere he certainly came from; and they tell me he is
wounded terribly, and Sir Robert has had all his things packed up this
month, that in case he should die, he may go abroad in a moment."
"And pray where, Lady Honoria," cried Mrs Delvile, "do you contrive to
pick up all this rattle?"
"O, I don't know; everybody tells me something, so I put it all
together as well as I can. But I could acquaint you with a stranger
piece of news than any you have heard yet."
"And what is that?"
"O, if I let you know it, you'll tell your son."
"No indeed," said Mrs Delvile laughing, "I shall probably forget it
myself."
She then made some further difficulty, and Cecilia, uncertain if she
was meant to be a party in the communication, strolled to a window;
where, however, as Lady Honoria did not lower her voice, she heard her
say "Why you must know I am told he keeps a mistress somewhere in
Oxford-Road. They say she's mighty pretty; I should like vastly to see
her."
The consternation of Cecilia at this intelligence would certainly have
betrayed all she so much wished to conceal, had not her fortunate
removal to the window guarded her from observation. She kept her post,
fearing to look round, but was much pleased when Mrs Delvile, with
great indignation answered "I am sorry, Lady Honoria, you can find any
amusement in listening to such idle scandal, which those who tell will
never respect you for hearing. In times less daring in slander, the
character of Mortimer would have proved to him a shield from all
injurious aspersions; yet who shall wonder he could not escape, and
who shall contemn the inventors of calumny, if Lady Honoria Pemberton
condescends to be entertained with it?"
"Dear Mrs Delvile," cried Lady Honoria, giddily, "you take me too
seriously."
"And dear Lady Honoria," said Mrs Delvile, "I would it were possible
to make you take yourself seriously; for could you once see with
clearness and precision how much you lower your own dignity, while you
stoop to depreciate that of others, the very subjects that now make
your diversion, would then, far more properly, move your resentment."
"Ay but, dear madam," cried Lady Honoria, "if that were the case, I
should be quite perfect, and then you and I should never quarrel, and
I don't know what we should do for conversation."
And with these words, hastily shaking hands with her, she took leave.
"Such conversation," said Mrs Delvile when she was gone, "as results
from the mixture of fruitless admonition with incorrigible levity,
would be indeed _more honoured in the breach than the observance_.
But levity is so much the fashionable characteristic of the present age,
that a gay young girl who, like Lady Honoria Pemberton, rules the friends
by whom she ought to be ruled, had little chance of escaping it."
"She seems so open, however, to reproof," said Cecilia, "that I should
hope in a short time she may also be open to conviction."
"No," answered Mrs Delvile, "I have no hope of her at all. I once took
much pains with her; but I soon found that the easiness with which she
hears of her faults, is only another effect of the levity with which
she commits them. But if the young are never tired of erring in
conduct, neither are the older in erring in judgment; the fallibility
of _mine_ I have indeed very lately experienced."
Cecilia, who strongly felt the poignancy of this sarcasm, and whose
constant and unaffected value of Mrs Delvile by no means deserved it,
was again silenced, and again most cruelly depressed: nor could she
secretly forbear repining that at the very moment she found herself
threatened with a necessity of foregoing the society of her new
favourite, Miss Belfield, the woman in the whole world whom she most
wished to have for her friend, from an unhappy mistake was ready to
relinquish her. Grieved to be thus fallen in her esteem, and shocked
that she could offer no justification, after a short and thoughtful
pause, she gravely arose to take leave.
Mrs Delvile then told her that if she had any business to transact
with Mr Delvile, she advised her to acquaint him with it soon, as the
whole family left town in a few days.
This was a new and severe blow to Cecilia, who sorrowfully repeated
"In a few days, madam?"
"Yes," answered Mrs Delvile, "I hope you intend to be much concerned?"
"Ah madam!" cried Cecilia, who could no longer preserve her quietness,
"if you knew but half the respect I bear you, but half the sincerity
with which I value and revere you, all protestations would be useless,
for all accusations would be over!"
Mrs Delvile, at once surprised and softened by the warmth of this
declaration, instantly took her hand, and said "They shall now, and
for ever be over, if it pains you to hear them. I concluded that what
I said would be a matter of indifference to you, or all my displeasure
would immediately have been satisfied, when once I had intimated that
your absence had excited it."
"That I have excited it at all," answered Cecilia, "gives me indeed
the severest uneasiness; but believe me, madam, however unfortunately
appearances maybe against me, I have always had the highest sense of
the kindness with which you have honoured me, and never has there been
the smallest abatement in the veneration, gratitude, and affection I
have inviolably borne you."
"You see, then," said Mrs Delvile with a smile, that where reproof
takes any effect, it is not received: with that easiness you were just
now admiring: on the contrary, where a concession is made without
pain, it is also made without meaning, for it is not in human nature
to project any amendment without a secret repugnance. That here,
however, you should differ from Lady Honoria Pemberton, who can
wonder, when you are superior to all comparison with her in every
thing?"
"Will you then," said Cecilia, "accept my apology, and forgive me?"
"I will do more," said Mrs Delvile laughing, "I will forgive you
_without_ an apology; for the truth is I have heard none! But
come," continued she, perceiving Cecilia much abashed by this
comment, "I will enquire no more about the matter; I am glad to
receive my young friend again, and even half ashamed, deserving as she
is, to say _how_ glad!"
She then embraced her affectionately, and owned she had been more
mortified by her fancied desertion than she had been willing to own
even to herself, repeatedly assuring her that for many years she had
not made any acquaintance she so much wished to cultivate, nor enjoyed
any society from which she had derived so much pleasure.
Cecilia, whose eyes glistened with modest joy, while her heart beat
quick with revived expectation, in listening to an effusion of praise
so infinitely grateful to her, found little difficulty in returning
her friendly professions, and, in a few minutes, was not merely
reconciled, but more firmly united with her than ever.
Mrs Delvile insisted upon keeping her to dinner, and Cecilia, but too
happy in her earnestness, readily agreed to send Mrs Harrel an excuse.
Neither of the Mr Delviles spent the day at home, and nothing,
therefore, disturbed or interrupted those glowing and delightful
sensations which spring from a cordial renewal of friendship and
kindness. The report, indeed, of Lady Honoria Pemberton gave her some
uneasiness, yet the flighty character of that lady, and Mrs Delvile's
reply to it, soon made her drive it from her mind.
She returned home early in the evening, as other company was expected,
and she had not changed her dress since the morning; but she first
made a promise to see Mrs Delvile some part of every day during the
short time that she meant to remain in town.
CHAPTER vi.
A SURMISE.
The next morning opened with another scene; Mrs Harrel ran into
Cecilia's room before breakfast, and acquainted her that Mr Harrel had
not been at home all night.
The consternation with which she heard this account she instantly
endeavoured to dissipate, in order to soften the apprehension with
which it was communicated: Mrs Harrel, however, was extremely uneasy,
and sent all the town over to make enquiries, but without receiving
any intelligence.
Cecilia, unwilling to leave her in a state of such alarm, wrote an
excuse to Mrs Delvile, that she might continue with her till some
information was procured. A subject also of such immediate concern,
was sufficient apology for avoiding any particular conversation with
Miss Belfield, who called, as usual, about noon, and whose susceptible
heart was much affected by the evident disturbance in which she found
Cecilia.
The whole day passed, and no news arrived: but, greatly to her
astonishment, Mrs Harrel in the evening prepared for going to an
assembly! yet declaring at the, same time it was extremely
disagreeable to her, only she was afraid, if she stayed away, every
body would suppose something was the matter.
Who then at last, thought Cecilia, are half so much the slaves of the
world as the gay and the dissipated? Those who work for hire, have at
least their hours of rest, those who labour for subsistence are at
liberty when subsistence is procured; but those who toil to please the
vain and the idle, undertake a task which can never be finished,
however scrupulously all private peace, and all internal comfort, may
be sacrificed in reality to the folly of saving appearances!
Losing, however, the motive for which she had given up her own
engagement, she now sent for her chair, in order to spend an hour or
two with Mrs Delvile. The servants, as they conducted her up stairs,
said they would call their lady; and in entering the drawing-room she
saw, reading and alone, young Delvile.
He seemed much surprised, but received her with the utmost respect,
apologizing for the absence of his mother, whom he said had understood
she was not to see her till the next day, and had left him to write
letters now, that she might then be at liberty.
Cecilia in return made excuses for her seeming inconsistency; after
which, for some time, all conversation dropt.
The silence was at length broken by young Delvile's saying "Mr
Belfield's merit has not been thrown away upon Lord Vannelt; he has
heard an excellent character of him from all his former acquaintance,
and is now fitting up an apartment for him in his own house till his
son begins his tour."
Cecilia said she was very happy in hearing such intelligence; and then
again they were both silent.
"You have seen," said young Delvile, after this second pause, "Mr
Belfield's sister?"
Cecilia, not without changing colour, answered "Yes, Sir."
"She is very amiable," he continued, "too amiable, indeed, for her
situation, since her relations, her brother alone excepted, are all
utterly unworthy of her."
He stopt; but Cecilia made no answer, and he presently added "Perhaps
you do not think her amiable?--you may have seen more of her, and
know something to her disadvantage?"
"O no!" cried Cecilia, with a forced alacrity, "but only I was
thinking that--did you say you knew all her relations?"
"No," he answered, "but when I have been with Mr Belfield, some of
them have called upon him."
Again they were both silent; and then Cecilia, ashamed of her apparent
backwardness to give praise, compelled herself to say, "Miss Belfield
is indeed a very sweet girl, and I wish--" she stopt, not well knowing
herself what she meant to add.
"I have been greatly pleased," said he, after waiting some time to
hear if she would finish her speech, "by being informed of your
goodness to her, and I think she seems equally to require and to
deserve it. I doubt not you will extend it to her when she is deprived
of her brother, for then will be the time that by doing her most
service, it will reflect on yourself most honour."
Cecilia, confounded by this recommendation, faintly answered
"Certainly,--whatever is in my power,--I shall be very glad--"
And just then Mrs Delvile made her appearance, and during the mutual
apologies that followed, her son left the room. Cecilia, glad of any
pretence to leave it also, insisted upon giving no interruption to Mrs
Delvile's letter writing, and having promised to spend all the next
day with her, hurried back to her chair.
The reflections that followed her thither were by no means the most
soothing: she began now to apprehend that the pity she had bestowed
upon Miss Belfield, Miss Belfield in a short time might bestow upon
her: at any other time, his recommendation would merely have served to
confirm her opinion of his benevolence, but in her present state of
anxiety and uncertainty, every thing gave birth to conjecture, and had
power to alarm her. He had behaved to her of late with the strangest
coldness and distance,--his praise of Henrietta had been ready and
animated,--Henrietta she knew adored him, and she knew not with what
reason,--but an involuntary suspicion arose in her mind, that the
partiality she had herself once excited, was now transferred to that
little dreaded, but not less dangerous rival.
Yet, if such was the case, what was to become either of the pride or
the interest of his family? Would his relations ever pardon an
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