Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living
by
H.W. Long
Part 2 out of 3
are both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect
condition of the penis; the walls of the vagina and all the area
of the vulva will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and
slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" and
everything will be in _perfect readiness_ for the next part of the
performance, namely the union of the organs.
And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position of
the parties in making such union. There are a large number of these
possible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the most
common one will be considered (it is said there are more than forty
different positions possible in this act).
The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back,
with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that the
angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less than
a right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be no
pillow under it.
Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lover
should come. His body will thus be over and above her, and _he should
sustain himself on his elbows and knees_, so that little or _none_ of
his weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (and
it should be noted that only in the human family is this position of
coitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the back
of the female. They--mere animals--can never look each other in the
eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked and
very significant difference between human beings and all other animals
in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs to
go together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. The
woman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover's
legs, and clasp his body with her arms.
The entrance of the penis into the vagina should not be too abrupt,
unless circumstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and it
is _the wish of the wife_ that it be made in this way. It is only
fair to say, though, that such bold and pronounced entrance is often
_greatly desired by the woman_, if her passion has been fully aroused
at this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of the
greatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its being
so made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the coming
together, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the penis working its
way into the vagina by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encased
therein. Once thus happily together, the vagina and uterine cavity
will still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will be
fitted together perfectly, a single unit, _one_, in the highest sense
of unity.
This is the _second_ act in this wonderful play.
Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adapted
to each other, the _third_ act begins, namely, _the motion of the
organs_--the sliding of the penis back and forth, partly in and out of
the vagina, though this is not really the best way of describing just
what should take place. What _should_ actually be done is, that the
_two_ organs should engage in this motion, which is _common to them
both_. They should _mutually_ slip a few inches, back and forth, _each
party to the motion doing a fair half_.
It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent"
wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband--that
he should slide his penis in and out of the vagina, while the woman
should lie still and "_let him do it all_." This is, however, a
_great_ mistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill to
untold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons:
In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around her
lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supports
himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, resting _none_ of
his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips up
and down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling
"round-and-round" motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus
_originate_ her half of the in-and-out motion--a something she will
delight to do, _if given a fair chance._ If, however, the man lies
heavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, the
possibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this results
disastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, the
husband should take the _utmost care_ to give his wife the _full and
complete freedom_ to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful
climax demands that she should.
Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and the
in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows will
vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, or
last act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes,
may require a mere half dozen motions, or _several hundred!_ All
depends on the intensity of the passions of the husband and wife,
especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part of
the act.
The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still more
distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster and
faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs will
possibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricating
fluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all at
once, the orgasm, or _fourth stage_, is reached!
It is difficult to describe what this orgasm is like. There is no
bodily sensation that at all corresponds to it, unless it be a sneeze,
and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort of
nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an orgasm). A sexual
orgasm is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosions
which defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control of
the will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is
delectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human
experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactly
the same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled in
human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands and
wives, to attain to this supreme height of sexual possibilities.
On the part of the man, the orgasm throws the semen into, and all
about the vaginal-uterine tract. The amount of semen thus discharged
at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flush
and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action there
have already been described, and so need not be repeated here.
On the part of the woman, the orgasm causes no corresponding emission
of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the semen. Yet the
spasmodic action of the sexual parts, so far as nervous explosions are
concerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation follows
palpitation, through all the sexual area; the mouth of the womb opens
and closes convulsively, the vagina dilates and contracts again and
again, and the vulva undergoes similar actions. The sensations are
all of the most delectable nature, the whole of the woman's body being
thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible.
This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the orgasm in woman.
_It has nothing whatever to do with conception_; though many people,
especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon,
believe that it is an _essential_ to pregnancy. _But such is by no
means the case._ All that is needed to bring about conception in a
woman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting semen
there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is
concerned, the _woman_ need have _no pleasure at all_ in the act of
coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh semen
from some man and injecting it into the vagina with an ordinary female
syringe!
The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes the
form that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless the
orgasm is _simultaneous on the part of the man and woman_, has caused
many a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result to
be impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the same
instant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated his
wife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone
experienced the orgasm, that therefore conception was impossible.
Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it is
possible for a woman to experience an orgasm at all! The writer once
knew a case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligent
and well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and to
whom were born six children, who, at the end of that time were
wholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by
accident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many
years. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this
sensation at all, but of this more will be said later.
All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as women
are concerned, _the orgasm is entirely for her delectation and
delight. It forms no part of the act of conception_, and its only
possible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of the
exceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women to
engage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and
that it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers.
Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of
becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an orgasm! But more of
this later.
As soon as the orgasm is over, a total collapse of the husband and
wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive word,
which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the man
the up-to-this-moment stout penis, becomes almost instantly limp
and shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A most
delightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of the
whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep at once, comes upon
them irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves
of such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always
have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with which
to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as the
organs are separated, will, in greater or less quantity, flow from the
vagina. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the penis when
it is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remains
with him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, and
immediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wife
_perfectly free_, to do as she will. She should arrange the towel
between her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no
attempt to remove the surplus semen at that time, and turn over and go
to sleep _immediately_. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep on
her _back_, after coition, she thereby increases the _probability_,
of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desire
motherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay on
her back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnant
after all other means had failed.)
Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, to
immediately remove the surplus semen, was uncleanly and unsanitary.
But this is not at all true, and for this reason: _The semen is a most
powerful stimulant to all the female sex-organs, and to the whole body
of the woman_. The organs themselves will absorb quantities of semen,
if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial to
them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause that
many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are married
and so can avail themselves of this _healthful food._ As a matter
of fact, _there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is as
potent to woman-kind as semen_. There are multitudes of "nervous"
women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in good
health, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the
absorption of semen, when both these items are present in perfection.
On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills,
when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied.
The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, and
its products utilized.
So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage"
into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long,
so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presence
of the semen and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she may
bathe the vulva region with warm water; but there is no need of, nor
is it wise to try to cleanse the vagina and the uterine tract by the
use of a vaginal syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into the
vagina, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some women
use a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer
way to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with
blood at such times, and to pour _cold_ water upon them is as though,
when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a cold
bath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the semen
that remains in the vagina. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanse
and care for themselves.
Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at its
best estate, and in a general way. _Its perfect accomplishment is an
art to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attained
by wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and a
loving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the parties
to the act. It is no mere animal function._ It is a _union_, a _unity_
of "two _souls_ with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as
one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what it
ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highest
and best estate. It is _God-designed, God-born, God-bestowed!_ As such
it should be thankfully received and _divinely used_ by all the sons
and daughters of men.
VII
THE FIRST UNION
And now, although so much has been said, there is much that remains to
be said, and which ought to be said, to do the subject justice. Some
of these things are as follows:
Something more ought to be told about the second part of the act of
coitus, the union of the organs, when this occurs for the _first_ time
on the part of the woman.
At the first meeting of the husband and wife, if the woman be a
virgin, there are certain conditions which exist, on her part, that
are not present in after-meetings, and these must be understood and
rightly dealt with, or the worst of bad results may ensue.
Of course, at such first meeting, all the preliminaries prescribed as
forming the _first_ movement of the act should be carried out _to the
limit_. It is not too much to say that these should be prolonged for
_some days_! Do not start, young husband, at this statement! Well did
Alexander Dumas, pere, write: "Oh, young husband, have a care in the
first overtures you make toward your bride! She may shrink from what
she feels must come; she may put her hands over her eyes to shut out
the sight; but do not forget that she is a woman, and so is filled
with _curiosity_, under any and all circumstances! And you may set it
down as sure, that, though she blinds herself with her hands as she
scales the dizzy heights you are leading her over, nevertheless,
_she will peek through her fingers!_ So she will watch you with most
critical eyes, and note every show of _selfishness or blundering on
your part! So have a care!_ You may think you are aiming your arrow
at the sun. See to it that it does not alight in the mud!" Good words
these, and to be heeded, come what may!
As a rule, if the bride be a virgin, it is well to _let plenty of time
elapse before engaging in the full act of coitus!_ Delay here will
lead to a possible loving speed, later on. The young people should
take time enough to get better acquainted with each other than ever
before; to become, in a measure, accustomed to the uncovered presence
of each other, and to the new possibilities of "courting" and "playing
together" that their new conditions offer. In any case, full coitus
should not be attempted till the bride is at least _willing_. If
she can be brought to become _anxious_ for the meeting, so much the
better.
And so, with plenty of time taken for making ready for the act, we
come to the first union of the organs for a newly married couple, the
bride being a virgin. And here is where an explanation is called for.
The vulva, or external part of the female sex organs, is a mouth
shaped aperture, located laterally between the forward part of the
thighs. In shape, size and structure, it much resembles the external
parts of the mouth proper. It begins just in front of the anus, and
extends forward above the pubic bone and a little ways up the belly.
Its entire lateral length is about four or more inches.
This organ is made up of several parts, as follows: The lips, or
labiae, as they are technically known, the clitoris, and the vaginal
opening. The lips are a double row, two on either side, and are known
as labiae major and labiae minor, that is, the thicker and thinner, or
larger and smaller lips. They extend almost the entire length of the
vulva, the outer lips folding over the inner ones when the thighs are
together. The outer parts of the larger lips are covered with hair. In
thickness and quality these labiae are much like the lips of the face
of each individual, a large mouth and thick lips indicate a large
vulva and thick labiae and vice-versa. The clitoris is a gland that
is located forward, on the upper part of the vulva. It corresponds,
almost exactly, in make-up and function, with the glans penis of the
male organ. The vaginal opening is at the rear, or lower part of the
vulva, and leads directly into the vagina proper.
All these parts are composed of most keenly responsive nerves, and
they are covered with a thin, delicate and exceedingly sensitive
skin, almost exactly such as lines the cheeks and the mouth. Both the
clitoris and the lips are filled with expandable blood vessels, and
in a state of tumescence they are greatly enlarged by a flow of
blood into the parts. The clitoris, in this condition, undergoes an
enlargement, or "erection," which is exactly like that of the glans
penis. So much as to the physiology of this part of the female sex
organs, all of which should be well understood by every bride and
bridegroom, though often it is not.
Now, in its virgin state, the vulva has another part, not yet named,
and this is the hymen, or "maiden-head" as it is commonly known. This
is a membrane that grows across the forward, or upper part of the
vaginal opening, and so _closes up_ nearly all that part of the
vulva. This hymen is not always present, however, even in a state of
undoubted virginity. Sometimes it is torn away in childhood by the
little girl's fingers, as she "plays with herself." Sometimes it
is ruptured by lifting, again it is broken away by the use of a
large-sized female syringe. _For all these reasons, it is not right to
conclude that a bride is not a virgin because the hymen is not present
and in evidence at the first coition._
Now many young husbands, and some young wives, are wholly ignorant of
the _existence_ of the hymen, and of the troubles it may cause at the
second part of the sexual act, in a first meeting. This membrane is
often quite tough and strong. It is grown fast to the lower part of
the clitoris and to the inside surfaces of the smaller lips, and
it covers so much of the vaginal opening that it is practically
impossible for the erect penis to enter the vagina so long as it
is present. Now if, under these conditions, the bride and groom
(especially the latter) are ignorant of the real construction of the
parts, and so should try to make a union of the organs, they would
find such union obstructed, if not impossible; and if the man,
puzzled, and impatient, and passion-driven, should _force_ a hasty
entrance into the vagina, rupturing the hymen ruthlessly, he would
hurt the woman cruelly, probably cause her to _bleed_ freely from the
wounded parts, and shock her seriously! All of which would be a score
against the husband, would brand him as a brute, or a bungler, and so
tend to make his "sun-aimed arrow alight in the mud."
The thing to do here, is, first of all, to know the situation and to
talk it over, and carefully, delicately, do the best that can be done
about it. If the conditions are fully understood by the bride and
groom, they can, in almost every case, by working and moving together
carefully, overcome the obstacle, remove the hymen with little or no
pain or loss of blood.
As a matter of fact, when the time for meeting comes, if all the facts
are known, and the husband will hold his erect penis still and steady
against the hymen, the bride will so press against it, and "wiggle
around" it, that _by her own motions_, she will break the membrane and
so be rid of it. She knows how much pain she can endure, and when the
pressure is too hard she can relieve it by her own action! Anyhow,
what is done _she does_ herself, and so can never charge up against
her husband!
It is a rare case in which, by mutual willingness, and desire and
mutual effort to remove the obstruction, it cannot be eliminated
with satisfaction to both bride and groom. If, however, careful and
well-executed efforts fail to remove it, the services of a surgeon
should be procured, and he, by a very simple and almost painless
operation, can remove the difficulty. But never, _no never_, should
it be brutally torn away by the force of the husband, and without the
full willingness of the wife. _Mark this well_. As a matter of fact,
the wise and practical thing for every bride to do, would be to go to
a surgeon a few days before her wedding, and have him remove the hymen
for her. Such operation is nearly painless, and is very easily done.
Still, to do this might raise a doubt of virginity on the part of the
husband and so this is a point to be careful about!
The act of removing the hymen is often spoken of as "defloration"--the
tearing to pieces of a flower. The term is not fortunate. Nothing
worth while has been taken away by removing the hymen, but much that
is useful has been acquired. An organ that has outlived whatever
usefulness it might once have had has been removed, and its going
has made possible new and beautiful uses in life. If this has been
accomplished by the mutual desire and effort of the bride and groom,
it is a cause for joy and not of sorrow; of delight and not of
mourning. As well weep over the removal of the vermiform appendix as
for the destruction of the hymen.
With this obstacle rightly overcome, the second act of coitus offers
no situation that calls for further remark or explanation.
And now a few words about the probabilities of conception resulting
from coitus, and some matters which are very closely related thereto.
In the first place, every healthy and fairly-well-provided-for husband
and wife should desire to have children, and should act in accordance
with such wish. This is not only in harmony with the primary purpose
of sex in the human family, but it is a response to a natural demand
of the human soul, in both man and woman. As Bernard Shaw makes Jack
Tanner say: "There is a father-heart as well as a mother-heart" and
_parenthood is the supreme desire of all normal and wholesome-minded
men and women._ It is not an "instinct," but something far above that
quality.
Parenthood among mere animals is the result of instinct, and of that
alone, but not so in the human race. Human beings naturally desire to
make a home for themselves, and a home, in the fullest meaning of that
word, means _children_ and a "family circle." This is something that
animals know nothing about. Animal mothers forget and ignore their
progeny as soon as they are weaned; and animal fathers will, in many
cases, kill them as soon as they are born, if they get a chance to
do so. These facts prove that parenthood, in the human family, is
something much more than in the rest of the animal kingdom. Indeed,
the whole matter of comparing this quality, as it exists in humanity,
with that of animals merely, is only a continuance of the similar
abomination of comparing the sex functions of these two forms of life.
In the real essentials of existence, they are in no way comparable;
and to make such is not only folly, but approaches the positively
criminal. The results of doing so certainly lead to crime.
Fundamentally, then, nearly all men and women marry with the purpose
and hope of having a family of children. They may not put it that way,
may not even acknowledge it, even to each other or to themselves; but
if married people find that they _cannot_ produce, it is a source of
unspeakable regret to them both. In such cases, the inherent desire
for parenthood will "cry aloud and spare not." A "barren" woman
greatly mourns her inability, and will shed bitter tears over the
fact, if she be truly human; and an "impotent" man will be practically
despised by all who are aware of his incompetence.
And yet, though all normal men and women desire to have children,
it is only right that they should desire to have them _as they want
them_, and _when_ they want them, and not _whenever they may happen
to come!_ That is, sensible and thoughtful people, who plan definitely
for the future, want to make the coming of children to them an affair
of _deliberate_ arrangement, and not of _chance_.
This is not only as it should be, but is really the only right way
that children should be begotten and born. Which statement calls for
a few special words on the right of parents to regulate the production
of progeny.
There is much talk, in some quarters, about "race suicide," and
the wickedness of deliberately limiting the number of children in a
family. Such talking and writing arouse anxious questionings in the
minds of conscientious young married men and women who are desiring to
do the right thing in the premises, but are uncertain as to what the
right thing is, and for such are the following words:
Many years ago, an English philosopher and statesman, Malthus by name,
discovered and announced the fact that the rate of natural increase
in the human race was several times greater than that of the possible
rate of production of food supply for their support. Scientifically
phrased, his statement was that "the rate of increase in humanity
is in geometrical ratio, while the rate of increase of possible food
supply is in arithmetical ratio." And from this basis, he reasoned
that, unless the surplus of human production was in some way cut off
and destroyed, the whole human race would ultimately demand more food
supply than could possibly be produced; and so, in due course of time,
the whole race would perish from starvation!
Then he proceeded to reason that the purpose of disease, plague,
pestilence, famine, poverty and warfare was to cut off and destroy
the _surplus_ of humanity, and hence all these alleged evils were
in reality blessings in disguise, and that _it would be wrong to
interfere_ with their really beneficent workings! Volumes could be
written, and they could not tell the half of the misery and evil that
the promulgation of this doctrine has done for the civilized world,
but there is no space here for giving any such details; nor need this
be done, though the statement of the doctrine had to be made to make
ready for what is to follow.
Now, is it not far more reasonable to suppose that, _since the
possibility of determining the number of off-spring a husband and wife
may produce has been given them_; that since such result can be, for
them, made a matter of _choice_, of an _exercise of the will_, and
not of _blind instinct_--under these circumstances, all of which
undoubtedly exist, is it not far more reasonable to believe that it is
the _purpose of the Creator_ that the limiting of the number of human
beings in the world should be brought about by _curbing the birth
rate_, rather than by _killing the surplus_ after they are born!
There can be but one answer made to this question, by any intelligent
man or woman.
These facts, then, establish the _rightfulness of determining the
number and size of a family by every husband and wife_. But this does
not mean that they are to entirely refrain from cohabiting, in order
to keep from having children! This phase of the argument has already
been gone over and disposed of. But it _does_ mean that husbands and
wives have a right to use such rightful means for the limiting of the
number of offspring as are conducive to the interests of all parties
concerned--themselves, their circumstances, the born or unborn
children, the state, the nation. Let the bride and groom be well
convinced and established in their own minds on these points, as
early in their relation as possible. They should be so from the very
outset--_must_ be so, to reach the best results.
The issue then presents itself: How can such deliberate and wilful
determination of the number of children a husband and wife may have,
be brought about?
And the answer is, that _it can never be accomplished by careless and
hap-hazard cohabiting!_ On the contrary, it can only be compassed by
the most _careful_ and _watchful_ processes of engaging in coitus, and
by a _full knowledge_ of physiological facts, and by acting, _always_,
in accordance with the same. It is no road for careless travel, but it
is a way worth going in, for all that.
On this point, let it be said that all sane and intelligent men and
women agree that anything even approaching _infanticide_ is nothing
short of a crime, and that abortion, except for the purpose of saving
the life of the mother, is practically murder.
But, while this is all true, to prevent the contact of two germs
which, if permitted to unite, would be liable to result in a living
human form, is _quite another affair_.
It is only this aspect of the situation which will be considered in
what follows.
Now, as has already been shown, the essentials for conception consist
of having the ovum present in the womb, and its meeting the semen
there. The corollary of this is, that whenever these coincidences take
place, there is a _possibility_ for conception.
But in all _normal_ cases, the ovum only passes into the womb once in
every twenty-eight days; and, as a rule, it only remains in the womb
for about half that period of time, that is, for about 14 or 15 days
in each month. And so, since the menstrual flow ceases after about
five days from its beginning, in about ten days _after_ its stopping,
the ovum will have passed out of the womb, and hence that organ
contains nothing that is impregnable. Under these conditions, semen
may be deposited in the womb, without danger of impregnation. This is
a simple proposition, and easy to understand if once known.
However, it must be said that these _generally_ common conditions _do
not always obtain_--that is, they are _not_ true in the case of _all_
women. There are women who will conceive at _any_ time in the month,
if they are given a chance to do so. The physiological reason for such
possibility is said to be this: There are always ova in the ovaries,
in varying stages of development. Ordinarily, only once a month do any
of these pass down into the womb; but, in exceptional cases, sometimes
these ova are so partially held in the ovaries that, under the
excitement of coitus, and because all these parts dilate so much
during the act, an ovum may slip its moorings, under such conditions,
pass down into the uterus at an untimely season, meet the semen there,
and pregnancy result. Such are the facts _in some cases_.
How, then, can a husband and wife tell how it is, or will be, in
_their_ particular case?
The answer is that they can only tell by trying, and that should be
done as follows:
The _first_ sexual meeting of the bride and groom should _never_ take
place until at least _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow
in the bride! This is a rule that should never be violated_ if the
parties wish to "_test out_" the real condition as to whether or not
the bride has any "free time." The chances are several to one that she
_has_ such leeway; but the fact can only be established by "proving
up" and this can _never_ be done if any _chances_ are taken. Put this
down as rule number one.
For this reason, it is well for the bride to fix the wedding day; and,
if possible, for her to locate it sometime during the probably immune
period. And the nearer she can bring this day to the _beginning_ of
such period of freedom from danger of pregnancy, the better. For, if
it should happen that the first coitus should take place only a
_day or two before_ the time when another "monthly" was due, such
excitement might hasten the passage of the nearly-ripe ovum into the
uterus, and conception might occur. In which case, "all the fat would
be in the fire," nothing would be proved, and the parties would be as
ignorant as ever regarding the facts in _their_ case.
And so, the _first_ sexual meeting of a bride and bridegroom should be
not _earlier_ than _ten days after the ceasing of the menstrual flow
and not later than three days before the next monthly is due. Put
that_ _down as rule number two, never to be violated._
And if marriage takes place before this period of probable immunity
on the part of the bride arrives, the only safe thing to do is to
"patiently wait" till such time arrives. This may "require fortitude"
on the part of both parties, but it is the only safe thing to do. And
to do just that, will amply repay such waiting. The writer knows of a
case where the wedding took place just three days before the bride's
next monthly was due, and she and her husband waited for more than
_two weeks_ before they met sexually! But it paid to wait, for their
doing so proved that the bride had _two weeks_ of "_free time_" in
_each month, and this was worth all it cost to find out! Take time!_
And now let it be added that it is a great accomplishment for a
husband and wife to be free from a fear of pregnancy as a result of
coitus. This is a thousand times truer for the woman than for the man,
for it is she who has to bear the burden of what follows, if following
there be. The husband can "do the deed" and go about his business. The
wife, if "the fertile seed" takes root, has before her months of care
and anxiety, and she risks her very life in what may come of it all.
For these reasons, she has a _right to dictate all the terms_ which
are liable to cause her to become a mother. _And yet she should
do this with full regard for the husband, in love, in true
wifely-womanhood._ On this point, do not fail to read "The Helpmate,"
by May Sinclair. It is a story that no bride and bridegroom should
fail to read and study, carefully.
The whole subject of how to engage in satisfactory coitus and avoid
pregnancy may be summed up as follows:--The attainment of such
a condition is well worth the most careful, earnest and honestly
pains-taking endeavor. For, if such status be not reached, its lack
will be a source of endless contentions and differences between the
husband and wife. It will lead to jealousies, quarrels, and all sorts
of marital woes. But, the situation once mastered, by the most loving
and accurate of scientific methods of procedure, a happy married life
is certain to result. Otherwise, the "married state" will always be
in a condition of "unstable equilibrium." So let every bride and
bridegroom begin, _from the first_, to try to establish the greatly to
be desired accomplishment. If anything further on this point should be
desired, consult a reliable physician.
VIII
THE ART OF LOVE
And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art is
long!" _And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the most
difficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!_
It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent
occurrence, that the sex organs of husband and wife are _not well
matched_; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature,
results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treated
sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficulty
can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned.
In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that the
penis of the husband is too long for the vagina of the wife. This is
very apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with a
small mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling," large
mouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be taken
into account before marriage, and which should figure in determining
whether the parties are "suited" to each other. They _would_ be
regarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they most
surely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence"
get in their work, and make trouble in married life!
In such a case as this, the too-long penis, when fully inserted in the
too-short vagina, and especially when, at the orgasm, the two organs
are crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both parties
demands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the penis
is driven against the rear walls of the vagina, often furiously, thus
stretching and straining the vaginal passage longitudinally, pressing
against the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pushing it out
of place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence
causing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results.
Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wife
should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in the
_second_ part of the act, the first putting together of the organs.
This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will
"fit," and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to be
perfect!
But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the nature
just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means are
used.
(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relative
size of the sex organs can never be fully judged of by the size of the
body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally large
and long penis, and many a little woman has a large vulva and a long
vagina; and the reverse of all this is true, in the case of many men
and women. These items in the count are among the things that can
never be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not
possible, as things are now.)
And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it can
be provided for, in most cases as follows:
Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already been
described--the woman on her back and the man over and above her--let
_this_ be done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on his
left side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawn
up so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and
the knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right
side, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in
the angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that _his
left leg_ supports _her hips_, by being under them; put her right leg
between his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her right
arm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his body
under his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waist
from below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, as
he may choose. Now in _this_ position, the man's hips make a sort of
saddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the
greatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by
the bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain
the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he over
and above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, and
with the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, and
thus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment's
consideration will disclose the fact that this position has many
points in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman,
in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on her
right side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her
husband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him
easily supports them both.
Now, in this position, the sex organs are brought closely together and
their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is _now_ the _woman_,
and not the _man_ who has _full control_ of such meeting, and so can
regulate it to _her liking_, or _needs_. Her hips are perfectly free
to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so _she can determine
just how much or how little of his penis shall enter her vagina!_ And
if his penis is too long for her, she can accommodate her action to
such fact!
As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if not
greater than it would be were he in the other position. The ease
afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear of
hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is of
real value, and which will make for his delectation as much as for
that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easily
performed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, the
organs can be crowded together passionately, and still without hurting
the woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips that
the pelvic bone, the _mons veneris_, as it is technically called, will
receive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which
is thus made by the relative positions of the vagina and the penis
will keep the latter from penetrating the vagina too far, and so
will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. The
orgasm is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is just
as _natural_ as the other position, and has only to be tried to be
proved worthy.
And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract
themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that we
have begun.)
A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of the
_difference of time_ that it takes for the husband and wife to come to
the climax, the orgasm. As has already been noted, the highest delight
in the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactly
the same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easy
in all cases, and hence what follows:
As a rule, women are slower in reaching the orgasm than are men. This
is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are so
passionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands'
once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularly
experience the orgasm four or five times to her husband's once. She is
a lovely wife and a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or
"worldly minded." The situation is that her sex organs are exceedingly
sensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed"
differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are
"timed" slower than men.
Again, after a man has passed the orgasm it is, in most cases,
impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and
bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from the
fact that, with the expulsion of the semen, usually detumescence of
the penis at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of exciting
the woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off"
_first_, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climax
at that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her sex organs
congested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme.
On the other hand, if the wife comes to the orgasm first, her vulva
and vagina detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is
perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come to
the climax, even if his partner has already "spent."
Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is
"keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite often
the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one in
which the _husband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little or_
NONE--_a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially for
the wife._ The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived
together to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never once
experienced an orgasm, though the husband cohabited with her several
times a month, during the most of their married life. There was no
good reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was
"quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had never
synchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety,
never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wished
for. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people. _They
simply didn't know!_ One was ignorant and the other innocent, and
there you are again!
Now the thing to do, under such circumstances, is for the parties
to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to _prolong the
FIRST part_ of the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, but
is even _ahead_ of her husband in the state of her passion. To bring
about this condition, _the husband should use every means to stimulate
his wife's sex-nature and increase her desire for coition._ Here are
some things he can do, which will tend to produce such results:
A woman's breasts are directly connected with all her reproductive
nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is to
directly excite all of her sex organs. The lips and tongue are also
thus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if the
husband will "play" with his wife's breasts, especially with her
nipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, with
his lips and tongue--at the same time, if he will stroke her vulva
with his fingers, especially the clitoris, _and if she will encourage
him to do this_, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it about
as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, her
husband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, she
will spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the vulva to its utmost,
and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she
has a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's penis with
it and "play" with it as her lover plays with her vulva--if they will
do this, the cases are rare in which passion will not grow in the wife
to almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting," the parts will
all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and,
in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. This
part of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entire
performance.
If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearing
on the part of the wife, so that the vulva is dry as the husband
strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To do
this, let him moisten his _fingers_ from his mouth, and transfer this
to the vulva, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening the
vulva with saliva may be repeated _several_ times, _if necessary_,
always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves
renders any further moistening needless. _The stroking of the dry
vulva will do little toward the arousing of passion, or producing the
pre-coital flow_. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed,
both these desired results will follow, except in _very_ rare cases.
And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus moistening the
vulva with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It is neither. On the
contrary, it is nature's way of helping to perfection an act which,
but for such timely assistance, might never be brought to a successful
issue. As has already been noted, chemically, saliva and the
pre-coital fluid are almost identical. They are both a natural
secretion of a mucous membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native
purpose is lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is
as natural an application to the lips of the vulva as it is to the
interior of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of
applying saliva to the genitals before coition is very general,
so much so that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is
mentioned here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the
sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more to
be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, such as
moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's fingers
after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth might be
condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite universally practiced,
and it is neither unwholesome nor unsanitary.
It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet oil
or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts before
engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be recommended. Oil
is not a natural product of the parts to which it is applied, it is
chemically unlike their secretions, and to smear the delicate organs
with a fluid that is foreign to their nature, is unwise, unsanitary,
not to say filthy. It is like greasing the mouth to make food slip
down easily. And it is easy to understand how such application of
an unguent to the mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of
sensation, and greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of
the oral cavity.
So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the vulva and
the vagina for the reception of their natural mate.
And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower
timed than her husband, her passion can be greatly increased by the
manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily carried
to such length--the lips and tongue playing with the nipple, and the
finger-stroking of the vulva--that the woman could be brought to
an orgasm without the union of the organs at all! This is a form of
masturbation (this word has a bad meaning attached to it, but it is a
good word, as will shortly be shown, and it has its legitimate uses;
but, as a preparation for coition, it should not be carried any
further than is essential for bringing the laggard passion of the
woman up to an equal tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or
months', practice will enable a wife to determine just how much
of this form of "courting" will bring her to the desired point of
excitement; and, when this point is reached, she should invite her
husband to "come up over," if the first position is to be adopted for
the rest of the act; or, she should throw herself into her lover's
arms, if the second position is used.
Just a little more--If, after getting into one position or the other,
it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly abreast of her husband
in the intensity of her passion, let her _still further_ seek to
advance it, as follows:
If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, after he
has gotten into place and before the organs are united, have his wife
take his penis in her hand, and, as he moves his hips up and down,
stroke her vulva, especially the clitoris, with the glans penis--not
entering the vagina at once, but continuing this form of _exterior_
contact of the organs, for a longer or shorter time--slipping past the
wide open vaginal mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and,
as it were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of
distraction--till, finally, she will "take no for an answer" no
longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the penis into the vagina, and
thus consummate their union.
If she be far enough abandoned with her passion, such entrance may be
made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But if the vulva
and vagina are not yet fully dilated, the entrance should be carefully
made, gently made, as she can bear it, as _she_ wishes it to be.
Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the external
stroking of the organs may be continued to the very verge of the
orgasm, so that, especially if the entrance can be made, as it were,
in a frenzy of passionate delight, the organs coming into full length
union at a single impulse, or rushing together--then the simultaneous
climax _may_ be reached with one or two in-and-out motions--or,
perhaps the single master-plunge may win the goal instanter! If so, a
consummation devoutly to be wished has been successfully reached!
Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play for
"getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend and
protract what might be called the time of his possible _retention_,
if he can keep the foreskin over the glans penis. Some men cannot do
this. If they have been circumcised, of course they cannot! But if the
glans penis can be covered with the foreskin during all this playing
together, it will enable the husband to prolong his "retentional
time" far beyond what he otherwise could. Some men have the power of
"retaining" to almost any length of time by the exercise of their will
power, and so they can _wait_ for their wives. If the wife is slower
timed than the husband, he should _carefully cultivate the "art of
retaining"_ and so wait for her. _To do this successfully will greatly
increase married happiness_.
This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with equal force
to the possibilities of the man's retention after the organs are
united, and all through the third part of the act. If the penis can
enter the vagina with its "natural cap on," the husband can give his
wife the pleasure of many times the amount of in-and-out motion than
he could otherwise bestow upon her. And if the wife is the slower of
the two (as is generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a
favor, and will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal
motions which she will LAVISH upon her _considerate_ lover.
This is an item of almost supreme importance--this "keeping the
cap on" the penis, during the act, _if the wife is slower than the
husband_--if they need to have a care, to insure their "getting off
together."
And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that Mother
Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both the husband
and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if the husband will
be careful to have the glans penis covered with the foreskin (and, of
course, this can _never_ be, if the organs are united when the vulva
and vagina are dry) when it enters the vagina, and will so engage in
the in-and-out motion that it will _stay covered_ as the _third_ act
progresses--if this is done, when the climax comes, if the two
"spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were, clasp
the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the supreme
instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct and blissful
contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! This is a most
wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, and enjoy it to its
utmost, is the maximum of human delight!
Again, if after the organs are well together, in the man-superior
position, and the in-and-out motion has begun, it should be found
that the wife is still behind in the game, she can gain greatly in
"catching up" if she is permitted to _originate_ the larger part of
the motion. To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body
quite well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move
her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband will, in
large measure, "hold still," and keep his penis in such position that
it presses against the _upper part_ of the vulva, that is against the
clitoris, (as the phrase goes, if he will "ride high") and then permit
his _wife_ to make "long strokes," sliding the organs together for
their full possible length, with the clitoris in constant contact with
the penis, during the whole of each stroke--all of this will greatly
and rapidly increase her passions and bring her to the climax.
Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to their
fullest possible limit, so that the base of the penis presses firmly
against the Mons Veneris, and the clitoris and labiae almost clasp
their mate; and then, in this position, if the husband will maintain
the _status quo_, while she lifts her hips hard against his, and
_swings them about_, in a sort of circular motion "round and round,"
as it were--this will also greatly increase her passion, and soon
bring her to the climax.
In both these last described ways of courting, the husband should be
_extra careful not_ to permit the weight of his body to press down
heavily upon his wife. He should _wholly_ sustain himself on his
elbows and knees, and permit her to lift herself, at least her hips,
by the help of her arms around his waist. This is no hardship for the
husband, if he be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his
strength for but to delight his sweetheart? _A true, devoted, virile
and manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To delight
her, is to doubly delight himself_. This is another point of which
mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all their nature which
responds to the like of this, in any way. The whole experience is
_human_; it is productive of a joy, of a _spiritual elevation_, which
mere animality knows nothing of--can know nothing of.
Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through all
these actions, a line of _complete mutualness must run_! The husband
may _seem_ to be specially accommodating himself, and all he does, to
his wife's whims or necessities; but, even so, this will be more of
a delight to _him_ than it is to _her_, viewed from the _spiritual
plane_, on the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to
receive"--and no truer words than these were ever spoken--while,
at the same time, the wife, though _seeming_ only to be gratifying
herself, to be reaching after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter
of fact, by her very so doing--and the more perfectly, completely, she
does this, the better--she is gratifying and delighting her husband to
the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, the lovers will
learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, each knowing just when
the other is fully ready, by a sort of _spiritual consciousness_, as
it were, and so a perfect climax can be reached.
Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS; _Let the
husband keep his head, and_ THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE HERS, throwing it
to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the whirlwind of her passion;
feeling free, delighting, to let it go, go, go, no one cares where!
Do these things, and married life will be glorious! Of such is the
kingdom of heaven, for the truly wedded lovers!
This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and
materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be _life
immeasurable_. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to tell the
greatest truths!
So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, when the
wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt this method,
and the accompanying means for "getting together." Now, if the other
position is taken, that of the wife semi-superior, in the husband's
arms, as he lies partly on his back and partly on his left side, etc.,
here are a few points to be noted to advantage.
Still assuming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, it is
entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has gotten into
position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the union of the
organs. The very time that it takes for her to get into position, the
changing of the position of her body, from her back to her right side;
the temporary cessation of the stroking of the vulva by her husbands's
[sic] fingers; all these things will have a tendency to retard her
passion, for the time being, and all this loss ought to be made good,
if not added to, before the _second_ part of the act is entered upon.
And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought about, as
follows:--
Lying in each other's arms, in this _second_ described position, the
organs naturally _come_ into contact in such a way as to make the
further excitation of the vulva and clitoris most natural and easy.
The spreading of the wife's hips, caused by her throwing her left leg
over her husband's right and drawing up of her left knee, opens the
vulva wide; and, at the same time, the penis, from the very nature
of its position, will lie at full length in the opening, thus
exposed--not entering the vagina, but remaining "without the gate" as
yet.
By this time the vulva will have become enlarged and elongated, the
lips full and the clitoris erect, all in a state of tumescence, and
all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the lips so distended that,
when thus parted, they form the sides of a labial canal, as it were (a
delectable, and most delicately smooth-walled channel). Now, in this
extended condition, which is fully as long as the penis, from end
to end of its pathway of dalliance, every part covered with the most
delicately sensitive nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy
of keenness to the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's
strolling way,"--if the penis, as it were, stands up full and strong,
in such fashion that it touches the vulva at every point, both inner
and outer labiae, the clitoris and all, for a space of five or six
inches in length; while the protruded and well-moistened lips of the
vulva as it were reach out, and clasp themselves at least half way
around their suitor, laving him with their luscious kisses--in this
position, the wife being partly above, and so, perfectly free to move
her "love way" as she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full
six or more inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the
penis as she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held
firmly in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans penis
throbbing lustily against the clitoris when the two meet at the
extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just then,
to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the penis slipping past the
now wide open vaginal mouth, which reaches out at every down stroke to
engulf it--dallying, delaying, coquetting, tantalizing, both man and
woman; playing the game in almost a swoon of ecstatic delight--under
such conditions the wife's passion will rush to its fullest
development, till, when she will, she can drop her vagina upon the
penis in such a way that the _two will be made one_, in absolute
perfection, on a single move, and from this to the finish it is but a
few motions distant.
In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of "going off
together" is unsurpassed.
Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the best for
the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all positions,
the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not quite "up to
grade," she can enjoy an embrace of this sort without fatigue, even
to the full. For the organs can be united in this position quite
perfectly, though the penis will not penetrate the vagina to as great
a length as in the other position. Still, the climax can be perfectly
reached in this way, and it is one of the best ways to make sure of
perfect "timing," of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in
its favor.
If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the vagina of the wife being
too short for her husband's penis, this is a most excellent way for
meeting and overcoming that difficulty.
This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:--It might seem
to the reader that the different "strokings" of the vulva, with the
fingers, or the penis, all the contact being outside the vagina, that
all of these methods of excitation smack of masturbation, and so are
of doubtful rightness. In reply to which, note the following:
The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been shown
to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is the
exercise of functions that belong _only to mankind_, and hence is
not amenable to _any_ merely _animal_ laws or restrictions! It is the
source of numberless human joys, and _any_ method of engaging in
the act of mutual delight, that is, of _mutually happifying_, is
legitimate and _altogether right_. And so, if the parties choose to
increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse
and intensify his wife's passion by stroking her vulva with his
saliva-moistened fingers, and _she wishes him to do so_, such act is
as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-be
_only_ way of its exercise. Let this never be doubted.
The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means of the
hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has received
a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no way
deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened to
such acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned far
beyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file are
wholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation from
the point of view which insists that _all_ the sex functions should be
under the control of the _will_, then light is thrown upon the
entire subject. Seen in this way, _any_ form of sex stimulation, or
auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means _self_ sex-excitation) which is
NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is _right_ and _wholesome_! But we have been
taught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us to
realize that it is true. _But it is_!
Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arrive
at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her to
an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be _perfectly
right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way_.
Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would have
been could she have met him simultaneously, but it is _far better than
for her not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman_ SUFFERS ALL NIGHT
LONG _with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent,
because she has been left_ UNSATISFIED _by a husband who has spent
before she was ready_, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might be
_entirely relieved_, if the parties _knew the truth_, and were not too
_ignorant_, or _prejudiced_, or _ashamed_ to do what should be done to
make the best of a situation.
Of course, no husband should make a _practice_ of gratifying himself
fully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Such
a practice would be _selfish_ and _wrong_. But as an _emergency_ way
of escape, the method is to be commended.
Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has the
advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the insertion of
the penis into the vagina, _after_ his wife has spent, if she
arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distended
condition permits such action on his part, for some time after she has
passed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his penis
shrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition it
cannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to an
orgasm.
Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet her
husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness,
or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help the
situation wonderfully if _she_ would take _his_ penis in _her_ hand
and "play with it" till he _spent_. He would love her for it, kiss her
for it, give her his soul for it!
_If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to the
delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by external excitation
of the organs with their hands a few times before they united the
organs at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This is
especially true for the bride_. If her lover would take her in his
arms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in their
bridal chamber, alone, and stroke her vulva till she "_spent,_" the
chances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such a
joy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method
is _infinitely superior_ to _raping_ a bride, as is so frequently
done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon his
_rights_!"
Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her own
sex possibilities that she had never experienced an orgasm--had never
"spent"--could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could be
instructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism,
bringing herself to an orgasm with her own hand, _just for the sake
of the experience it would give her, and so that she would have some
clear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the arms
of her lover--if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, it
would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition to
her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latent
within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be as
nothing compared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience.
When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, and
that knowledge takes its place!_
As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he will
be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, since all
healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if not
otherwise!
Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be
practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when
sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when
_carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The only
danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means
for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is
quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of
course, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad._ On the
contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.
There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows,
who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of
auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to
be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally
satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving
thoughts of the absent one the while.
There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a
matter of fact, all boys masturbate, and many girls also. Some
authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form
of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is
probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act
to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may
make the act a means of great good to themselves. _The sex organs are
alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as
all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their
nature requires they should be._ If this cannot be accomplished as
the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best
thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all
things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or
masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor
is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be
self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus.
IX
COITUS RESERVATUS
This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on the
part of the husband and wife, as follows:--
It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to
continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, mere
physical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_
delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can
be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known,
in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus,"_ which, translated,
means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it to
its climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is
now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and
second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and
stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor
wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most
happily married people have proved.
Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the
first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one
continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more. It
is almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its
perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of
mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_.
To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should be
made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as has
already been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The orgasm
is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful
expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing
kiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. They_
kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting," par
excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any
kind.
In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chatting
with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a
thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's
right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his
wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe.
As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the
world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should be
a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs
quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they
are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife
come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and
the organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _let
them stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third part
of the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the
embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy!
This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers
learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few
minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get
tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep.
Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully
learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sex
organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the
penis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, while
the vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experience
is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the
husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual
benefit.
This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly
used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but
it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, most
perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should
"get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the
climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the
act only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due time
be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving
art will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month or
so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often
as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they
elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if,
on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little
court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a
most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and
most people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_!
To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of
the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is of
great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If,
during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need
of sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way
that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for
the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her
husband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him
to meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship!
Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time
the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her
lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love direct
the way here, and all will be well_.
And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produce
effects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced in
any other way. Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand for
a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be
effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his
wife take his penis in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and the
flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether
the penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's
limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ
remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same
is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's
vulva. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be
secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin.
This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it
is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_
masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy
a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far
better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone.
This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts of
husband and wife.
As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire prompts
or suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this,
let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_
Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus
be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _both
parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of the
physical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere.
We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food.
The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise. _Satisfy the calls of
nature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY!
_Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best
judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_.
And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the
other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and
greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives.
Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of
their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for
sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much
faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man
must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws
on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there
is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so
she can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not have
her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends,
the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched
people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust
themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best
welfare, each of the other.
There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in a
single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit
with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an
abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who
would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for
seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was
also abnormal.
Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very
common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for
each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of
common sense and true temperance.
There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by
temperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their acts
of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice
a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their
vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every
case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they
"see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely
debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after
engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two
afterwards.
Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo
similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should
be taken never to reach the point of excess.
It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this
regard, especially so if the difference between the two is of a
pronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and
virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any
considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises,
the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party
accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of
the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to
strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _the
chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow
more and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weaker
one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and
only the best results trill come of it all_.
Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is,
they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Many
physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _who
are reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engage
in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach
the orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom
secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or
their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers,
and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be
regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.
It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as
thus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married life
wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this
regard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives are
not properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT
IS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabits
like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own
_lust_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair
chance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyond
telling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on the
part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mental
attitude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO
BOTH.
But if almost any woman will get the _right mental attitude_ toward
sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these
pages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is
_really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against"
such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down, _in a proper
mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of
it_.
On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his
ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one
that he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may be
a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in the
full meaning of that word.
On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, or
position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything but
love_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deserves
to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may
be a "good woman," but she can never be a good _wife_.
The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organs
can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned.
And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends on
the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of the
individual during the years of active life will persist, even to
old age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is no
function of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, and
ever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treated
rightly.
And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, _if denied
all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detriment
of the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual_. The body will
become "dried up," the sex organs shriveled, and a corresponding
shrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, is
very apt to follow.
On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprive
the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in his
comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescence
entirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or from
too frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunate
conditions are liable to arise. However, for reasons that have already
been stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced
amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise
without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should so
indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wear
the life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can an
abnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife.
But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared for
during the years of active life, neither too much restrained or too
profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs will
remain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers and
sensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leads
to a conclusion, as follows:--
This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning,
even to old age, is the _supreme_ proof of the fact that sex, in the
human family, _serves a purpose other than reproduction_!
For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the
"turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is between
forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves only
to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing the
probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is the _sole_ purpose
of desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure, _ought to
cease_ at that period of feminine life. _But this is by no means the
case_! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually, and has neither abused
her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman,
she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score and
ten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engage
in the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is well
courted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are still
hers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is true
of her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abused
himself or been abused.
This is a reward of virtue, for old lovers, that pays a big premium on
righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, _it is a proof,
beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is something
more than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love,
and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband and
wife, in their early married life_.
X
CLEANLINESS
It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many experiences of
husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, that both parties
should take great pains to keep their bodies, all parts of them,
always sweet and clean. Strange as it may seem, many wives are
exceedingly careless in this respect! It is a matter of common report
among men, that harlots take more pains to make and keep their bodies,
and especially their genitals, clean and attractive, than many wives
do! Surely, this ought not to be so, and yet it often is.
And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that springs from
the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or the husband feels
that there is no longer any need of wooing each other. All of which
leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep her whole body so sweet
and clean that her husband can kiss her from top to toe, if he wants
to--and the chances are that he will want to, if she so keeps herself!
In the one case, such a caress is a bit of heaven to a husband, in the
other it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight.
And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married life
has come!
The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water before
retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the morning, after
urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts before union takes
place. Let her be _ever_ mindful to keep her "love cup" worthy to meet
its lover.
And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body sweet and
clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with soap and water,
at least once every day, drawing the foreskin back so as to fully
cleanse the indenture above the gland, which secretes a substance that
very soon emits an offensive odor unless removed. Both parties should
keep their arm pits so that they will not be "smelly," and the feet
should likewise be kept inodorous.
One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is that it
spoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife, whereas it
should be most attractive. In a word, both the husband and wife
cannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and keeping their bodies
mutually attractive. As has already been said, the sole aim of all
the sexual experience of a husband and wife should be to raise
the function more and more _away_ from the plane of _physical_
gratification and elevate it continually towards the realm of _mental_
and _spiritual delight_. This is a mission of sex in the human family
that should be made the most of. It involves the cultivation of the
Art of Love, which is truly the art of arts, par excellence.
The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sex
relations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man, that
_all his actions should be those of a loving gentleman_. This does
not mean effeminacy on his part--he must be virile, bold, strong,
aggressive, positive, _compelling_. And yet, all these manly virtues
must be expressed in terms of _loving and gentle_ ACTS. This is a
paradox, but it is true!
On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for her
to attain a _correct mental and spiritual attitude toward her
own sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their common
expression_. All her training and environment now hinder her from such
achievement; but if she be a true woman, her nature will reveal the
truth to her, and if she will trust to that--do what that prompts her
to do, she will come out all right. It will take time to reach such
results; but if she will persist, she will succeed. Let her come
to the realization of the fact that sex in men and women is _not_
unclean, vulgar, lowdown, sinful; but that it is _clean, pure, lofty_,
GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being of
both the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical, mental
and spiritual noblest and best. Let the wife get this view of
the situation, which is the only true view, and then let her act
accordingly, and she will have attained. A husband and wife who have
reached this _modus vivendi_ have established a heaven on earth.
EDITOR'S NOTE
Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly understood
by the readers of this book. Since it is practically impossible to
conduct exact scientific tests under strict control (the reason for
which can be readily understood) there is much difference of opinion
among physicians and sexologists on this subject.
Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time." Others agree with Dr.
Long that there is a period of "Free Time." Still a third group
take the conservative viewpoint that further proof is necessary. The
publishers offer this explanation as a necessary comment.
XI
PREGNANCY
And now just a few words about having children, and this treatise will
end.
As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are well
enough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished with this
world's goods, ought to have and rear at least two children. The world
needs at least so many, even if all children lived and grew up, to
keep up the constant number of people on the earth. But, far more than
this, the husband and wife need children _to make a home complete, and
a complete home is the supreme attainment of human life!_
This does not mean that people should not marry unless they can have
children; there are many women who should never even try to become
mothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual joys for this
reason. On the contrary, it is for their best good, in most cases,
that they should marry and so live normal sex lives, in all respects
except parenthood.
But, for the most part, husbands and wives _can_ have children, if
they so desire, _and they_ SHOULD _so desire_.
And, so desiring, the question is, How can they best fulfil such
desire?
As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known about
the begetting of children, and the securing of the best results from
such action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet, for the most
part, unknown. But common sense would seem to indicate a few things
that must be best in the premises.
Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and wife
should be in good physical condition when a child is begotten. More
than this, it would seem right that the act of begetting should be a
_deliberate_, and not a mere _chance_ begetting. Hence, in general,
it is well for the husband and wife to _agree_ upon a time for the
begetting of a child, and _deliberately accomplish a sex-meeting
for such purpose_. Although, one instinctively feels that such a
deliberate meeting might be too matter of fact--too cold and formal,
lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the probabilities
are that even this could be overcome, if kept in mind and "provided
for."
Referring to the things that have already been said, of course an
embrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the most
perfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in an ecstasy
of love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls and bodies into
a perfect oneness--it would seem that from such a meeting the best,
and only the best results could come.
And so if the husband and wife will agree that from a given time
on, they will cease to have a care to prevent conception; and then,
sometime _immediately following the fifth day after the beginning of
the menstrual flow_, they will naturally meet in a _perfect embrace_,
the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible to
secure the highest attainable results from the act of begetting a
child.
As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the _fifth_
and the _tenth_ day after the beginning of the menstrual flow. It is
sometimes best, however, to make the meeting earlier than this, even
before the flow has ceased. Some women will conceive then who cannot
do so at any other time. And so, if a wife should be unable to
conceive between the fifth and the tenth day, as noted, let an earlier
date be tried. If this should fail, consult a reliable physician.
It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children _too long_,
is very apt to result in the sterility of the wife. Many a young wife,
who has really wanted to have children _sometime_, and who would be
greatly grieved if she thought she could _not_ bear a child, has kept
putting it off, and has done this _so often_, and for _so long_, that,
when the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinned
away her day of grace."
Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much later than
two years after marriage. There are, of course, exceptions to this,
but it is a good rule to go by.
_Have your children when you are young_! This is common sense,
it comes out best in the long run, and is the best thing to do,
ninety-nine times in a hundred. Then, you are nearer the age of your
children as they grow up than if you waited till you were in the late
thirties before the children came. If your son or daughter is only
twenty-some years younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them.
If you are forty years old when they are born, you will always be "old
folks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far better
so.
If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife consult
a good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the parties is to
blame--or even otherwise, make the best of the situation, love each
other, and make the most of wedded life with what is left.
Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times better with)
make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the human family, what
married life is for--to make a home. Nearly all that makes a home
is centered around sex. No two normal _men_ can make a home! No two
normal _women_ can make a home! _It takes a man and a woman to make
a home. It takes father, mother and children to make the most perfect
home. Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do your
utmost to reach that goal_!
The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands and
wives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during pregnancy.
On this point authorities differ, though most of them hold against
such practice. The reasons they give for such adverse decision are all
based on the same old infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man is
a mere animal, and so is subject to the laws and practices of mere
animality. This is the worst outrage ever perfected by a false
philosophy, which is heralded as the will of God. Out on it,
altogether!
The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have _mastered the
Art of Love_, so that they _mutually desire each other, and both long
for sex exercise during the gestation period_, it is _perfectly right_
and WISE for them to satisfy their _natural_ COMMON wishes.
Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken not
to press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in this
regard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by the
prospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of an
orgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently against
her husband, and so possible harm might result. Especially if the
husband-superior position is taken during the act, he should be doubly
careful not to permit the weight of his body to rest upon the enlarged
part of the wife's anatomy, not in the least.
Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is, the woman
on her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below hers, so that
there is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen, which is perfectly
free, in this position. In this position, the act may be engaged in,
during pregnancy, as often as mutually desired, to the benefit of both
parties.
Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during the period
of gestation. This is especially the case when the wife is happy in
her condition, when she rejoices with exceeding great joy that she is
on the way to experience the divine crown of wifehood--maternity! When
such a woman desires her husband in love's embrace, it is cruel to
deprive her of her longed-for delight.
Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to remain
so, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she meets
her husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play, thereby
missing the utmost delights of an embrace--but if she be pregnant,
and so has no fear on this score, she can give herself up to utter
abandonment to her impulses.
On this point, the final word is, use _common sense_, in a _spirit of
absolute_ MUTUALITY.
It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a crime,
for a husband to _compel_ his wife to engage in coitus during
pregnancy, against her will. On the other hand, many a wife has first
experienced an orgasm when meeting her husband during pregnancy. The
reason for this is that her fear of becoming pregnant is not then
present--a condition which has before kept her from the climax.
It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and delight
her husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she will relieve
him with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in mutual relief by
this means during pregnancy.
XII
CONCLUSION
In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in opening, that
no apology is offered for what has been written or said herewith. All
has been set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to
be, _in the hope of helping them on towards a divine consummation_.
As a final direction _Master the Art of Love_, which is _the divinest
art in all the world; then study, and do your best to master the
Science of Procreation_. It is these two, the Art of Love and the
Science of Procreation, that, together, make married life a success.
Without these, or, surely, without the first, there can be no such
thing as true marriage. Hence, this is the _first_ to learn, to
master. It is worthy of the most careful study, the most faithful
experiment.
It is right for people who never can have children to marry, and to
share with each other mutual sex delights. It is far better for
a husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to have
children--and a home.
Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of this
sentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if, out of such
love exchanges children are begotten and born, and a perfect home is
established, then married life is worth living. God has joined such
together and nothing can put them asunder.
* * * * *
This volume is not something to be read once, and then put aside and
forgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon, read again and
again, especially by those who have difficulties in married life to
overcome. And for _all_ young married people, it should be a sort
of Guide to Happiness that should be frequently consulted and its
directions "tried out" and followed to the limit.
The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor the wife
can be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself, on the part
of either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow. There can be no
true marriage under such circumstances, because there is no supremacy
in true love, and it is only true love that can make an abiding true
marriage. In true marriage, such as both God and Nature design should
be, there is perfect comradery, equals walking with equals, with the
principle of love and mutual helpfulness shared alike by both. Let
no reader of this book forget these primal facts, or fail to act in
accordance with them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven!
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