The Alchemist
by
Ben Jonson
Part 4 out of 6
FACE. What did he come for?
SUB. About casting dollars,
Presently out of hand. And so I told him,
A Spanish minister came here to spy,
Against the faithful --
FACE. I conceive. Come, Subtle,
Thou art so down upon the least disaster!
How wouldst thou ha' done, if I had not help't thee out?
SUB. I thank thee, Face, for the angry boy, i'faith.
FACE. Who would have look'd it should have been that rascal,
Surly? he had dyed his beard and all. Well, sir.
Here's damask come to make you a suit.
SUB. Where's Drugger?
FACE. He is gone to borrow me a Spanish habit;
I'll be the count, now.
SUB. But where's the widow?
FACE. Within, with my lord's sister; madam Dol
Is entertaining her.
SUB. By your favour, Face,
Now she is honest, I will stand again.
FACE. You will not offer it.
SUB. Why?
FACE. Stand to your word,
Or -- here comes Dol, she knows --
SUB. You are tyrannous still.
[ENTER DOL, HASTILY.]
FACE. Strict for my right. -- How now, Dol!
Hast [thou] told her,
The Spanish count will come?
DOL. Yes; but another is come,
You little look'd for!
FACE. Who's that?
DOL. Your master;
The master of the house.
SUB. How, Dol!
FACE. She lies,
This is some trick. Come, leave your quiblins, Dorothy.
DOL. Look out, and see.
[FACE GOES TO THE WINDOW.]
SUB. Art thou in earnest?
DOL. 'Slight,
Forty of the neighbours are about him, talking.
FACE. 'Tis he, by this good day.
DOL. 'Twill prove ill day
For some on us.
FACE. We are undone, and taken.
DOL. Lost, I'm afraid.
SUB. You said he would not come,
While there died one a week within the liberties.
FACE. No: 'twas within the walls.
SUB. Was't so! cry you mercy.
I thought the liberties. What shall we do now, Face?
FACE. Be silent: not a word, if he call or knock.
I'll into mine old shape again and meet him,
Of Jeremy, the butler. In the mean time,
Do you two pack up all the goods and purchase,
That we can carry in the two trunks. I'll keep him
Off for to-day, if I cannot longer: and then
At night, I'll ship you both away to Ratcliff,
Where we will meet to-morrow, and there we'll share.
Let Mammon's brass and pewter keep the cellar;
We'll have another time for that. But, Dol,
'Prythee go heat a little water quickly;
Subtle must shave me: all my captain's beard
Must off, to make me appear smooth Jeremy.
You'll do it?
SUB. Yes, I'll shave you, as well as I can.
FACE. And not cut my throat, but trim me?
SUB. You shall see, sir.
[EXEUNT.]
ACT 5. SCENE 5.1.
BEFORE LOVEWIT'S DOOR.
ENTER LOVEWIT, WITH SEVERAL OF THE NEIGHBOURS.
LOVE. Has there been such resort, say you?
1 NEI. Daily, sir.
2 NEI. And nightly, too.
3 NEI. Ay, some as brave as lords.
4 NEI. Ladies and gentlewomen.
5 NEI. Citizens' wives.
1 NEI. And knights.
6 NEI. In coaches.
2 NEI. Yes, and oyster women.
1 NEI. Beside other gallants.
3 NEI. Sailors' wives.
4 NEI. Tobacco men.
5 NEI. Another Pimlico!
LOVE. What should my knave advance,
To draw this company? he hung out no banners
Of a strange calf with five legs to be seen,
Or a huge lobster with six claws?
6 NEI. No, sir.
3 NEI. We had gone in then, sir.
LOVE. He has no gift
Of teaching in the nose that e'er I knew of.
You saw no bills set up that promised cure
Of agues, or the tooth-ach?
2 NEI. No such thing, sir!
LOVE. Nor heard a drum struck for baboons or puppets?
5 NEI. Neither, sir.
LOVE. What device should he bring forth now?
I love a teeming wit as I love my nourishment:
'Pray God he have not kept such open house,
That he hath sold my hangings, and my bedding!
I left him nothing else. If he have eat them,
A plague o' the moth, say I! Sure he has got
Some bawdy pictures to call all this ging!
The friar and the nun; or the new motion
Of the knight's courser covering the parson's mare;
Or 't may be, he has the fleas that run at tilt
Upon a table, or some dog to dance.
When saw you him?
1 NEI. Who, sir, Jeremy?
2 NEI. Jeremy butler?
We saw him not this month.
LOVE. How!
4 NEI. Not these five weeks, sir.
6 NEI. These six weeks at the least.
LOVE. You amaze me, neighbours!
5 NEI. Sure, if your worship know not where he is,
He's slipt away.
6 NEI. Pray God, he be not made away.
LOVE. Ha! it's no time to question, then.
[KNOCKS AT THE DOOR.]
6 NEI. About
Some three weeks since, I heard a doleful cry,
As I sat up a mending my wife's stockings.
LOVE. 'Tis strange that none will answer! Didst thou hear
A cry, sayst thou?
6 NEI. Yes, sir, like unto a man
That had been strangled an hour, and could not speak.
2 NEI. I heard it too, just this day three weeks, at two o'clock
Next morning.
LOVE. These be miracles, or you make them so!
A man an hour strangled, and could not speak,
And both you heard him cry?
3 NEI. Yes, downward, sir.
Love, Thou art a wise fellow. Give me thy hand, I pray thee.
What trade art thou on?
3 NEI. A smith, an't please your worship.
LOVE. A smith! then lend me thy help to get this door open.
3 NEI. That I will presently, sir, but fetch my tools --
[EXIT.]
1 NEI. Sir, best to knock again, afore you break it.
LOVE [KNOCKS AGAIN]. I will.
[ENTER FACE, IN HIS BUTLER'S LIVERY.]
FACE. What mean you, sir?
1, 2, 4 NEI. O, here's Jeremy!
FACE. Good sir, come from the door.
LOVE. Why, what's the matter?
FACE. Yet farther, you are too near yet.
LOVE. In the name of wonder,
What means the fellow!
FACE. The house, sir, has been visited.
LOVE. What, with the plague? stand thou then farther.
FACE. No, sir,
I had it not.
LOVE. Who had it then? I left
None else but thee in the house.
FACE. Yes, sir, my fellow,
The cat that kept the buttery, had it on her
A week before I spied it; but I got her
Convey'd away in the night: and so I shut
The house up for a month --
LOVE. How!
FACE. Purposing then, sir,
To have burnt rose-vinegar, treacle, and tar,
And have made it sweet, that you shou'd ne'er have known it;
Because I knew the news would but afflict you, sir.
LOVE. Breathe less, and farther off! Why this is stranger:
The neighbours tell me all here that the doors
Have still been open --
FACE. How, sir!
LOVE. Gallants, men and women,
And of all sorts, tag-rag, been seen to flock here
In threaves, these ten weeks, as to a second Hogsden,
In days of Pimlico and Eye-bright.
FACE. Sir,
Their wisdoms will not say so.
LOVE. To-day they speak
Of coaches and gallants; one in a French hood
Went in, they tell me; and another was seen
In a velvet gown at the window: divers more
Pass in and out.
FACE. They did pass through the doors then,
Or walls, I assure their eye-sights, and their spectacles;
For here, sir, are the keys, and here have been,
In this my pocket, now above twenty days:
And for before, I kept the fort alone there.
But that 'tis yet not deep in the afternoon,
I should believe my neighbours had seen double
Through the black pot, and made these apparitions!
For, on my faith to your worship, for these three weeks
And upwards the door has not been open'd.
LOVE. Strange!
1 NEI. Good faith, I think I saw a coach.
2 NEI. And I too,
I'd have been sworn.
LOVE. Do you but think it now?
And but one coach?
4 NEI. We cannot tell, sir: Jeremy
Is a very honest fellow.
FACE. Did you see me at all?
1 NEI. No; that we are sure on.
2 NEI. I'll be sworn o' that.
LOVE. Fine rogues to have your testimonies built on!
[RE-ENTER THIRD NEIGHBOUR, WITH HIS TOOLS.]
3 NEI. Is Jeremy come!
1 NEI. O yes; you may leave your tools;
We were deceived, he says.
2 NEI. He has had the keys;
And the door has been shut these three weeks.
3 NEI. Like enough.
LOVE. Peace, and get hence, you changelings.
[ENTER SURLY AND MAMMON.]
FACE [ASIDE]. Surly come!
And Mammon made acquainted! they'll tell all.
How shall I beat them off? what shall I do?
Nothing's more wretched than a guilty conscience.
SUR. No, sir, he was a great physician. This,
It was no bawdy-house, but a mere chancel!
You knew the lord and his sister.
MAM. Nay, good Surly. --
SUR. The happy word, BE RICH --
MAM. Play not the tyrant. --
SUR. "Should be to-day pronounced to all your friends."
And where be your andirons now? and your brass pots,
That should have been golden flagons, and great wedges?
MAM. Let me but breathe. What, they have shut their doors,
Methinks!
SUR. Ay, now 'tis holiday with them.
MAM. Rogues,
[HE AND SURLY KNOCK.]
Cozeners, impostors, bawds!
FACE. What mean you, sir?
MAM. To enter if we can.
FACE. Another man's house!
Here is the owner, sir: turn you to him,
And speak your business.
MAM. Are you, sir, the owner?
LOVE. Yes, sir.
MAM. And are those knaves within your cheaters!
LOVE. What knaves, what cheaters?
MAM. Subtle and his Lungs.
FACE. The gentleman is distracted, sir! No lungs,
Nor lights have been seen here these three weeks, sir,
Within these doors, upon my word.
SUR. Your word,
Groom arrogant!
FACE. Yes, sir, I am the housekeeper,
And know the keys have not been out of my hands.
SUR. This is a new Face.
FACE. You do mistake the house, sir:
What sign was't at?
SUR. You rascal! this is one
Of the confederacy. Come, let's get officers,
And force the door.
LOVE. 'Pray you stay, gentlemen.
SUR. No, sir, we'll come with warrant.
MAM. Ay, and then
We shall have your doors open.
[EXEUNT MAM. AND SUR.]
LOVE. What means this?
FACE. I cannot tell, sir.
I NEI. These are two of the gallants
That we do think we saw.
FACE. Two of the fools!
Your talk as idly as they. Good faith, sir,
I think the moon has crazed 'em all. --
[ASIDE.]
O me,
[ENTER KASTRIL.]
The angry boy come too! He'll make a noise,
And ne'er away till he have betray'd us all.
KAS [KNOCKING]. What rogues, bawds, slaves,
you'll open the door, anon!
Punk, cockatrice, my suster! By this light
I'll fetch the marshal to you. You are a whore
To keep your castle --
FACE. Who would you speak with, sir?
KAS. The bawdy doctor, and the cozening captain,
And puss my suster.
LOVE. This is something, sure.
FACE. Upon my trust, the doors were never open, sir.
KAS. I have heard all their tricks told me twice over,
By the fat knight and the lean gentleman.
LOVE. Here comes another.
[ENTER ANANIAS AND TRIBULATION.]
FACE. Ananias too!
And his pastor!
TRI [BEATING AT THE DOOR]. The doors are shut against us.
ANA. Come forth, you seed of sulphur, sons of fire!
Your stench it is broke forth; abomination
Is in the house.
KAS. Ay, my suster's there.
ANA. The place,
It is become a cage of unclean birds.
KAS. Yes, I will fetch the scavenger, and the constable.
TRI. You shall do well.
ANA. We'll join to weed them out.
KAS. You will not come then, punk devise, my sister!
ANA. Call her not sister; she's a harlot verily.
KAS. I'll raise the street.
LOVE. Good gentlemen, a word.
ANA. Satan avoid, and hinder not our zeal!
[EXEUNT ANA., TRIB., AND KAST.]
LOVE. The world's turn'd Bethlem.
FACE. These are all broke loose,
Out of St. Katherine's, where they use to keep
The better sort of mad-folks.
1 NEI. All these persons
We saw go in and out here.
2 NEI. Yes, indeed, sir.
3 NEI. These were the parties.
FACE. Peace, you drunkards! Sir,
I wonder at it: please you to give me leave
To touch the door, I'll try an the lock be chang'd.
LOVE. It mazes me!
FACE [GOES TO THE DOOR]. Good faith, sir, I believe
There's no such thing: 'tis all deceptio visus. --
[ASIDE.]
Would I could get him away.
DAP [WITHIN]. Master captain! master doctor!
LOVE. Who's that?
FACE. Our clerk within, that I forgot!
[ASIDE.]
I know not, sir.
DAP [WITHIN]. For God's sake, when will her grace be at leisure?
FACE. Ha!
Illusions, some spirit o' the air --
[ASIDE.]
His gag is melted,
And now he sets out the throat.
DAP [WITHIN]. I am almost stifled --
FACE [ASIDE]. Would you were altogether.
LOVE. 'Tis in the house.
Ha! list.
FACE. Believe it, sir, in the air.
LOVE. Peace, you.
DAP [WITHIN]. Mine aunt's grace does not use me well.
SUB [WITHIN]. You fool,
Peace, you'll mar all.
FACE [SPEAKS THROUGH THE KEYHOLE,
WHILE LOVEWIT ADVANCES TO THE DOOR UNOBSERVED].
Or you will else, you rogue.
LOVE. O, is it so? Then you converse with spirits! --
Come, sir. No more of your tricks, good Jeremy.
The truth, the shortest way.
FACE. Dismiss this rabble, sir. --
[ASIDE.]
What shall I do? I am catch'd.
LOVE. Good neighbours,
I thank you all. You may depart.
[EXEUNT NEIGHBOURS.]
-- Come, sir,
You know that I am an indulgent master;
And therefore conceal nothing. What's your medicine,
To draw so many several sorts of wild fowl?
FACE. Sir, you were wont to affect mirth and wit --
But here's no place to talk on't in the street.
Give me but leave to make the best of my fortune,
And only pardon me the abuse of your house:
It's all I beg. I'll help you to a widow,
In recompence, that you shall give me thanks for,
Will make you seven years younger, and a rich one.
'Tis but your putting on a Spanish cloak:
I have her within. You need not fear the house;
It was not visited.
LOVE. But by me, who came
Sooner than you expected.
FACE. It is true, sir.
'Pray you forgive me.
LOVE. Well: let's see your widow.
[EXEUNT.]
SCENE 5.2.
A ROOM IN THE SAME.
ENTER SUBTLE, LEADING IN DAPPER, WITH HIS EYES BOUND AS BEFORE.
SUB. How! you have eaten your gag?
DAP. Yes faith, it crumbled
Away in my mouth.
SUB. You have spoil'd all then.
DAP. No!
I hope my aunt of Fairy will forgive me.
SUB. Your aunt's a gracious lady; but in troth
You were to blame.
DAP. The fume did overcome me,
And I did do't to stay my stomach. 'Pray you
So satisfy her grace.
[ENTER FACE, IN HIS UNIFORM.]
Here comes the captain.
FACE. How now! is his mouth down?
SUB. Ay, he has spoken!
FACE. A pox, I heard him, and you too.
-- He's undone then. --
I have been fain to say, the house is haunted
With spirits, to keep churl back.
SUB. And hast thou done it?
FACE. Sure, for this night.
SUB. Why, then triumph and sing
Of Face so famous, the precious king
Of present wits.
FACE. Did you not hear the coil
About the door?
SUB. Yes, and I dwindled with it.
FACE. Show him his aunt, and let him be dispatch'd:
I'll send her to you.
[EXIT FACE.]
SUB. Well, sir, your aunt her grace
Will give you audience presently, on my suit,
And the captain's word that you did not eat your gag
In any contempt of her highness.
[UNBINDS HIS EYES.]
DAP. Not I, in troth, sir.
[ENTER DOL, LIKE THE QUEEN OF FAIRY.]
SUB. Here she is come. Down o' your knees and wriggle:
She has a stately presence.
[DAPPER KNEELS, AND SHUFFLES TOWARDS HER.]
Good! Yet nearer,
And bid, God save you!
DAP. Madam!
SUB. And your aunt.
DAP. And my most gracious aunt, God save your grace.
DOL. Nephew, we thought to have been angry with you;
But that sweet face of yours hath turn'd the tide,
And made it flow with joy, that ebb'd of love.
Arise, and touch our velvet gown.
SUB. The skirts,
And kiss 'em. So!
DOL. Let me now stroak that head.
"Much, nephew, shalt thou win, much shalt thou spend,
Much shalt thou give away, much shalt thou lend."
SUB [ASIDE]. Ay, much! indeed. --
Why do you not thank her grace?
DAP. I cannot speak for joy.
SUB. See, the kind wretch!
Your grace's kinsman right.
DOL. Give me the bird.
Here is your fly in a purse, about your neck, cousin;
Wear it, and feed it about this day sev'n-night,
On your right wrist --
SUB. Open a vein with a pin,
And let it suck but once a week; till then,
You must not look on't.
DOL. No: and kinsman,
Bear yourself worthy of the blood you come on.
SUB. Her grace would have you eat no more Woolsack pies,
Nor Dagger frumety.
DOL. Nor break his fast
In Heaven and Hell.
SUB. She's with you every where!
Nor play with costarmongers, at mum-chance, tray-trip,
God make you rich; (when as your aunt has done it);
But keep
The gallant'st company, and the best games --
DAP. Yes, sir.
SUB. Gleek and primero; and what you get, be true to us.
DAP. By this hand, I will.
SUB. You may bring's a thousand pound
Before to-morrow night, if but three thousand
Be stirring, an you will.
DAP. I swear I will then.
SUB. Your fly will learn you all games.
FACE [WITHIN]. Have you done there?
SUB. Your grace will command him no more duties?
DOL. No:
But come, and see me often. I may chance
To leave him three or four hundred chests of treasure,
And some twelve thousand acres of fairy land,
If he game well and comely with good gamesters.
SUB. There's a kind aunt! kiss her departing part. --
But you must sell your forty mark a year, now.
DAP. Ay, sir, I mean.
SUB. Or, give't away; pox on't!
DAP. I'll give't mine aunt. I'll go and fetch the writings.
[EXIT.]
SUB. 'Tis well -- away!
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. Where's Subtle?
SUB. Here: what news?
FACE. Drugger is at the door, go take his suit,
And bid him fetch a parson, presently;
Say, he shall marry the widow. Thou shalt spend
A hundred pound by the service!
[EXIT SUBTLE.]
Now, queen Dol,
Have you pack'd up all?
DOL. Yes.
FACE. And how do you like
The lady Pliant?
DOL. A good dull innocent.
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]
SUB. Here's your Hieronimo's cloak and hat.
FACE. Give me them.
SUB. And the ruff too?
FACE. Yes; I'll come to you presently.
[EXIT.]
SUB. Now he is gone about his project, Dol,
I told you of, for the widow.
DOL. 'Tis direct
Against our articles.
SUB. Well, we will fit him, wench.
Hast thou gull'd her of her jewels or her bracelets?
DOL. No; but I will do't.
SUB. Soon at night, my Dolly,
When we are shipp'd, and all our goods aboard,
Eastward for Ratcliff, we will turn our course
To Brainford, westward, if thou sayst the word,
And take our leaves of this o'er-weening rascal,
This peremptory Face.
DOL. Content, I'm weary of him.
SUB. Thou'st cause, when the slave will run a wiving, Dol,
Against the instrument that was drawn between us.
DOL. I'll pluck his bird as bare as I can.
SUB. Yes, tell her,
She must by any means address some present
To the cunning man, make him amends for wronging
His art with her suspicion; send a ring,
Or chain of pearl; she will be tortured else
Extremely in her sleep, say, and have strange things
Come to her. Wilt thou?
DOL. Yes.
SUB. My fine flitter-mouse,
My bird o' the night! we'll tickle it at the Pigeons,
When we have all, and may unlock the trunks,
And say, this's mine, and thine; and thine, and mine.
[THEY KISS.]
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. What now! a billing?
SUB. Yes, a little exalted
In the good passage of our stock-affairs.
FACE. Drugger has brought his parson; take him in, Subtle,
And send Nab back again to wash his face.
SUB. I will: and shave himself?
[EXIT.]
FACE. If you can get him.
DOL. You are hot upon it, Face, whate'er it is!
FACE. A trick that Dol shall spend ten pound a month by.
[RE-ENTER SUBTLE.]
Is he gone?
SUB. The chaplain waits you in the hall, sir.
FACE. I'll go bestow him.
[EXIT.]
DOL. He'll now marry her, instantly.
SUB. He cannot yet, he is not ready. Dear Dol,
Cozen her of all thou canst. To deceive him
Is no deceit, but justice, that would break
Such an inextricable tie as ours was.
DOL. Let me alone to fit him.
[RE-ENTER FACE.]
FACE. Come, my venturers,
You have pack'd up all? where be the trunks? bring forth.
SUB. Here.
FACE. Let us see them. Where's the money?
SUB. Here,
In this.
FACE. Mammon's ten pound; eight score before:
The brethren's money, this. Drugger's and Dapper's.
What paper's that?
DOL. The jewel of the waiting maid's,
That stole it from her lady, to know certain --
FACE. If she should have precedence of her mistress?
DOL. Yes.
FACE. What box is that?
SUB. The fish-wives' rings, I think,
And the ale-wives' single money. Is't not, Dol?
DOL. Yes; and the whistle that the sailor's wife
Brought you to know an her husband were with Ward.
FACE. We'll wet it to-morrow; and our silver-beakers
And tavern cups. Where be the French petticoats,
And girdles and hangers?
SUB. Here, in the trunk,
And the bolts of lawn.
FACE. Is Drugger's damask there,
And the tobacco?
SUB. Yes.
FACE. Give me the keys.
DOL. Why you the keys?
SUB. No matter, Dol; because
We shall not open them before he comes.
FACE. 'Tis true, you shall not open them, indeed;
Nor have them forth, do you see? Not forth, Dol.
DOL. No!
FACE. No, my smock rampant. The right is, my master
Knows all, has pardon'd me, and he will keep them;
Doctor, 'tis true -- you look -- for all your figures:
I sent for him, indeed. Wherefore, good partners,
Both he and she be satisfied; for here
Determines the indenture tripartite
'Twixt Subtle, Dol, and Face. All I can do
Is to help you over the wall, o' the back-side,
Or lend you a sheet to save your velvet gown, Dol.
Here will be officers presently, bethink you
Of some course suddenly to 'scape the dock:
For thither you will come else.
[LOUD KNOCKING.]
Hark you, thunder.
SUB. You are a precious fiend!
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Open the door.
FACE. Dol, I am sorry for thee i'faith; but hear'st thou?
It shall go hard but I will place thee somewhere:
Thou shalt have my letter to mistress Amo --
DOL. Hang you!
FACE. Or madam Caesarean.
DOL. Pox upon you, rogue,
Would I had but time to beat thee!
FACE. Subtle,
Let's know where you set up next; I will send you
A customer now and then, for old acquaintance:
What new course have you?
SUB. Rogue, I'll hang myself;
That I may walk a greater devil than thou,
And haunt thee in the flock-bed and the buttery.
[EXEUNT.]
SCENE 5.3.
AN OUTER ROOM IN THE SAME.
ENTER LOVEWIT IN THE SPANISH DRESS, WITH THE PARSON.
LOUD KNOCKING AT THE DOOR.
LOVE. What do you mean, my masters?
MAM [WITHOUT]. Open your door,
Cheaters, bawds, conjurers.
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Or we will break it open.
LOVE. What warrant have you?
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Warrant enough, sir, doubt not,
If you'll not open it.
LOVE. Is there an officer, there?
OFFI [WITHOUT]. Yes, two or three for failing.
LOVE. Have but patience,
And I will open it straight.
[ENTER FACE, AS BUTLER.]
FACE. Sir, have you done?
Is it a marriage? perfect?
LOVE. Yes, my brain.
FACE. Off with your ruff and cloak then; be yourself, sir.
SUR [WITHOUT]. Down with the door.
KAS [WITHOUT]. 'Slight, ding it open.
LOVE [OPENING THE DOOR]. Hold,
Hold, gentlemen, what means this violence?
[MAMMON, SURLY, KASTRIL, ANANIAS, TRIBULATION,
AND OFFICERS, RUSH IN.]
MAM. Where is this collier?
SUR. And my captain Face?
MAM. These day owls.
SUR. That are birding in men's purses.
MAM. Madam suppository.
KAS. Doxy, my suster.
ANA. Locusts
Of the foul pit.
TRI. Profane as Bel and the dragon.
ANA. Worse than the grasshoppers, or the lice of Egypt.
LOVE. Good gentlemen, hear me. Are you officers,
And cannot stay this violence?
1 OFFI. Keep the peace.
LOVE. Gentlemen, what is the matter? whom do you seek?
MAM. The chemical cozener.
SUR. And the captain pander.
KAS. The nun my suster.
MAM. Madam Rabbi.
ANA. Scorpions,
And caterpillars.
LOVE. Fewer at once, I pray you.
2 OFFI. One after another, gentlemen, I charge you,
By virtue of my staff.
ANA. They are the vessels
Of pride, lust, and the cart.
LOVE. Good zeal, lie still
A little while.
TRI. Peace, deacon Ananias.
LOVE. The house is mine here, and the doors are open;
If there be any such persons as you seek for,
Use your authority, search on o' God's name.
I am but newly come to town, and finding
This tumult 'bout my door, to tell you true,
It somewhat mazed me; till my man, here, fearing
My more displeasure, told me he had done
Somewhat an insolent part, let out my house
(Belike, presuming on my known aversion
From any air o' the town while there was sickness,)
To a doctor and a captain: who, what they are
Or where they be, he knows not.
MAM. Are they gone?
LOVE. You may go in and search, sir.
[MAMMON, ANA., AND TRIB. GO IN.]
Here, I find
The empty walls worse than I left them, smoak'd,
A few crack'd pots, and glasses, and a furnace:
The ceiling fill'd with poesies of the candle,
And madam with a dildo writ o' the walls:
Only one gentlewoman, I met here,
That is within, that said she was a widow --
KAS. Ay, that's my suster; I'll go thump her. Where is she?
[GOES IN.]
LOVE. And should have married a Spanish count, but he,
When he came to't, neglected her so grossly,
That I, a widower, am gone through with her.
SUR. How! have I lost her then?
LOVE. Were you the don, sir?
Good faith, now, she does blame you extremely, and says
You swore, and told her you had taken the pains
To dye your beard, and umber o'er your face,
Borrowed a suit, and ruff, all for her love;
And then did nothing. What an oversight,
And want of putting forward, sir, was this!
Well fare an old harquebuzier, yet,
Could prime his powder, and give fire, and hit,
All in a twinkling!
[RE-ENTER MAMMON.]
MAM. The whole nest are fled!
LOVE. What sort of birds were they?
MAM. A kind of choughs,
Or thievish daws, sir, that have pick'd my purse
Of eight score and ten pounds within these five weeks,
Beside my first materials; and my goods,
That lie in the cellar, which I am glad they have left,
I may have home yet.
LOVE. Think you so, sir?
MAM. Ay.
LOVE. By order of law, sir, but not otherwise.
MAM. Not mine own stuff!
LOVE. Sir, I can take no knowledge
That they are yours, but by public means.
If you can bring certificate that you were gull'd of them,
Or any formal writ out of a court,
That you did cozen your self, I will not hold them.
MAM. I'll rather lose them.
LOVE. That you shall not, sir,
By me, in troth: upon these terms, they are yours.
What! should they have been, sir, turn'd into gold, all?
MAM. No,
I cannot tell -- It may be they should. -- What then?
LOVE. What a great loss in hope have you sustain'd!
MAM. Not I, the commonwealth has.
FACE. Ay, he would have built
The city new; and made a ditch about it
Of silver, should have run with cream from Hogsden;
That every Sunday, in Moorfields, the younkers,
And tits and tom-boys should have fed on, gratis.
MAM. I will go mount a turnip-cart, and preach
The end of the world, within these two months. Surly,
What! in a dream?
SUR. Must I needs cheat myself,
With that same foolish vice of honesty!
Come, let us go and hearken out the rogues:
That Face I'll mark for mine, if e'er I meet him.
FACE. If I can hear of him, sir, I'll bring you word,
Unto your lodging; for in troth, they were strangers
To me, I thought them honest as my self, sir.
[EXEUNT MAM. AND SUR.]
[RE-ENTER ANANIAS AND TRIBULATION.]
TRI. 'Tis well, the saints shall not lose all yet. Go,
And get some carts --
LOVE. For what, my zealous friends?
ANA. To bear away the portion of the righteous
Out of this den of thieves.
LOVE. What is that portion?
ANA. The goods sometimes the orphan's, that the brethren
Bought with their silver pence.
LOVE. What, those in the cellar,
The knight sir Mammon claims?
ANA. I do defy
The wicked Mammon, so do all the brethren,
Thou profane man! I ask thee with what conscience
Thou canst advance that idol against us,
That have the seal? were not the shillings number'd,
That made the pounds; were not the pounds told out,
Upon the second day of the fourth week,
In the eighth month, upon the table dormant,
The year of the last patience of the saints,
Six hundred and ten?
LOVE. Mine earnest vehement botcher,
And deacon also, I cannot dispute with you:
But if you get you not away the sooner,
I shall confute you with a cudgel.
ANA. Sir!
TRI. Be patient, Ananias.
ANA. I am strong,
And will stand up, well girt, against an host
That threaten Gad in exile.
LOVE. I shall send you
To Amsterdam, to your cellar.
ANA. I will pray there,
Against thy house: may dogs defile thy walls,
And wasps and hornets breed beneath thy roof,
This seat of falsehood, and this cave of cozenage!
[EXEUNT ANA. AND TRIB.]
[ENTER DRUGGER.]
LOVE. Another too?
DRUG. Not I, sir, I am no brother.
LOVE [BEATS HIM]. Away, you Harry Nicholas! do you talk?
[EXIT DRUG.]
FACE. No, this was Abel Drugger. Good sir, go,
[TO THE PARSON.]
And satisfy him; tell him all is done:
He staid too long a washing of his face.
The doctor, he shall hear of him at West-chester;
And of the captain, tell him, at Yarmouth, or
Some good port-town else, lying for a wind.
[EXIT PARSON.]
If you can get off the angry child, now, sir --
[ENTER KASTRIL, DRAGGING IN HIS SISTER.]
KAS. Come on, you ewe, you have match'd most sweetly,
have you not?
Did not I say, I would never have you tupp'd
But by a dubb'd boy, to make you a lady-tom?
'Slight, you are a mammet! O, I could touse you, now.
Death, mun' you marry, with a pox!
LOVE. You lie, boy;
As sound as you; and I'm aforehand with you.
KAS. Anon!
LOVE. Come, will you quarrel? I will feize you, sirrah;
Why do you not buckle to your tools?
KAS. Od's light,
This is a fine old boy as e'er I saw!
LOVE. What, do you change your copy now? proceed;
Here stands my dove: stoop at her, if you dare.
KAS. 'Slight, I must love him! I cannot choose, i'faith,
An I should be hang'd for't! Suster, I protest,
I honour thee for this match.
LOVE. O, do you so, sir?
KAS. Yes, an thou canst take tobacco and drink, old boy,
I'll give her five hundred pound more to her marriage,
Than her own state.
LOVE. Fill a pipe full, Jeremy.
FACE. Yes; but go in and take it, sir.
LOVE. We will --
I will be ruled by thee in any thing, Jeremy.
KAS. 'Slight, thou art not hide-bound, thou art a jovy boy!
Come, let us in, I pray thee, and take our whiffs.
LOVE. Whiff in with your sister, brother boy.
[EXEUNT KAS. AND DAME P.]
That master
That had received such happiness by a servant,
In such a widow, and with so much wealth,
Were very ungrateful, if he would not be
A little indulgent to that servant's wit,
And help his fortune, though with some small strain
Of his own candour.
[ADVANCING.]
-- "Therefore, gentlemen,
And kind spectators, if I have outstript
An old man's gravity, or strict canon, think
What a young wife and a good brain may do;
Stretch age's truth sometimes, and crack it too.
Speak for thy self, knave."
FACE. "So I will, sir."
[ADVANCING TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE.]
"Gentlemen,
My part a little fell in this last scene,
Yet 'twas decorum. And though I am clean
Got off from Subtle, Surly, Mammon, Dol,
Hot Ananias, Dapper, Drugger, all
With whom I traded: yet I put my self
On you, that are my country: and this pelf
Which I have got, if you do quit me, rests
To feast you often, and invite new guests."
[EXEUNT.]
---------------------
GLOSSARY
ABATE, cast down, subdue.
ABHORRING, repugnant (to), at variance.
ABJECT, base, degraded thing, outcast.
ABRASE, smooth, blank.
ABSOLUTE(LY), faultless(ly).
ABSTRACTED, abstract, abstruse.
ABUSE, deceive, insult, dishonour, make ill use of.
ACATER, caterer.
ACATES, cates.
ACCEPTIVE, willing, ready to accept, receive.
ACCOMMODATE, fit, befitting. (The word was a fashionable
one and used on all occasions. See "Henry IV.," pt. 2,
iii. 4).
ACCOST, draw near, approach.
ACKNOWN, confessedly acquainted with.
ACME, full maturity.
ADALANTADO, lord deputy or governor of a Spanish province.
ADJECTION, addition.
ADMIRATION, astonishment.
ADMIRE, wonder, wonder at.
ADROP, philosopher's stone, or substance from which obtained.
ADSCRIVE, subscribe.
ADULTERATE, spurious, counterfeit.
ADVANCE, lift.
ADVERTISE, inform, give intelligence.
ADVERTISED, "be --," be it known to you.
ADVERTISEMENT, intelligence.
ADVISE, consider, bethink oneself, deliberate.
ADVISED, informed, aware; "are you --?" have you found that out?
AFFECT, love, like; aim at; move.
AFFECTED, disposed; beloved.
AFFECTIONATE, obstinate; prejudiced.
AFFECTS, affections.
AFFRONT, "give the -- ," face.
AFFY, have confidence in; betroth.
AFTER, after the manner of.
AGAIN, AGAINST, in anticipation of.
AGGRAVATE, increase, magnify, enlarge upon.
AGNOMINATION. See Paranomasie.
AIERY, nest, brood.
AIM, guess.
ALL HID, children's cry at hide-and-seek.
ALL-TO, completely, entirely ("all-to-be-laden").
ALLOWANCE, approbation, recognition.
ALMA-CANTARAS (astronomy), parallels of altitude.
ALMAIN, name of a dance.
ALMUTEN, planet of chief influence in the horoscope.
ALONE, unequalled, without peer.
ALUDELS, subliming pots.
AMAZED, confused, perplexed.
AMBER, AMBRE, ambergris.
AMBREE, MARY, a woman noted for her valour at the
siege of Ghent, 1458.
AMES-ACE, lowest throw at dice.
AMPHIBOLIES, ambiguities.
AMUSED, bewildered, amazed.
AN, if.
ANATOMY, skeleton, or dissected body.
ANDIRONS, fire-dogs.
ANGEL, gold coin worth 10 shillings, stamped with the
figure of the archangel Michael.
ANNESH CLEARE, spring known as Agnes le Clare.
ANSWER, return hit in fencing.
ANTIC, ANTIQUE, clown, buffoon.
ANTIC, like a buffoon.
ANTIPERISTASIS, an opposition which enhances the quality
it opposes.
APOZEM, decoction.
APPERIL, peril.
APPLE-JOHN, APPLE-SQUIRE, pimp, pander.
APPLY, attach.
APPREHEND, take into custody.
APPREHENSIVE, quick of perception; able to perceive and appreciate.
APPROVE, prove, confirm.
APT, suit, adapt; train, prepare; dispose, incline.
APT(LY), suitable(y), opportune(ly).
APTITUDE, suitableness.
ARBOR, "make the --," cut up the game (Gifford).
ARCHES, Court of Arches.
ARCHIE, Archibald Armstrong, jester to James I. and Charles I.
ARGAILE, argol, crust or sediment in wine casks.
ARGENT-VIVE, quicksilver.
ARGUMENT, plot of a drama; theme, subject; matter in question;
token, proof.
ARRIDE, please.
ARSEDINE, mixture of copper and zinc, used as an imitation of
gold-leaf.
ARTHUR, PRINCE, reference to an archery show by a society who
assumed arms, etc., of Arthur's knights.
ARTICLE, item.
ARTIFICIALLY, artfully.
ASCENSION, evaporation, distillation.
ASPIRE, try to reach, obtain, long for.
ASSALTO (Italian), assault.
ASSAY, draw a knife along the belly of the deer, a
ceremony of the hunting-field.
ASSOIL, solve.
ASSURE, secure possession or reversion of.
ATHANOR, a digesting furnace, calculated to keep up a
constant heat.
ATONE, reconcile.
ATTACH, attack, seize.
AUDACIOUS, having spirit and confidence.
AUTHENTIC(AL), of authority, authorised, trustworthy, genuine.
AVISEMENT, reflection, consideration.
AVOID, begone! get rid of.
AWAY WITH, endure.
AZOCH, Mercurius Philosophorum.
BABION, baboon.
BABY, doll.
BACK-SIDE, back premises.
BAFFLE, treat with contempt.
BAGATINE, Italian coin, worth about the third of a farthing.
BAIARD, horse of magic powers known to old romance.
BALDRICK, belt worn across the breast to support bugle, etc.
BALE (of dice), pair.
BALK, overlook, pass by, avoid.
BALLACE, ballast.
BALLOO, game at ball.
BALNEUM (BAIN MARIE), a vessel for holding hot water
in which other vessels are stood for heating.
BANBURY, "brother of --," Puritan.
BANDOG, dog tied or chained up.
BANE, woe, ruin.
BANQUET, a light repast; dessert.
BARB, to clip gold.
BARBEL, fresh-water fish.
BARE, meer; bareheaded; it was "a particular mark of state
and grandeur for the coachman to be uncovered" (Gifford).
BARLEY-BREAK, game somewhat similar to base.
BASE, game of prisoner's base.
BASES, richly embroidered skirt reaching to the knees, or
lower.
BASILISK, fabulous reptile, believed to slay with its eye.
BASKET, used for the broken provision collected for prisoners.
BASON, basons, etc., were beaten by the attendant mob when
bad characters were "carted."
BATE, be reduced; abate, reduce.
BATOON, baton, stick.
BATTEN, feed, grow fat.
BAWSON, badger.
BEADSMAN, prayer-man, one engaged to pray for another.
BEAGLE, small hound; fig. spy.
BEAR IN HAND, keep in suspense, deceive with false hopes.
BEARWARD, bear leader.
BEDPHERE. See Phere.
BEDSTAFF, (?) wooden pin in the side of the bedstead for
supporting the bedclothes (Johnson); one of the sticks or
"laths"; a stick used in making a bed.
BEETLE, heavy mallet.
BEG, "I'd -- him," the custody of minors and idiots was
begged for; likewise property fallen forfeit to the Crown
("your house had been begged").
BELL-MAN, night watchman.
BENJAMIN, an aromatic gum.
BERLINA, pillory.
BESCUMBER, defile.
BESLAVE, beslabber.
BESOGNO, beggar.
BESPAWLE, bespatter.
BETHLEHEM GABOR, Transylvanian hero, proclaimed King of Hungary.
BEVER, drinking.
BEVIS, SIR, knight of romance whose horse was equally celebrated.
BEWRAY, reveal, make known.
BEZANT, heraldic term: small gold circle.
BEZOAR'S STONE, a remedy known by this name was a
supposed antidote to poison.
BID-STAND, highwayman.
BIGGIN, cap, similar to that worn by the Beguines; nightcap.
BILIVE (belive), with haste.
BILK, nothing, empty talk.
BILL, kind of pike.
BILLET, wood cut for fuel, stick.
BIRDING, thieving.
BLACK SANCTUS, burlesque hymn, any unholy riot.
BLANK, originally a small French coin.
BLANK, white.
BLANKET, toss in a blanket.
BLAZE, outburst of violence.
BLAZE, (her.) blazon; publish abroad.
BLAZON, armorial bearings; fig. all that pertains to
good birth and breeding.
BLIN, "withouten --," without ceasing.
BLOW, puff up.
BLUE, colour of servants' livery, hence "-- order,"
"-- waiters."
BLUSHET, blushing one.
BOB, jest, taunt.
BOB, beat, thump.
BODGE, measure.
BODKIN, dagger, or other short, pointed weapon; long
pin with which the women fastened up their hair.
BOLT, roll (of material).
BOLT, dislodge, rout out; sift (boulting-tub).
BOLT'S-HEAD, long, straight-necked vessel for distillation.
BOMBARD SLOPS, padded, puffed-out breeches.
BONA ROBA, "good, wholesome, plum-cheeked wench" (Johnson)
-- not always used in compliment.
BONNY-CLABBER, sour butter-milk.
BOOKHOLDER, prompter.
BOOT, "to --," into the bargain; "no --," of no avail.
BORACHIO, bottle made of skin.
BORDELLO, brothel.
BORNE IT, conducted, carried it through.
BOTTLE (of hay), bundle, truss.
BOTTOM, skein or ball of thread; vessel.
BOURD, jest.
BOVOLI, snails or cockles dressed in the Italian manner
(Gifford).
BOW-POT, flower vase or pot.
BOYS, "terrible --," "angry --," roystering young bucks.
(See Nares).
BRABBLES (BRABBLESH), brawls.
BRACH, bitch.
BRADAMANTE, a heroine in "Orlando Furioso."
BRADLEY, ARTHUR OF, a lively character commemorated in
ballads.
BRAKE, frame for confining a horse's feet while being
shod, or strong curb or bridle; trap.
BRANCHED, with "detached sleeve ornaments, projecting
from the shoulders of the gown" (Gifford).
BRANDISH, flourish of weapon.
BRASH, brace.
BRAVE, bravado, braggart speech.
BRAVE (adv.), gaily, finely (apparelled).
BRAVERIES, gallants.
BRAVERY, extravagant gaiety of apparel.
BRAVO, bravado, swaggerer.
BRAZEN-HEAD, speaking head made by Roger Bacon.
BREATHE, pause for relaxation; exercise.
BREATH UPON, speak dispraisingly of.
BREND, burn.
BRIDE-ALE, wedding feast.
BRIEF, abstract; (mus.) breve.
BRISK, smartly dressed.
BRIZE, breese, gadfly.
BROAD-SEAL, state seal.
BROCK, badger (term of contempt).
BROKE, transact business as a broker.
BROOK, endure, put up with.
BROUGHTON, HUGH, an English divine and Hebrew scholar.
BRUIT, rumour.
BUCK, wash.
BUCKLE, bend.
BUFF, leather made of buffalo skin, used for military
and serjeants' coats, etc.
BUFO, black tincture.
BUGLE, long-shaped bead.
BULLED, (?) bolled, swelled.
BULLIONS, trunk hose.
BULLY, term of familiar endearment.
BUNGY, Friar Bungay, who had a familiar in the shape of a dog.
BURDEN, refrain, chorus.
BURGONET, closely-fitting helmet with visor.
BURGULLION, braggadocio.
BURN, mark wooden measures ("--ing of cans").
BURROUGH, pledge, security.
BUSKIN, half-boot, foot gear reaching high up the leg.
BUTT-SHAFT, barbless arrow for shooting at butts.
BUTTER, NATHANIEL ("Staple of News"), a compiler of general
news. (See Cunningham).
BUTTERY-HATCH, half-door shutting off the buttery, where
provisions and liquors were stored.
BUY, "he bought me," formerly the guardianship of wards
could be bought.
BUZ, exclamation to enjoin silence.
BUZZARD, simpleton.
BY AND BY, at once.
BY(E), "on the __," incidentally, as of minor or secondary
importance; at the side.
BY-CHOP, by-blow, bastard.
CADUCEUS, Mercury's wand.
CALIVER, light kind of musket.
CALLET, woman of ill repute.
CALLOT, coif worn on the wigs of our judges or
serjeants-at-law (Gifford).
CALVERED, crimped, or sliced and pickled. (See Nares).
CAMOUCCIO, wretch, knave.
CAMUSED, flat.
CAN, knows.
CANDLE-RENT, rent from house property.
CANDLE-WASTER, one who studies late.
CANTER, sturdy beggar.
CAP OF MAINTENCE, an insignia of dignity, a cap of state
borne before kings at their coronation; also an heraldic term.
CAPABLE, able to comprehend, fit to receive instruction,
impression.
CAPANEUS, one of the "Seven against Thebes."
CARACT, carat, unit of weight for precious stones, etc.;
value, worth.
CARANZA, Spanish author of a book on duelling.
CARCANET, jewelled ornament for the neck.
CARE, take care; object.
CAROSH, coach, carriage.
CARPET, table-cover.
CARRIAGE, bearing, behaviour.
CARWHITCHET, quip, pun.
CASAMATE, casemate, fortress.
CASE, a pair.
CASE, "in --," in condition.
CASSOCK, soldier's loose overcoat.
CAST, flight of hawks, couple.
CAST, throw dice; vomit; forecast, calculate.
CAST, cashiered.
CASTING-GLASS, bottle for sprinkling perfume.
CASTRIL, kestrel, falcon.
CAT, structure used in sieges.
CATAMITE, old form of "ganymede."
CATASTROPHE, conclusion.
CATCHPOLE, sheriff's officer.
CATES, dainties, provisions.
CATSO, rogue, cheat.
CAUTELOUS, crafty, artful.
CENSURE, criticism; sentence.
CENSURE, criticise; pass sentence, doom.
CERUSE, cosmetic containing white lead.
CESS, assess.
CHANGE, "hunt --," follow a fresh scent.
CHAPMAN, retail dealer.
CHARACTER, handwriting.
CHARGE, expense.
CHARM, subdue with magic, lay a spell on, silence.
CHARMING, exercising magic power.
CHARTEL, challenge.
CHEAP, bargain, market.
CHEAR, CHEER, comfort, encouragement; food, entertainment.
CHECK AT, aim reproof at.
CHEQUIN, gold Italian coin.
CHEVRIL, from kidskin, which is elastic and pliable.
CHIAUS, Turkish envoy; used for a cheat, swindler.
CHILDERMASS DAY, Innocents' Day.
CHOKE-BAIL, action which does not allow of bail.
CHRYSOPOEIA, alchemy.
CHRYSOSPERM, ways of producing gold.
CIBATION, adding fresh substances to supply the waste
of evaporation.
CIMICI, bugs.
CINOPER, cinnabar.
CIOPPINI, chopine, lady's high shoe.
CIRCLING BOY, "a species of roarer; one who in some way
drew a man into a snare, to cheat or rob him" (Nares).
CIRCUMSTANCE, circumlocution, beating about the bush;
ceremony, everything pertaining to a certain condition;
detail, particular.
CITRONISE, turn citron colour.
CITTERN, kind of guitar.
CITY-WIRES, woman of fashion, who made use of wires
for hair and dress.
CIVIL, legal.
CLAP, clack, chatter.
CLAPPER-DUDGEON, downright beggar.
CLAPS HIS DISH, a clap, or clack, dish (dish with a
movable lid) was carried by beggars and lepers to show
that the vessel was empty, and to give sound of their
approach.
CLARIDIANA, heroine of an old romance.
CLARISSIMO, Venetian noble.
CLEM, starve.
CLICKET, latch.
CLIM O' THE CLOUGHS, etc., wordy heroes of romance.
CLIMATE, country.
CLOSE, secret, private; secretive.
CLOSENESS, secrecy.
CLOTH, arras, hangings.
CLOUT, mark shot at, bull's eye.
CLOWN, countryman, clodhopper.
COACH-LEAVES, folding blinds.
COALS, "bear no --," submit to no affront.
COAT-ARMOUR, coat of arms.
COAT-CARD, court-card.
COB-HERRING, HERRING-COB, a young herring.
COB-SWAN, male swan.
COCK-A-HOOP, denoting unstinted jollity; thought to
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