The Jacket (Star-Rover)
by
Jack London
Part 5 out of 6
"I saw them healed," I replied. "I followed them to make certain.
There was no leprosy in them."
"But did you see them sore?--before the healing?" Pilate insisted.
I shook my head.
"I was only told so," I admitted. "When I saw them afterward, they
had all the seeming of men who had once been lepers. They were in a
daze. There was one who sat in the sun and ever searched his body
and stared and stared at the smooth flesh as if unable to believe
his eyes. He would not speak, nor look at aught else than his
flesh, when I questioned him. He was in a maze. He sat there in
the sun and stared and stated."
Pilate smiled contemptuously, and I noted the quiet smile on
Miriam's face was equally contemptuous. And Pilate's wife sat as if
a corpse, scarce breathing, her eyes wide and unseeing.
Spoke Ambivius: "Caiaphas holds--he told me but yesterday--that the
fisherman claims that he will bring God down on earth and make here
a new kingdom over which God will rule--"
"Which would mean the end of Roman rule," I broke in.
"That is where Caiaphas and Hanan plot to embroil Rome," Miriam
explained. "It is not true. It is a lie they have made."
Pilate nodded and asked:
"Is there not somewhere in your ancient books a prophecy that the
priests here twist into the intent of this fisherman's mind?"
To this she agreed, and gave him the citation. I relate the
incident to evidence the depth of Pilate's study of this people he
strove so hard to keep in order.
"What I have heard," Miriam continued, "is that this Jesus preaches
the end of the world and the beginning of God's kingdom, not here,
but in heaven."
"I have had report of that," Pilate raid. "It is true. This Jesus
holds the justness of the Roman tax. He holds that Rome shall rule
until all rule passes away with the passing of the world. I see
more clearly the trick Hanan is playing me."
"It is even claimed by some of his followers," Ambivius volunteered,
"that he is God Himself."
"I have no report that he has so said," Pilate replied.
"Why not?" his wife breathed. "Why not? Gods have descended to
earth before."
"Look you," Pilate said. "I have it by creditable report, that
after this Jesus had worked some wonder whereby a multitude was fed
on several loaves and fishes, the foolish Galileans were for making
him a king. Against his will they would make him a king. To escape
them he fled into the mountains. No madness there. He was too wise
to accept the fate they would have forced upon him."
"Yet that is the very trick Hanan would force upon you," Miriam
reiterated. "They claim for him that he would be king of the Jews--
an offence against Roman law, wherefore Rome must deal with him."
Pilate shrugged his shoulders.
"A king of the beggars, rather; or a king of the dreamers. He is no
fool. He is visionary, but not visionary of this world's power.
All luck go with him in the next world, for that is beyond Rome's
jurisdiction."
"He holds that property is sin--that is what hits the Pharisees,"
Ambivius spoke up.
Pilate laughed heartily.
"This king of the beggars and his fellow-beggars still do respect
property, he explained. "For, look you, not long ago they had even
a treasurer for their wealth. Judas his name was, and there were
words in that he stole from their common purse which he carried."
"Jesus did not steal?" Pilate's wife asked.
"No," Pilate answered; "it was Judas, the treasurer."
"Who was this John?" I questioned. "He was in trouble up Tiberias
way and Antipas executed him."
"Another one," Miriam answered. "He was born near Hebron. He was
an enthusiast and a desert-dweller. Either he or his followers
claimed that he was Elijah raised from the dead. Elijah, you see,
was one of our old prophets."
"Was he seditious?" I asked.
Pilate grinned and shook his head, then said:
"He fell out with Antipas over the matter of Herodias. John was a
moralist. It is too long a story, but he paid for it with his head.
No, there was nothing political in that affair."
"It is also claimed by some that Jesus is the Son of David," Miriam
said. "But it is absurd. Nobody at Nazareth believes it. You see,
his whole family, including his married sisters, lives there and is
known to all of them. They are a simple folk, mere common people."
"I wish it were as simple, the report of all this complexity that I
must send to Tiberius," Pilate grumbled. "And now this fisherman is
come to Jerusalem, the place is packed with pilgrims ripe for any
trouble, and Hanan stirs and stirs the broth."
"And before he is done he will have his way," Miriam forecast. "He
has laid the task for you, and you will perform it."
"Which is?" Pilate queried.
"The execution of this fisherman."
Pilate shook his head stubbornly, but his wife cried out:
"No! No! It would be a shameful wrong. The man has done no evil.
He has not offended against Rome."
She looked beseechingly to Pilate, who continued to shake his head.
"Let them do their own beheading, as Antipas did," he growled. "The
fisherman counts for nothing; but I shall be no catspaw to their
schemes. If they must destroy him, they must destroy him. That is
their affair."
"But you will not permit it," cried Pilate's wife.
"A pretty time would I have explaining to Tiberius if I interfered,"
was his reply.
"No matter what happens," said Miriam, "I can see you writing
explanations, and soon; for Jesus is already come up to Jerusalem
and a number of his fishermen with him."
Pilate showed the irritation this information caused him.
"I have no interest in his movements," he pronounced. "I hope never
to see him."
"Trust Hanan to find him for you," Miriam replied, "and to bring him
to your gate."
Pilate shrugged his shoulders, and there the talk ended. Pilate's
wife, nervous and overwrought, must claim Miriam to her apartments,
so that nothing remained for me but to go to bed and doze off to the
buzz and murmur of the city of madmen.
Events moved rapidly. Over night the white heat of the city had
scorched upon itself. By midday, when I rode forth with half a
dozen of my men, the streets were packed, and more reluctant than
ever were the folk to give way before me. If looks could kill I
should have been a dead man that day. Openly they spat at sight of
me, and, everywhere arose snarls and cries.
Less was I a thing of wonder, and more was I the thing hated in that
I wore the hated harness of Rome. Had it been any other city, I
should have given command to my men to lay the flats of their swords
on those snarling fanatics. But this was Jerusalem, at fever heat,
and these were a people unable in thought to divorce the idea of
State from the idea of God.
Hanan the Sadducee had done his work well. No matter what he and
the Sanhedrim believed of the true inwardness of the situation, it
was clear this rabble had been well tutored to believe that Rome was
at the bottom of it.
I encountered Miriam in the press. She was on foot, attended only
by a woman. It was no time in such turbulence for her to be abroad
garbed as became her station. Through her sister she was indeed
sister-in-law to Antipas for whom few bore love. So she was dressed
discreetly, her face covered, so that she might pass as any Jewish
woman of the lower orders. But not to my eye could she hide that
fine stature of her, that carriage and walk, so different from other
women's, of which I had already dreamed more than once.
Few and quick were the words we were able to exchange, for the way
jammed on the moment, and soon my men and horses were being pressed
and jostled. Miriam was sheltered in an angle of house-wall.
"Have they got the fisherman yet?" I asked.
"No; but he is just outside the wall. He has ridden up to Jerusalem
on an ass, with a multitude before and behind; and some, poor dupes,
have hailed him as he passed as King of Israel. That finally is the
pretext with which Hanan will compel Pilate. Truly, though not yet
taken, the sentence is already written. This fisherman is a dead
man."
"But Pilate will not arrest him," I defended. Miriam shook her
head.
"Hanan will attend to that. They will bring him before the
Sanhedrim. The sentence will be death. They may stone him."
"But the Sanhedrim has not the right to execute," I contended.
"Jesus is not a Roman," she replied. "He is a Jew. By the law of
the Talmud he is guilty of death, for he has blasphemed against the
law."
Still I shook my head.
"The Sanhedrim has not the right."
"Pilate is willing that it should take that right."
"But it is a fine question of legality," I insisted. "You know what
the Romans are in such matters."
"Then will Hanan avoid the question," she smiled, "by compelling
Pilate to crucify him. In either event it will be well."
A surging of the mob was sweeping our horses along and grinding our
knees together. Some fanatic had fallen, and I could feel my horse
recoil and half rear as it tramped on him, and I could hear the man
screaming and the snarling menace from all about rising to a roar.
But my head was over my shoulder as I called back to Miriam:
"You are hard on a man you have said yourself is without evil."
"I am hard upon the evil that will come of him if he lives," she
replied.
Scarcely did I catch her words, for a man sprang in, seizing my
bridle-rein and leg and struggling to unhorse me. With my open
palm, leaning forward, I smote him full upon cheek and jaw. My hand
covered the face of him, and a hearty will of weight was in the
blow. The dwellers in Jerusalem are not used to man's buffets. I
have often wondered since if I broke the fellow's neck.
Next I saw Miriam was the following day. I met her in the court of
Pilate's palace. She seemed in a dream. Scarce her eyes saw me.
Scarce her wits embraced my identity. So strange was she, so in
daze and amaze and far-seeing were her eyes, that I was reminded of
the lepers I had seen healed in Samaria.
She became herself by an effort, but only her outward self. In her
eyes was a message unreadable. Never before had I seen woman's eyes
so.
She would have passed me ungreeted had I not confronted her way.
She paused and murmured words mechanically, but all the while her
eyes dreamed through me and beyond me with the largeness of the
vision that filled them.
"I have seen Him, Lodbrog," she whispered. "I have seen Him."
"The gods grant that he is not so ill-affected by the sight of you,
whoever he may be," I laughed.
She took no notice of my poor-timed jest, and her eyes remained full
with vision, and she would have passed on had I not again blocked
her way.
"Who is this he?" I demanded. "Some man raised from the dead to put
such strange light in your eyes?"
"One who has raised others from the dead," she replied. "Truly I
believe that He, this Jesus, has raised the dead. He is the Prince
of Light, the Son of God. I have seen Him. Truly I believe that He
is the Son of God."
Little could I glean from her words, save that she had met this
wandering fisherman and been swept away by his folly. For surely
this Miriam was not the Miriam who had branded him a plague and
demanded that he be stamped out as any plague.
"He has charmed you," I cried angrily.
Her eyes seemed to moisten and grow deeper as she gave confirmation.
"Oh, Lodbrog, His is charm beyond all thinking, beyond all
describing. But to look upon Him is to know that here is the all-
soul of goodness and of compassion. I have seen Him. I have heard
Him. I shall give all I have to the poor, and I shall follow Him."
Such was her certitude that I accepted it fully, as I had accepted
the amazement of the lepers of Samaria staring at their smooth
flesh; and I was bitter that so great a woman should be so easily
wit-addled by a vagrant wonder-worker.
"Follow him," I sneered. "Doubtless you will wear a crown when he
wins to his kingdom."
She nodded affirmation, and I could have struck her in the face for
her folly. I drew aside, and as she moved slowly on she murmured:
"His kingdom is not here. He is the Son of David. He is the Son of
God. He is whatever He has said, or whatever has been said of Him
that is good and great."
"A wise man of the East," I found Pilate chuckling. "He is a
thinker, this unlettered fisherman. I have sought more deeply into
him. I have fresh report. He has no need of wonder-workings. He
out-sophisticates the most sophistical of them. They have laid
traps, and He has laughed at their traps. Look you. Listen to
this."
Whereupon he told me how Jesus had confounded his confounders when
they brought to him for judgment a woman taken in adultery.
"And the tax," Pilate exulted on. "'To Caesar what is Caesar's, to
God what is God's,' was his answer to them. That was Hanan's trick,
and Hanan is confounded. At last has there appeared one Jew who
understands our Roman conception of the State."
Next I saw Pilate's wife. Looking into her eyes I knew, on the
instant, after having seen Miriam's eyes, that this tense,
distraught woman had likewise seen the fisherman.
"The Divine is within Him," she murmured to me. "There is within
Him a personal awareness of the indwelling of God."
"Is he God?" I queried, gently, for say something I must.
She shook her head.
"I do not know. He has not said. But this I know: of such stuff
gods are made."
"A charmer of women," was my privy judgment, as I left Pilate's wife
walking in dreams and visions.
The last days are known to all of you who read these lines, and it
was in those last days that I learned that this Jesus was equally a
charmer of men. He charmed Pilate. He charmed me.
After Hanan had sent Jesus to Caiaphas, and the Sanhedrim, assembled
in Caiaphas's house, had condemned Jesus to death, Jesus, escorted
by a howling mob, was sent to Pilate for execution.
Now, for his own sake and for Rome's sake, Pilate did not want to
execute him. Pilate was little interested in the fisherman and
greatly interested in peace and order. What cared Pilate for a
man's life?--for many men's lives? The school of Rome was iron, and
the governors sent out by Rome to rule conquered peoples were
likewise iron. Pilate thought and acted in governmental
abstractions. Yet, look: when Pilate went out scowling to meet the
mob that had fetched the fisherman, he fell immediately under the
charm of the man.
I was present. I know. It was the first time Pilate had ever seen
him. Pilate went out angry. Our soldiers were in readiness to
clear the court of its noisy vermin. And immediately Pilate laid
eyes on the fisherman Pilate was subdued--nay, was solicitous. He
disclaimed jurisdiction, demanded that they should judge the
fisherman by their law and deal with him by their law, since the
fisherman was a Jew and not a Roman. Never were there Jews so
obedient to Roman rule. They cried out that it was unlawful, under
Rome, for them to put any man to death. Yet Antipas had beheaded
John and come to no grief of it.
And Pilate left them in the court, open under the sky, and took
Jesus alone into the judgment hall. What happened therein I know
not, save that when Pilate emerged he was changed. Whereas before
he had been disinclined to execute because he would not be made a
catspaw to Hanan, he was now disinclined to execute because of
regard for the fisherman. His effort now was to save the fisherman.
And all the while the mob cried: "Crucify him! Crucify him!"
You, my reader, know the sincerity of Pilate's effort. You know how
he tried to befool the mob, first by mocking Jesus as a harmless
fool; and second by offering to release him according to the custom
of releasing one prisoner at time of the Passover. And you know how
the priests' quick whisperings led the mob to cry out for the
release of the murderer Bar-Abba.
In vain Pilate struggled against the fate being thrust upon him by
the priests. By sneer and jibe he hoped to make a farce of the
transaction. He laughingly called Jesus the King of the Jews and
ordered him to be scourged. His hope was that all would end in
laughter and in laugher be forgotten.
I am glad to say that no Roman soldiers took part in what followed.
It was the soldiers of the auxiliaries who crowned and cloaked
Jesus, put the reed of sovereignty in his hand, and, kneeling,
hailed him King of the Jews. Although it failed, it was a play to
placate. And I, looking on, learned the charm of Jesus. Despite
the cruel mockery of situation, he was regal. And I was quiet as I
gazed. It was his own quiet that went into me. I was soothed and
satisfied, and was without bewilderment. This thing had to be. All
was well. The serenity of Jesus in the heart of the tumult and pain
became my serenity. I was scarce moved by any thought to save him.
On the other hand, I had gazed on too many wonders of the human in
my wild and varied years to be affected to foolish acts by this
particular wonder. I was all serenity. I had no word to say. I
had no judgment to pass. I knew that things were occurring beyond
my comprehension, and that they must occur.
Still Pilate struggled. The tumult increased. The cry for blood
rang through the court, and all were clamouring for crucifixion.
Again Pilate went back into the judgment hall. His effort at a
farce having failed, he attempted to disclaim jurisdiction. Jesus
was not of Jerusalem. He was a born subject of Antipas, and to
Antipas Pilate was for sending Jesus.
But the uproar was by now communicating itself to the city. Our
troops outside the palace were being swept away in the vast street
mob. Rioting had begun that in the flash of an eye could turn into
civil war and revolution. My own twenty legionaries were close to
hand and in readiness. They loved the fanatic Jews no more than did
I, and would have welcomed my command to clear the court with naked
steel.
When Pilate came out again his words for Antipas' jurisdiction could
not be heard, for all the mob was shouting that Pilate was a
traitor, that if he let the fisherman go he was no friend of
Tiberius. Close before me, as I leaned against the wall, a mangy,
bearded, long-haired fanatic sprang up and down unceasingly, and
unceasingly chanted: "Tiberius is emperor; there is no king!
Tiberius is emperor; there is no king!" I lost patience. The man's
near noise was an offence. Lurching sidewise, as if by accident, I
ground my foot on his to a terrible crushing. The fool seemed not
to notice. He was too mad to be aware of the pain, and he continued
to chant: "Tiberius is emperor; there is no king!"
I saw Pilate hesitate. Pilate, the Roman governor, for the moment
was Pilate the man, with a man's anger against the miserable
creatures clamouring for the blood of so sweet and simple, brave and
good a spirit as this Jesus.
I saw Pilate hesitate. His gaze roved to me, as if he were about to
signal to me to let loose; and I half-started forward, releasing the
mangled foot under my foot. I was for leaping to complete that
half-formed wish of Pilate and to sweep away in blood and cleanse
the court of the wretched scum that howled in it.
It was not Pilate's indecision that decided me. It was this Jesus
that decided Pilate and me. This Jesus looked at me. He commanded
me. I tell you this vagrant fisherman, this wandering preacher,
this piece of driftage from Galilee, commanded me. No word he
uttered. Yet his command was there, unmistakable as a trumpet call.
And I stayed my foot, and held my hand, for who was I to thwart the
will and way of so greatly serene and sweetly sure a man as this?
And as I stayed I knew all the charm of him--all that in him had
charmed Miriam and Pilate's wife, that had charmed Pilate himself.
You know the rest. Pilate washed his hands of Jesus' blood, and the
rioters took his blood upon their own heads. Pilate gave orders for
the crucifixion. The mob was content, and content, behind the mob,
were Caiaphas, Hanan, and the Sanhedrim. Not Pilate, not Tiberius,
not Roman soldiers crucified Jesus. It was the priestly rulers and
priestly politicians of Jerusalem. I saw. I know. And against his
own best interests Pilate would have saved Jesus, as I would have,
had it not been that no other than Jesus himself willed that he was
not to be saved.
Yes, and Pilate had his last sneer at this people he detested. In
Hebrew, Greek, and Latin he had a writing affixed to Jesus' cross
which read, "The King of the Jews." In vain the priests complained.
It was on this very pretext that they had forced Pilate's hand; and
by this pretext, a scorn and insult to the Jewish race, Pilate
abided. Pilate executed an abstraction that had never existed in
the real. The abstraction was a cheat and a lie manufactured in the
priestly mind. Neither the priests nor Pilate believed it. Jesus
denied it. That abstraction was "The King of the Jews."
The storm was over in the courtyard. The excitement had simmered
down. Revolution had been averted. The priests were content, the
mob was satisfied, and Pilate and I were well disgusted and weary
with the whole affair. And yet for him and me was more and most
immediate storm. Before Jesus was taken away one of Miriam's women
called me to her. And I saw Pilate, summoned by one of his wife's
women, likewise obey.
"Oh, Lodbrog, I have heard," Miriam met me. We were alone, and she
was close to me, seeking shelter and strength within my arms.
"Pilate has weakened. He is going to crucify Him. But there is
time. Your own men are ready. Ride with them. Only a centurion
and a handful of soldiers are with Him. They have not yet started.
As soon as they do start, follow. They must not reach Golgotha.
But wait until they are outside the city wall. Then countermand the
order. Take an extra horse for Him to ride. The rest is easy.
Ride away into Syria with Him, or into Idumaea, or anywhere so long
as He be saved."
She concluded with her arms around my neck, her face upturned to
mine and temptingly close, her eyes greatly solemn and greatly
promising.
Small wonder I was slow of speech. For the moment there was but one
thought in my brain. After all the strange play I had seen played
out, to have this come upon me! I did not misunderstand. The thing
was clear. A great woman was mine if . . . if I betrayed Rome. For
Pilate was governor, his order had gone forth; and his voice was the
voice of Rome.
As I have said, it was the woman of her, her sheer womanliness, that
betrayed Miriam and me in the end. Always she had been so clear, so
reasonable, so certain of herself and me, so that I had forgotten,
or, rather, I there learned once again the eternal lesson learned in
all lives, that woman is ever woman . . . that in great decisive
moments woman does not reason but feels; that the last sanctuary and
innermost pulse to conduct is in woman's heart and not in woman's
head.
Miriam misunderstood my silence, for her body moved softly within my
arms as she added, as if in afterthought:
"Take two spare horses, Lodbrog. I shall ride the other . . . with
you . . . with you, away over the world, wherever you may ride."
It was a bribe of kings; it was an act, paltry and contemptible,
that was demanded of me in return. Still I did not speak. It was
not that I was in confusion or in any doubt. I was merely sad--
greatly and suddenly sad, in that I knew I held in my arms what I
would never hold again.
"There is but one man in Jerusalem this day who can save Him," she
urged, "and that man is you, Lodbrog."
Because I did not immediately reply she shook me, as if in impulse
to clarify wits she considered addled. She shook me till my harness
rattled.
"Speak, Lodbrog, speak!" she commanded. "You are strong and
unafraid. You are all man. I know you despise the vermin who would
destroy Him. You, you alone can save Him. You have but to say the
word and the thing is done; and I will well love you and always love
you for the thing you have done."
"I am a Roman," I said slowly, knowing full well that with the words
I gave up all hope of her.
"You are a man-slave of Tiberius, a hound of Rome," she flamed, "but
you owe Rome nothing, for you are not a Roman. You yellow giants of
the north are not Romans."
"The Romans are the elder brothers of us younglings of the north," I
answered. "Also, I wear the harness and I eat the bread of Rome."
Gently I added: "But why all this fuss and fury for a mere man's
life? All men must die. Simple and easy it is to die. To-day, or
a hundred years, it little matters. Sure we are, all of us, of the
same event in the end."
Quick she was, and alive with passion to save as she thrilled within
my arms.
"You do not understand, Lodbrog. This is no mere man. I tell you
this is a man beyond men--a living God, not of men, but over men."
I held her closely and knew that I was renouncing all the sweet
woman of her as I said:
"We are man and woman, you and I. Our life is of this world. Of
these other worlds is all a madness. Let these mad dreamers go the
way of their dreaming. Deny them not what they desire above all
things, above meat and wine, above song and battle, even above love
of woman. Deny them not their hearts' desires that draw them across
the dark of the grave to their dreams of lives beyond this world.
Let them pass. But you and I abide here in all the sweet we have
discovered of each other. Quickly enough will come the dark, and
you depart for your coasts of sun and flowers, and I for the roaring
table of Valhalla."
"No! no!" she cried, half-tearing herself away. "You do not
understand. All of greatness, all of goodness, all of God are in
this man who is more than man; and it is a shameful death to die.
Only slaves and thieves so die. He is neither slave nor thief. He
is an immortal. He is God. Truly I tell you He is God."
"He is immortal you say," I contended. "Then to die to-day on
Golgotha will not shorten his immortality by a hair's breadth in the
span of time. He is a god you say. Gods cannot die. From all I
have been told of them, it is certain that gods cannot die."
"Oh!" she cried. "You will not understand. You are only a great
giant thing of flesh."
"Is it not said that this event was prophesied of old time?" I
queried, for I had been learning from the Jews what I deemed their
subtleties of thinking.
"Yes, yes," she agreed, "the Messianic prophecies. This is the
Messiah."
"Then who am I," I asked, "to make liars of the prophets? to make of
the Messiah a false Messiah? Is the prophecy of your people so
feeble a thing that I, a stupid stranger, a yellow northling in the
Roman harness, can give the lie to prophecy and compel to be
unfulfilled--the very thing willed by the gods and foretold by the
wise men?"
"You do not understand," she repeated.
"I understand too well," I replied. "Am I greater than the gods
that I may thwart the will of the gods? Then are gods vain things
and the playthings of men. I am a man. I, too, bow to the gods, to
all gods, for I do believe in all gods, else how came all gods to
be?"
She flung herself so that my hungry arms were empty of her, and we
stood apart and listened to the uproar of the street as Jesus and
the soldiers emerged and started on their way. And my heart was
sore in that so great a woman could be so foolish. She would save
God. She would make herself greater than God.
"You do not love me," she said slowly, and slowly grew in her eyes a
promise of herself too deep and wide for any words.
"I love you beyond your understanding, it seems," was my reply. "I
am proud to love you, for I know I am worthy to love you and am
worth all love you may give me. But Rome is my foster-mother, and
were I untrue to her, of little pride, of little worth would be my
love for you."
The uproar that followed about Jesus and the soldiers died away
along the street. And when there was no further sound of it Miriam
turned to go, with neither word nor look for me.
I knew one last rush of mad hunger for her. I sprang and seized
her. I would horse her and ride away with her and my men into Syria
away from this cursed city of folly. She struggled. I crushed her.
She struck me on the face, and I continued to hold and crush her,
for the blows were sweet. And there she ceased to struggle. She
became cold and motionless, so that I knew there was no woman's love
that my arms girdled. For me she was dead. Slowly I let go of her.
Slowly she stepped back. As if she did not see me she turned and
went away across the quiet room, and without looking back passed
through the hangings and was gone.
I, Ragnar Lodbrog, never came to read nor write. But in my days I
have listened to great talk. As I see it now, I never learned great
talk, such as that of the Jews, learned in their law, nor such as
that of the Romans, learned in their philosophy and in the
philosophy of the Greeks. Yet have I talked in simplicity and
straightness, as a man may well talk who has lived life from the
ships of Tostig Lodbrog and the roof of Brunanbuhr across the world
to Jerusalem and back again. And straight talk and simple I gave
Sulpicius Quirinius, when I went away into Syria to report to him of
the various matters that had been at issue in Jerusalem.
CHAPTER XVIII
Suspended animation is nothing new, not alone in the vegetable world
and in the lower forms of animal life, but in the highly evolved,
complex organism of man himself. A cataleptic trance is a
cataleptic trance, no matter how induced. From time immemorial the
fakir of India has been able voluntarily to induce such states in
himself. It is an old trick of the fakirs to have themselves buried
alive. Other men, in similar trances, have misled the physicians,
who pronounced them dead and gave the orders that put them alive
under the ground.
As my jacket experiences in San Quentin continued I dwelt not a
little on this problem of suspended animation. I remembered having
read that the far northern Siberian peasants made a practice of
hibernating through the long winters just as bears and other wild
animals do. Some scientist studied these peasants and found that
during these periods of the "long sleep" respiration and digestion
practically ceased, and that the heart was at so low tension as to
defy detection by ordinary layman's examination.
In such a trance the bodily processes are so near to absolute
suspension that the air and food consumed are practically
negligible. On this reasoning, partly, was based my defiance of
Warden Atherton and Doctor Jackson. It was thus that I dared
challenge them to give me a hundred days in the jacket. And they
did not dare accept my challenge.
Nevertheless I did manage to do without water, as well as food,
during my ten-days' bouts. I found it an intolerable nuisance, in
the deeps of dream across space and time, to be haled back to the
sordid present by a despicable prison doctor pressing water to my
lips. So I warned Doctor Jackson, first, that I intended doing
without water while in the jacket; and next, that I would resist any
efforts to compel me to drink.
Of course we had our little struggle; but after several attempts
Doctor Jackson gave it up. Thereafter the space occupied in Darrell
Standing's life by a jacket-bout was scarcely more than a few ticks
of the clock. Immediately I was laced I devoted myself to inducing
the little death. From practice it became simple and easy. I
suspended animation and consciousness so quickly that I escaped the
really terrible suffering consequent upon suspending circulation.
Most quickly came the dark. And the next I, Darrell Standing, knew
was the light again, the faces bending over me as I was unlaced, and
the knowledge that ten days had passed in the twinkling of an eye.
But oh, the wonder and the glory of those ten days spent by me
elsewhere! The journeys through the long chain of existences! The
long darks, the growings of nebulous lights, and the fluttering
apparitional selves that dawned through the growing light!
Much have I pondered upon the relation of these other selves to me,
and of the relation of the total experience to the modern doctrine
of evolution. I can truly say that my experience is in complete
accord with our conclusions of evolution.
I, like any man, am a growth. I did not begin when I was born nor
when I was conceived. I have been growing, developing, through
incalculable myriads of millenniums. All these experiences of all
these lives, and of countless other lives, have gone to the making
of the soul-stuff or the spirit-stuff that is I. Don't you see?
They are the stuff of me. Matter does not remember, for spirit is
memory. I am this spirit compounded of the memories of my endless
incarnations.
Whence came in me, Darrell Standing, the red pulse of wrath that has
wrecked my life and put me in the condemned cells? Surely it did
not come into being, was not created, when the babe that was to be
Darrell Standing was conceived. That old red wrath is far older
than my mother, far older than the oldest and first mother of men.
My mother, at my inception, did not create that passionate lack of
fear that is mine. Not all the mothers of the whole evolution of
men manufactured fear or fearlessness in men. Far back beyond the
first men were fear and fearlessness, love, hatred, anger, all the
emotions, growing, developing, becoming the stuff that was to become
men.
I am all of my past, as every protagonist of the Mendelian law must
agree. All my previous selves have their voices, echoes, promptings
in me. My every mode of action, heat of passion, flicker of thought
is shaded, toned, infinitesimally shaded and toned, by that vast
array of other selves that preceded me and went into the making of
me.
The stuff of life is plastic. At the same time this stuff never
forgets. Mould it as you will, the old memories persist. All
manner of horses, from ton Shires to dwarf Shetlands, have been bred
up and down from those first wild ponies domesticated by primitive
man. Yet to this day man has not bred out the kick of the horse.
And I, who am composed of those first horse-tamers, have not had
their red anger bred out of me.
I am man born of woman. My days are few, but the stuff of me is
indestructible. I have been woman born of woman. I have been a
woman and borne my children. And I shall be born again. Oh,
incalculable times again shall I be born; and yet the stupid dolts
about me think that by stretching my neck with a rope they will make
me cease.
Yes, I shall be hanged . . . soon. This is the end of June. In a
little while they will try to befool me. They will take me from
this cell to the bath, according to the prison custom of the weekly
bath. But I shall not be brought back to this cell. I shall be
dressed outright in fresh clothes and be taken to the death-cell.
There they will place the death-watch on me. Night or day, waking
or sleeping, I shall be watched. I shall not be permitted to put my
head under the blankets for fear I may anticipate the State by
choking myself.
Always bright light will blaze upon me. And then, when they have
well wearied me, they will lead me out one morning in a shirt
without a collar and drop me through the trap. Oh, I know. The
rope they will do it with is well-stretched. For many a month now
the hangman of Folsom has been stretching it with heavy weights so
as to take the spring out of it.
Yes, I shall drop far. They have cunning tables of calculations,
like interest tables, that show the distance of the drop in relation
to the victim's weight. I am so emaciated that they will have to
drop me far in order to break my neck. And then the onlookers will
take their hats off, and as I swing the doctors will press their
ears to my chest to count my fading heartbeats, and at last they
will say that I am dead.
It is grotesque. It is the ridiculous effrontery of men-maggots who
think they can kill me. I cannot die. I am immortal, as they are
immortal; the difference is that I know it and they do not know it.
Pah! I was once a hangman, or an executioner, rather. Well I
remember it! I used the sword, not the rope. The sword is the
braver way, although all ways are equally inefficacious. Forsooth,
as if spirit could be thrust through with steel or throttled by a
rope!
CHAPTER XIX
Next to Oppenheimer and Morrell, who rotted with me through the
years of darkness, I was considered the most dangerous prisoner in
San Quentin. On the other hand I was considered the toughest--
tougher even than Oppenheimer and Morrell. Of course by toughness I
mean enduringness. Terrible as were the attempts to break them in
body and in spirit, more terrible were the attempts to break me.
And I endured. Dynamite or curtains had been Warden Atherton's
ultimatum. And in the end it was neither. I could not produce the
dynamite, and Warden Atherton could not induce the curtains.
It was not because my body was enduring, but because my spirit was
enduring. And it was because, in earlier existences, my spirit had
been wrought to steel-hardness by steel-hard experiences. There was
one experience that for long was a sort of nightmare to me. It had
neither beginning nor end. Always I found myself on a rocky, surge-
battered islet so low that in storms the salt spray swept over its
highest point. It rained much. I lived in a lair and suffered
greatly, for I was without fire and lived on uncooked meat.
Always I suffered. It was the middle of some experience to which I
could get no clue. And since, when I went into the little death I
had no power of directing my journeys, I often found myself reliving
this particularly detestable experience. My only happy moments were
when the sun shone, at which times I basked on the rocks and thawed
out the almost perpetual chill I suffered.
My one diversion was an oar and a jackknife. Upon this oar I spent
much time, carving minute letters and cutting a notch for each week
that passed. There were many notches. I sharpened the knife on a
flat piece of rock, and no barber was ever more careful of his
favourite razor than was I of that knife. Nor did ever a miser
prize his treasure as did I prize the knife. It was as precious as
my life. In truth, it was my life.
By many repetitions, I managed to bring back out of the jacket the
legend that was carved on the oar. At first I could bring but
little. Later, it grew easier, a matter of piecing portions
together. And at last I had the thing complete. Here it is:
This is to acquaint the person into whose hands this Oar may fall,
that Daniel Foss, a native of Elkton, in Maryland, one of the United
States of America, and who sailed from the port of Philadelphia, in
1809, on board the brig Negociator, bound to the Friendly Islands,
was cast upon this desolate island the February following, where he
erected a hut and lived a number of years, subsisting on seals--he
being the last who survived of the crew of said brig, which ran foul
of an island of ice, and foundered on the 25th Nov. 1809.
There it was, quite clear. By this means I learned a lot about
myself. One vexed point, however, I never did succeed in clearing
up. Was this island situated in the far South Pacific or the far
South Atlantic? I do not know enough of sailing-ship tracks to be
certain whether the brig Negociator would sail for the Friendly
Islands via Cape Horn or via the Cape of Good Hope. To confess my
own ignorance, not until after I was transferred to Folsom did I
learn in which ocean were the Friendly Islands. The Japanese
murderer, whom I have mentioned before, had been a sailmaker on
board the Arthur Sewall ships, and he told me that the probable
sailing course would be by way of the Cape of Good Hope. If this
were so, then the dates of sailing from Philadelphia and of being
wrecked would easily determine which ocean. Unfortunately, the
sailing date is merely 1809. The wreck might as likely have
occurred in one ocean as the other.
Only once did I, in my trances, get a hint of the period preceding
the time spent on the island. This begins at the moment of the
brig's collision with the iceberg, and I shall narrate it, if for no
other reason, at least to give an account of my curiously cool and
deliberate conduct. This conduct at this time, as you shall see,
was what enabled me in the end to survive alone of all the ship's
company.
I was awakened, in my bunk in the forecastle, by a terrific crash.
In fact, as was true of the other six sleeping men of the watch
below, awaking and leaping from bunk to floor were simultaneous. We
knew what had happened. The others waited for nothing, rushing only
partly clad upon deck. But I knew what to expect, and I did wait.
I knew that if we escaped at all, it would be by the longboat. No
man could swim in so freezing a sea. And no man, thinly clad, could
live long in the open boat. Also, I knew just about how long it
would take to launch the boat.
So, by the light of the wildly swinging slush-lamp, to the tumult on
deck and to cries of "She's sinking!" I proceeded to ransack my sea-
chest for suitable garments. Also, since they would never use them
again, I ransacked the sea chests of my shipmates. Working quickly
but collectedly, I took nothing but the warmest and stoutest of
clothes. I put on the four best woollen shirts the forecastle
boasted, three pairs of pants, and three pairs of thick woollen
socks. So large were my feet thus incased that I could not put on
my own good boots. Instead, I thrust on Nicholas Wilton's new
boots, which were larger and even stouter than mine. Also, I put on
Jeremy Nalor's pea jacket over my own, and, outside of both, put on
Seth Richard's thick canvas coat which I remembered he had fresh-
oiled only a short while previous.
Two pairs of heavy mittens, John Robert's muffler which his mother
had knitted for him, and Joseph Dawes' beaver cap atop my own, both
bearing ear-and neck-flaps, completed my outfitting. The shouts
that the brig was sinking redoubled, but I took a minute longer to
fill my pockets with all the plug tobacco I could lay hands on.
Then I climbed out on deck, and not a moment too soon.
The moon, bursting through a crack of cloud, showed a bleak and
savage picture. Everywhere was wrecked gear, and everywhere was
ice. The sails, ropes, and spars of the mainmast, which was still
standing, were fringed with icicles; and there came over me a
feeling almost of relief in that never again should I have to pull
and haul on the stiff tackles and hammer ice so that the frozen
ropes could run through the frozen shivs. The wind, blowing half a
gale, cut with the sharpness that is a sign of the proximity of
icebergs; and the big seas were bitter cold to look upon in the
moonlight.
The longboat was lowering away to larboard, and I saw men,
struggling on the ice-sheeted deck with barrels of provisions,
abandon the food in their haste to get away. In vain Captain
Nicholl strove with them. A sea, breaching across from windward,
settled the matter and sent them leaping over the rail in heaps. I
gained the captain's shoulder, and, holding on to him, I shouted in
his ear that if he would board the boat and prevent the men from
casting off, I would attend to the provisioning.
Little time was given me, however. Scarcely had I managed, helped
by the second mate, Aaron Northrup, to lower away half-a-dozen
barrels and kegs, when all cried from the boat that they were
casting off. Good reason they had. Down upon us from windward was
drifting a towering ice-mountain, while to leeward, close aboard,
was another ice-mountain upon which we were driving.
Quicker in his leap was Aaron Northrup. I delayed a moment, even as
the boat was shoving away, in order to select a spot amidships where
the men were thickest, so that their bodies might break my fall. I
was not minded to embark with a broken member on so hazardous a
voyage in the longboat. That the men might have room at the oars, I
worked my way quickly aft into the sternsheets. Certainly, I had
other and sufficient reasons. It would be more comfortable in the
sternsheets than in the narrow bow. And further, it would be well
to be near the afterguard in whatever troubles that were sure to
arise under such circumstances in the days to come.
In the sternsheets were the mate, Walter Drake, the surgeon, Arnold
Bentham, Aaron Northrup, and Captain Nicholl, who was steering. The
surgeon was bending over Northrup, who lay in the bottom groaning.
Not so fortunate had he been in his ill-considered leap, for he had
broken his right leg at the hip joint.
There was little time for him then, however, for we were labouring
in a heavy sea directly between the two ice islands that were
rushing together. Nicholas Wilton, at the stroke oar, was cramped
for room; so I better stowed the barrels, and, kneeling and facing
him, was able to add my weight to the oar. For'ard, I could see
John Roberts straining at the bow oar. Pulling on his shoulders
from behind, Arthur Haskins and the boy, Benny Hardwater, added
their weight to his. In fact, so eager were all hands to help that
more than one was thus in the way and cluttered the movements of the
rowers.
It was close work, but we went clear by a matter of a hundred yards,
so that I was able to turn my head and see the untimely end of the
Negociator. She was caught squarely in the pinch and she was
squeezed between the ice as a sugar plum might be squeezed between
thumb and forefinger of a boy. In the shouting of the wind and the
roar of water we heard nothing, although the crack of the brig's
stout ribs and deckbeams must have been enough to waken a hamlet on
a peaceful night.
Silently, easily, the brig's sides squeezed together, the deck
bulged up, and the crushed remnant dropped down and was gone, while
where she had been was occupied by the grinding conflict of the ice-
islands. I felt regret at the destruction of this haven against the
elements, but at the same time was well pleased at thought of my
snugness inside my four shirts and three coats.
Yet it proved a bitter night, even for me. I was the warmest clad
in the boat. What the others must have suffered I did not care to
dwell upon over much. For fear that we might meet up with more ice
in the darkness, we bailed and held the boat bow-on to the seas.
And continually, now with one mitten, now with the other, I rubbed
my nose that it might not freeze. Also, with memories lively in me
of the home circle in Elkton, I prayed to God.
In the morning we took stock. To commence with, all but two or
three had suffered frost-bite. Aaron Northrup, unable to move
because of his broken hip, was very bad. It was the surgeon's
opinion that both of Northrup's feet were hopelessly frozen.
The longboat was deep and heavy in the water, for it was burdened by
the entire ship's company of twenty-one. Two of these were boys.
Benny Hardwater was a bare thirteen, and Lish Dickery, whose family
was near neighbour to mine in Elkton, was just turned sixteen. Our
provisions consisted of three hundred-weight of beef and two
hundred-weight of pork. The half-dozen loaves of brine-pulped
bread, which the cook had brought, did not count. Then there were
three small barrels of water and one small keg of beer.
Captain Nicholl frankly admitted that in this uncharted ocean he had
no knowledge of any near land. The one thing to do was to run for
more clement climate, which we accordingly did, setting our small
sail and steering quartering before the fresh wind to the north-
east.
The food problem was simple arithmetic. We did not count Aaron
Northrup, for we knew he would soon be gone. At a pound per day,
our five hundred pounds would last us twenty-five days; at half a
pound, it would last fifty. So half a pound had it. I divided and
issued the meat under the captain's eyes, and managed it fairly
enough, God knows, although some of the men grumbled from the first.
Also, from time to time I made fair division among the men of the
plug tobacco I had stowed in my many pockets--a thing which I could
not but regret, especially when I knew it was being wasted on this
man and that who I was certain could not live a day more, or, at
best, two days or three.
For we began to die soon in the open boat. Not to starvation but to
the killing cold and exposure were those earlier deaths due. It was
a matter of the survival of the toughest and the luckiest. I was
tough by constitution, and lucky inasmuch as I was warmly clad and
had not broken my leg like Aaron Northrup. Even so, so strong was
he that, despite being the first to be severely frozen, he was days
in passing. Vance Hathaway was the first. We found him in the gray
of dawn crouched doubled in the bow and frozen stiff. The boy, Lish
Dickery, was the second to go. The other boy, Benny Hardwater,
lasted ten or a dozen days.
So bitter was it in the boat that our water and beer froze solid,
and it was a difficult task justly to apportion the pieces I broke
off with Northrup's claspknife. These pieces we put in our mouths
and sucked till they melted. Also, on occasion of snow-squalls, we
had all the snow we desired. All of which was not good for us,
causing a fever of inflammation to attack our mouths so that the
membranes were continually dry and burning. And there was no
allaying a thirst so generated. To suck more ice or snow was merely
to aggravate the inflammation. More than anything else, I think it
was this that caused the death of Lish Dickery. He was out of his
head and raving for twenty-four hours before he died. He died
babbling for water, and yet he did not die for need of water. I
resisted as much as possible the temptation to suck ice, contenting
myself with a shred of tobacco in my cheek, and made out with fair
comfort.
We stripped all clothing from our dead. Stark they came into the
world, and stark they passed out over the side of the longboat and
down into the dark freezing ocean. Lots were cast for the clothes.
This was by Captain Nicholl's command, in order to prevent
quarrelling.
It was no time for the follies of sentiment. There was not one of
us who did not know secret satisfaction at the occurrence of each
death. Luckiest of all was Israel Stickney in casting lots, so that
in the end, when he passed, he was a veritable treasure trove of
clothing. It gave a new lease of life to the survivors.
We continued to run to the north-east before the fresh westerlies,
but our quest for warmer weather seemed vain. Ever the spray froze
in the bottom of the boat, and I still chipped beer and drinking
water with Northrup's knife. My own knife I reserved. It was of
good steel, with a keen edge and stoutly fashioned, and I did not
care to peril it in such manner.
By the time half our company was overboard, the boat had a
reasonably high freeboard and was less ticklish to handle in the
gusts. Likewise there was more room for a man to stretch out
comfortably.
A source of continual grumbling was the food. The captain, the
mate, the surgeon, and myself, talking it over, resolved not to
increase the daily whack of half a pound of meat. The six sailors,
for whom Tobias Snow made himself spokesman, contended that the
death of half of us was equivalent to a doubling of our
provisioning, and that therefore the ration should be increased to a
pound. In reply, we of the afterguard pointed out that it was our
chance for life that was doubled did we but bear with the half-pound
ration.
It is true that eight ounces of salt meat did not go far in enabling
us to live and to resist the severe cold. We were quite weak, and,
because of our weakness, we frosted easily. Noses and cheeks were
all black with frost-bite. It was impossible to be warm, although
we now had double the garments we had started with.
Five weeks after the loss of the Negociator the trouble over the
food came to a head. I was asleep at the time--it was night--when
Captain Nicholl caught Jud Hetchkins stealing from the pork barrel.
That he was abetted by the other five men was proved by their
actions. Immediately Jud Hetchkins was discovered, the whole six
threw themselves upon us with their knives. It was close, sharp
work in the dim light of the stars, and it was a mercy the boat was
not overturned. I had reason to be thankful for my many shirts and
coats which served me as an armour. The knife-thrusts scarcely more
than drew blood through the so great thickness of cloth, although I
was scratched to bleeding in a round dozen of places.
The others were similarly protected, and the fight would have ended
in no more than a mauling all around, had not the mate, Walter
Dakon, a very powerful man, hit upon the idea of ending the matter
by tossing the mutineers overboard. This was joined in by Captain
Nicholl, the surgeon, and myself, and in a trice five of the six
were in the water and clinging to the gunwale. Captain Nicholl and
the surgeon were busy amidships with the sixth, Jeremy Nalor, and
were in the act of throwing him overboard, while the mate was
occupied with rapping the fingers along the gunwale with a boat-
stretcher. For the moment I had nothing to do, and so was able to
observe the tragic end of the mate. As he lifted the stretcher to
rap Seth Richards' fingers, the latter, sinking down low in the
water and then jerking himself up by both hands, sprang half into
the boat, locked his arms about the mate and, falling backward and
outboard, dragged the mate with him. Doubtlessly he never relaxed
his grip, and both drowned together.
Thus left alive of the entire ship's company were three of us:
Captain Nicholl, Arnold Bentham (the surgeon), and myself. Seven
had gone in the twinkling of an eye, consequent on Jud Hetchkins'
attempt to steal provisions. And to me it seemed a pity that so
much good warm clothing had been wasted there in the sea. There was
not one of us who could not have managed gratefully with more.
Captain Nicholl and the surgeon were good men and honest. Often
enough, when two of us slept, the one awake and steering could have
stolen from the meat. But this never happened. We trusted one
another fully, and we would have died rather than betray that trust.
We continued to content ourselves with half a pound of meat each per
day, and we took advantage of every favouring breeze to work to the
north'ard. Not until January fourteenth, seven weeks since the
wreck, did we come up with a warmer latitude. Even then it was not
really warm. It was merely not so bitterly cold.
Here the fresh westerlies forsook us and we bobbed and blobbed about
in doldrummy weather for many days. Mostly it was calm, or light
contrary winds, though sometimes a burst of breeze, as like as not
from dead ahead, would last for a few hours. In our weakened
condition, with so large a boat, it was out of the question to row.
We could merely hoard our food and wait for God to show a more
kindly face. The three of us were faithful Christians, and we made
a practice of prayer each day before the apportionment of food.
Yes, and each of us prayed privately, often and long.
By the end of January our food was near its end. The pork was
entirely gone, and we used the barrel for catching and storing
rainwater. Not many pounds of beef remained. And in all the nine
weeks in the open boat we had raised no sail and glimpsed no land.
Captain Nicholl frankly admitted that after sixty-three days of dead
reckoning he did not know where we were.
The twentieth of February saw the last morsel of food eaten. I
prefer to skip the details of much that happened in the next eight
days. I shall touch only on the incidents that serve to show what
manner of men were my companions. We had starved so long, that we
had no reserves of strength on which to draw when the food utterly
ceased, and we grew weaker with great rapidity.
On February twenty-fourth we calmly talked the situation over. We
were three stout-spirited men, full of life and toughness, and we
did not want to die. No one of us would volunteer to sacrifice
himself for the other two. But we agreed on three things: we must
have food; we must decide the matter by casting lots; and we would
cast the lots next morning if there were no wind.
Next morning there was wind, not much of it, but fair, so that we
were able to log a sluggish two knots on our northerly course. The
mornings of the twenty-sixth and twenty-seventh found us with a
similar breeze. We were fearfully weak, but we abided by our
decision and continued to sail.
But with the morning of the twenty-eighth we knew the time was come.
The longboat rolled drearily on an empty, windless sea, and the
stagnant, overcast sky gave no promise of any breeze. I cut three
pieces of cloth, all of a size, from my jacket. In the ravel of one
of these pieces was a bit of brown thread. Whoever drew this lost.
I then put the three lots into my hat, covering it with Captain
Nicholl's hat.
All was ready, but we delayed for a time while each prayed silently
and long, for we knew that we were leaving the decision to God. I
was not unaware of my own honesty and worth; but I was equally aware
of the honesty and worth of my companions, so that it perplexed me
how God could decide so fine-balanced and delicate a matter.
The captain, as was his right and due, drew first. After his hand
was in the hat he delayed for sometime with closed eyes, his lips
moving a last prayer. And he drew a blank. This was right--a true
decision I could not but admit to myself; for Captain Nicholl's life
was largely known to me and I knew him to be honest, upright, and
God-fearing.
Remained the surgeon and me. It was one or the other, and,
according to ship's rating, it was his due to draw next. Again we
prayed. As I prayed I strove to quest back in my life and cast a
hurried tally-sheet of my own worth and unworth.
I held the hat on my knees with Captain Nicholl's hat over it. The
surgeon thrust in his hand and fumbled about for some time, while I
wondered whether the feel of that one brown thread could be detected
from the rest of the ravel.
At last he withdrew his hand. The brown thread was in his piece of
cloth. I was instantly very humble and very grateful for God's
blessing thus extended to me; and I resolved to keep more faithfully
than ever all of His commandments. The next moment I could not help
but feel that the surgeon and the captain were pledged to each other
by closer ties of position and intercourse than with me, and that
they were in a measure disappointed with the outcome. And close
with that thought ran the conviction that they were such true men
that the outcome would not interfere with the plan arranged.
I was right. The surgeon bared arm and knife and prepared to open a
great vein. First, however, he spoke a few words.
"I am a native of Norfolk in the Virginias," he said, "where I
expect I have now a wife and three children living. The only favour
that I have to request of you is, that should it please God to
deliver either of you from your perilous situation, and should you
be so fortunate as to reach once more your native country, that you
would acquaint my unfortunate family with my wretched fate."
Next he requested courteously of us a few minutes in which to
arrange his affairs with God. Neither Captain Nicholl nor I could
utter a word, but with streaming eyes we nodded our consent.
Without doubt Arnold Bentham was the best collected of the three of
us. My own anguish was prodigious, and I am confident that Captain
Nicholl suffered equally. But what was one to do? The thing was
fair and proper and had been decided by God.
But when Arnold Bentham had completed his last arrangements and made
ready to do the act, I could contain myself no longer, and cried
out:
"Wait! We who have endured so much surely can endure a little more.
It is now mid-morning. Let us wait until twilight. Then, if no
event has appeared to change our dreadful destiny, do you Arnold
Bentham, do as we have agreed."
He looked to Captain Nicholl for confirmation of my suggestion, and
Captain Nicholl could only nod. He could utter no word, but in his
moist and frosty blue eyes was a wealth of acknowledgment I could
not misread.
I did not, I could not, deem it a crime, having so determined by
fair drawing of lots, that Captain Nicholl and myself should profit
by the death of Arnold Bentham. I could not believe that the love
of life that actuated us had been implanted in our breasts by aught
other than God. It was God's will, and we His poor creatures could
only obey and fulfil His will. And yet, God was kind. In His all-
kindness He saved us from so terrible, though so righteous, an act.
Scarce had a quarter of an hour passed, when a fan of air from the
west, with a hint of frost and damp in it, crisped on our cheeks.
In another five minutes we had steerage from the filled sail, and
Arnold Bentham was at the steering sweep.
"Save what little strength you have," he had said. "Let me consume
the little strength left in me in order that it may increase your
chance to survive."
And so he steered to a freshening breeze, while Captain Nicholl and
I lay sprawled in the boat's bottom and in our weakness dreamed
dreams and glimpsed visions of the dear things of life far across
the world from us.
It was an ever-freshening breeze of wind that soon began to puff and
gust. The cloud stuff flying across the sky foretold us of a gale.
By midday Arnold Bentham fainted at the steering, and, ere the boat
could broach in the tidy sea already running, Captain Nicholl and I
were at the steering sweep with all the four of our weak hands upon
it. We came to an agreement, and, just as Captain Nicholl had drawn
the first lot by virtue of his office, so now he took the first
spell at steering. Thereafter the three of us spelled one another
every fifteen minutes. We were very weak and we could not spell
longer at a time.
By mid-afternoon a dangerous sea was running. We should have
rounded the boat to, had our situation not been so desperate, and
let her drift bow-on to a sea-anchor extemporized of our mast and
sail. Had we broached in those great, over-topping seas, the boat
would have been rolled over and over.
Time and again, that afternoon, Arnold Bentham, for our sakes,
begged that we come to a sea-anchor. He knew that we continued to
run only in the hope that the decree of the lots might not have to
be carried out. He was a noble man. So was Captain Nicholl noble,
whose frosty eyes had wizened to points of steel. And in such noble
company how could I be less noble? I thanked God repeatedly,
through that long afternoon of peril, for the privilege of having
known two such men. God and the right dwelt in them and no matter
what my poor fate might be, I could but feel well recompensed by
such companionship. Like them I did not want to die, yet was
unafraid to die. The quick, early doubt I had had of these two men
was long since dissipated. Hard the school, and hard the men, but
they were noble men, God's own men.
I saw it first. Arnold Bentham, his own death accepted, and Captain
Nicholl, well nigh accepting death, lay rolling like loose-bodied
dead men in the boat's bottom, and I was steering when I saw it.
The boat, foaming and surging with the swiftness of wind in its
sail, was uplifted on a crest, when, close before me, I saw the sea-
battered islet of rock. It was not half a mile off. I cried out,
so that the other two, kneeling and reeling and clutching for
support, were peering and staring at what I saw.
"Straight for it, Daniel," Captain Nicholl mumbled command. "There
may be a cove. There may be a cove. It is our only chance."
Once again he spoke, when we were atop that dreadful lee shore with
no cove existent.
"Straight for it, Daniel. If we go clear we are too weak ever to
win back against sea and wind."
He was right. I obeyed. He drew his watch and looked, and I asked
the time. It was five o'clock. He stretched out his hand to Arnold
Bentham, who met and shook it weakly; and both gazed at me, in their
eyes extending that same hand-clasp. It was farewell, I knew; for
what chance had creatures so feeble as we to win alive over those
surf-battered rocks to the higher rocks beyond?
Twenty feet from shore the boat was snatched out of my control. In
a trice it was overturned and I was strangling in the salt. I never
saw my companions again. By good fortune I was buoyed by the
steering-oar I still grasped, and by great good fortune a fling of
sea, at the right instant, at the right spot, threw me far up the
gentle slope of the one shelving rock on all that terrible shore. I
was not hurt. I was not bruised. And with brain reeling from
weakness I was able to crawl and scramble farther up beyond the
clutching backwash of the sea.
I stood upright, knowing myself saved, and thanking God, and
staggering as I stood. Already the boat was pounded to a thousand
fragments. And though I saw them not, I could guess how grievously
had been pounded the bodies of Captain Nicholl and Arnold Bentham.
I saw an oar on the edge of the foam, and at certain risk I drew it
clear. Then I fell to my knees, knowing myself fainting. And yet,
ere I fainted, with a sailor's instinct I dragged my body on and up
among the cruel hurting rocks to faint finally beyond the reach of
the sea.
I was near a dead man myself, that night, mostly in stupor, only
dimly aware at times of the extremity of cold and wet that I
endured. Morning brought me astonishment and terror. No plant, not
a blade of grass, grew on that wretched projection of rock from the
ocean's bottom. A quarter of a mile in width and a half mile in
length, it was no more than a heap of rocks. Naught could I
discover to gratify the cravings of exhausted nature. I was
consumed with thirst, yet was there no fresh water. In vain I
tasted to my mouth's undoing every cavity and depression in the
rocks. The spray of the gale so completely had enveloped every
portion of the island that every depression was filled with water
salt as the sea.
Of the boat remained nothing--not even a splinter to show that a
boat had been. I stood possessed of my garments, a stout knife, and
the one oar I had saved. The gale had abated, and all that day,
staggering and falling, crawling till hands and knees bled, I vainly
sought water.
That night, nearer death than ever, I sheltered behind a rock from
the wind. A heavy shower of rain made me miserable. I removed my
various coats and spread them to soak up the rain; but, when I came
to wring the moisture from them into my mouth, I was disappointed,
because the cloth had been thoroughly impregnated with the salt of
the ocean in which I had been immersed. I lay on my back, my mouth
open to catch the few rain-drops that fell directly into it. It was
tantalizing, but it kept my membranes moist and me from madness.
The second day I was a very sick man. I, who had not eaten for so
long, began to swell to a monstrous fatness--my legs, my arms, my
whole body. With the slightest of pressures my fingers would sink
in a full inch into my skin, and the depressions so made were long
in going away. Yet did I labour sore in order to fulfil God's will
that I should live. Carefully, with my hands, I cleaned out the
salt water from every slight hole, in the hope that succeeding
showers of rain might fill them with water that I could drink.
My sad lot and the memories of the loved ones at Elkton threw me
into a melancholy, so that I often lost my recollection for hours at
a time. This was a mercy, for it veiled me from my sufferings that
else would have killed me.
In the night I was roused by the beat of rain, and I crawled from
hole to hole, lapping up the rain or licking it from the rocks.
Brackish it was, but drinkable. It was what saved me, for, toward
morning, I awoke to find myself in a profuse perspiration and quite
free of all delirium.
Then came the sun, the first time since my stay on the island, and I
spread most of my garments to dry. Of water I drank my careful
fill, and I calculated there was ten days' supply if carefully
husbanded. It was amazing how rich I felt with this vast wealth of
brackish water. And no great merchant, with all his ships returned
from prosperous voyages, his warehouses filled to the rafters, his
strong-boxes overflowing, could have felt as wealthy as did I when I
discovered, cast up on the rocks, the body of a seal that had been
dead for many days. Nor did I fail, first, to thank God on my knees
for this manifestation of His ever-unfailing kindness. The thing
was clear to me: God had not intended I should die. From the very
first He had not so intended.
I knew the debilitated state of my stomach, and I ate sparingly in
the knowledge that my natural voracity would surely kill me did I
yield myself to it. Never had sweeter morsels passed my lips, and I
make free to confess that I shed tears of joy, again and again, at
contemplation of that putrefied carcass.
My heart of hope beat strong in me once more. Carefully I preserved
the portions of the carcass remaining. Carefully I covered my rock
cisterns with flat stones so that the sun's rays might not evaporate
the precious fluid and in precaution against some upspringing of
wind in the night and the sudden flying of spray. Also I gathered
me tiny fragments of seaweed and dried them in the sun for an
easement between my poor body and the rough rocks whereon I made my
lodging. And my garments were dry--the first time in days; so that
I slept the heavy sleep of exhaustion and of returning health.
When I awoke to a new day I was another man. The absence of the sun
did not depress me, and I was swiftly to learn that God, not
forgetting me while I slumbered, had prepared other and wonderful
blessings for me. I would have fain rubbed my eyes and looked
again, for, as far as I could see, the rocks bordering upon the
ocean were covered with seals. There were thousands of them, and in
the water other thousands disported themselves, while the sound that
went up from all their throats was prodigious and deafening. I knew
it when: I saw it--meat lay there for the taking, meat sufficient
for a score of ships' companies.
I directly seized my oar--than which there was no other stick of
wood on the island--and cautiously advanced upon all that immensity
of provender. It was quickly guessed by me that these creatures of
the sea were unacquainted with man. They betrayed no signals of
timidity at my approach, and I found it a boy's task to rap them on
the head with the oar.
And when I had so killed my third and my fourth, I went immediately
and strangely mad. Indeed quite bereft was I of all judgment as I
slew and slew and continued to slay. For the space of two hours I
toiled unceasingly with the oar till I was ready to drop. What
excess of slaughter I might have been guilty of I know not, for at
the end of that time, as if by a signal, all the seals that still
lived threw themselves into the water and swiftly disappeared.
I found the number of slain seals to exceed two hundred, and I was
shocked and frightened because of the madness of slaughter that had
possessed me. I had sinned by wanton wastefulness, and after I had
duly refreshed myself with this good wholesome food, I set about as
well as I could to make amends. But first, ere the great task
began, I returned thanks to that Being through whose mercy I had
been so miraculously preserved. Thereupon I laboured until dark,
and after dark, skinning the seals, cutting the meat into strips,
and placing it upon the tops of rocks to dry in the sun. Also, I
found small deposits of salt in the nooks and crannies of the rocks
on the weather side of the island. This I rubbed into the meat as a
preservative.
Four days I so toiled, and in the end was foolishly proud before God
in that no scrap of all that supply of meat had been wasted. The
unremitting labour was good for my body, which built up rapidly by
means of this wholesome diet in which I did not stint myself.
Another evidence of God's mercy; never, in the eight years I spent
on that barren islet, was there so long a spell of clear weather and
steady sunshine as in the period immediately following the slaughter
of the seals.
Months were to pass ore ever the seals revisited my island. But in
the meantime I was anything but idle. I built me a hut of stone,
and, adjoining it, a storehouse for my cured meat. The hut I roofed
with many seal-skins, so that it was fairly water-proof. But I
could never cease to marvel, when the rain beat on that roof, that
no less than a king's ransom in the London fur market protected a
castaway sailor from the elements.
I was quickly aware of the importance of keeping some kind of
reckoning of time, without which I was sensible that I should soon
lose all knowledge of the day of the week, and be unable to
distinguish one from the other, and not know which was the Lord's
day.
I remembered back carefully to the reckoning of time kept in the
longboat by Captain Nicholl; and carefully, again and again, to make
sure beyond any shadow of uncertainty, I went over the tale of the
days and nights I had spent on the island. Then, by seven stones
outside my hut, I kept my weekly calendar. In one place on the oar
I cut a small notch for each week, and in another place on the oar I
notched the months, being duly careful indeed, to reckon in the
additional days to each month over and beyond the four weeks.
Thus I was enabled to pay due regard to the Sabbath. As the only
mode of worship I could adopt, I carved a short hymn, appropriate to
my situation, on the oar, which I never failed to chant on the
Sabbath. God, in His all-mercy, had not forgotten me; nor did I, in
those eight years, fail at all proper times to remember God.
It was astonishing the work required, under such circumstances, to
supply one's simple needs of food and shelter. Indeed, I was rarely
idle, that first year. The hut, itself a mere lair of rocks,
nevertheless took six weeks of my time. The tardy curing and the
endless scraping of the sealskins, so as to make them soft and
pliable for garments, occupied my spare moments for months and
months.
Then there was the matter of my water supply. After any heavy gale,
the flying spray salted my saved rainwater, so that at times I was
grievously put to live through till fresh rains fell unaccompanied
by high winds. Aware that a continual dropping will wear a stone, I
selected a large stone, fine and tight of texture and, by means of
smaller stones, I proceeded to pound it hollow. In five weeks of
most arduous toil I managed thus to make a jar which I estimated to
hold a gallon and a half. Later, I similarly made a four-gallon
jar. It took me nine weeks. Other small ones I also made from time
to time. One, that would have contained eight gallons, developed a
flaw when I had worked seven weeks on it.
But it was not until my fourth year on the island, when I had become
reconciled to the possibility that I might continue to live there
for the term of my natural life, that I created my masterpiece. It
took me eight months, but it was tight, and it held upwards of
thirty gallons. These stone vessels were a great gratification to
me--so much so, that at times I forgot my humility and was unduly
vain of them. Truly, they were more elegant to me than was ever the
costliest piece of furniture to any queen. Also, I made me a small
rock vessel, containing no more than a quart, with which to convey
water from the catching-places to my large receptacles. When I say
that this one-quart vessel weighed all of two stone, the reader will
realize that the mere gathering of the rainwater was no light task.
Thus, I rendered my lonely situation as comfortable as could be
expected. I had completed me a snug and secure shelter; and, as to
provision, I had always on hand a six months' supply, preserved by
salting and drying. For these things, so essential to preserve
life, and which one could scarcely have expected to obtain upon a
desert island, I was sensible that I could not be too thankful.
Although denied the privilege of enjoying the society of any human
creature, not even of a dog or a cat, I was far more reconciled to
my lot than thousands probably would have been. Upon the desolate
spot, where fate had placed me, I conceived myself far more happy
than many, who, for ignominious crimes, were doomed to drag out
their lives in solitary confinement with conscience ever biting as a
corrosive canker.
However dreary my prospects, I was not without hope that that
Providence, which, at the very moment when hunger threatened me with
dissolution, and when I might easily have been engulfed in the maw
of the sea, had cast me upon those barren rocks, would finally
direct some one to my relief.
If deprived of the society of my fellow creatures, and of the
conveniences of life, I could not but reflect that my forlorn
situation was yet attended with some advantages. Of the whole
island, though small, I had peaceable possession. No one, it was
probable, would ever appear to dispute my claim, unless it were the
amphibious animals of the ocean. Since the island was almost
inaccessible, at night my repose was not disturbed by continual
apprehension of the approach of cannibals or of beasts of prey.
Again and again I thanked God on my knees for these various and many
benefactions.
Yet is man ever a strange and unaccountable creature. I, who had
asked of God's mercy no more than putrid meat to eat and a
sufficiency of water not too brackish, was no sooner blessed with an
abundance of cured meat and sweet water than I began to know
discontent with my lot. I began to want fire, and the savour of
cooked meat in my mouth. And continually I would discover myself
longing for certain delicacies of the palate such as were part of
the common daily fare on the home table at Elkton. Strive as I
would, ever my fancy eluded my will and wantoned in day-dreaming of
the good things I had eaten and of the good things I would eat if
ever I were rescued from my lonely situation.
It was the old Adam in me, I suppose--the taint of that first father
who was the first rebel against God's commandments. Most strange is
man, ever insatiable, ever unsatisfied, never at peace with God or
himself, his days filled with restlessness and useless endeavour,
his nights a glut of vain dreams of desires wilful and wrong. Yes,
and also I was much annoyed by my craving for tobacco. My sleep was
often a torment to me, for it was then that my desires took licence
to rove, so that a thousand times I dreamed myself possessed of
hogsheads of tobacco--ay, and of warehouses of tobacco, and of
shiploads and of entire plantations of tobacco.
But I revenged myself upon myself. I prayed God unceasingly for a
humble heart, and chastised my flesh with unremitting toil. Unable
to improve my mind, I determined to improve my barren island. I
laboured four months at constructing a stone wall thirty feet long,
including its wings, and a dozen feet high. This was as a
protection to the hut in the periods of the great gales when all the
island was as a tiny petrel in the maw of the hurricane. Nor did I
conceive the time misspent. Thereafter I lay snug in the heart of
calm while all the air for a hundred feet above my head was one
stream of gust-driven water.
In the third year I began me a pillar of rock. Rather was it a
pyramid, four-square, broad at the base, sloping upward not steeply
to the apex. In this fashion I was compelled to build, for gear and
timber there was none in all the island for the construction of
scaffolding. Not until the close of the fifth year was my pyramid
complete. It stood on the summit of the island. Now, when I state
that the summit was but forty feet above the sea, and that the peak
of my pyramid was forty feet above the summit, it will be conceived
that I, without tools, had doubled the stature of the island. It
might be urged by some unthinking ones that I interfered with God's
plan in the creation of the world. Not so, I hold. For was not I
equally a part of God's plan, along with this heap of rocks
upjutting in the solitude of ocean? My arms with which to work, my
back with which to bend and lift, my hands cunning to clutch and
hold--were not these parts too in God's plan? Much I pondered the
matter. I know that I was right.
In the sixth year I increased the base of my pyramid, so that in
eighteen months thereafter the height of my monument was fifty feet
above the height of the island. This was no tower of Babel. It
served two right purposes. It gave me a lookout from which to scan
the ocean for ships, and increased the likelihood of my island being
sighted by the careless roving eye of any seaman. And it kept my
body and mind in health. With hands never idle, there was small
opportunity for Satan on that island. Only in my dreams did he
torment me, principally with visions of varied foods and with
imagined indulgence in the foul weed called tobacco.
On the eighteenth day of the month of June, in the sixth year of my
sojourn on the island, I descried a sail. But it passed far to
leeward at too great a distance to discover me. Rather than
suffering disappointment, the very appearance of this sail afforded
me the liveliest satisfaction. It convinced me of a fact that I had
before in a degree doubted, to wit: that these seas were sometimes
visited by navigators.
Among other things, where the seals hauled up out of the sea, I
built wide-spreading wings of low rock walls that narrowed to a cul
de sac, where I might conveniently kill such seals as entered
without exciting their fellows outside and without permitting any
wounded or frightening seal to escape and spread a contagion of
alarm. Seven months to this structure alone were devoted.
As the time passed, I grew more contented with my lot, and the devil
came less and less in my sleep to torment the old Adam in me with
lawless visions of tobacco and savoury foods. And I continued to
eat my seal meat and call it good, and to drink the sweet rainwater
of which always I had plenty, and to be grateful to God. And God
heard me, I know, for during all my term on that island I knew never
a moment of sickness, save two, both of which were due to my
gluttony, as I shall later relate.
In the fifth year, ere I had convinced myself that the keels of
ships did on occasion plough these seas, I began carving on my oar
minutes of the more remarkable incidents that had attended me since
I quitted the peaceful shores of America. This I rendered as
intelligible and permanent as possible, the letters being of the
smallest size. Six, and even five, letters were often a day's work
for me, so painstaking was I.
And, lest it should prove my hard fortune never to meet with the
long-wished opportunity to return to my friends and to my family at
Elkton, I engraved, or nitched, on the broad end of the oar, the
legend of my ill fate which I have already quoted near the beginning
of this narrative.
This oar, which had proved so serviceable to me in my destitute
situation, and which now contained a record of my own fate and that
of my shipmates, I spared no pains to preserve. No longer did I
risk it in knocking seals on the head. Instead, I equipped myself
with a stone club, some three feet in length and of suitable
diameter, which occupied an even month in the fashioning. Also, to
secure the oar from the weather (for I used it in mild breezes as a
flagstaff on top of my pyramid from which to fly a flag I made me
from one of my precious shirts) I contrived for it a covering of
well-cured sealskins.
In the month of March of the sixth year of my confinement I
experienced one of the most tremendous storms that was perhaps ever
witnessed by man. It commenced at about nine in the evening, with
the approach of black clouds and a freshening wind from the south-
west, which, by eleven, had become a hurricane, attended with
incessant peals of thunder and the sharpest lightning I had ever
witnessed.
I was not without apprehension for the safety of the island. Over
every part the seas made a clean breach, except of the summit of my
pyramid. There the life was nigh beaten and suffocated out of my
body by the drive of the wind and spray. I could not but be
sensible that my existence was spared solely because of my diligence
in erecting the pyramid and so doubling the stature of the island.
Yet, in the morning, I had great reason for thankfulness. All my
saved rainwater was turned brackish, save that in my largest vessel
which was sheltered in the lee of the pyramid. By careful economy I
knew I had drink sufficient until the next rain, no matter how
delayed, should fall. My hut was quite washed out by the seas, and
of my great store of seal meat only a wretched, pulpy modicum
remained. Nevertheless I was agreeably surprised to find the rocks
plentifully distributed with a sort of fish more nearly like the
mullet than any I had ever observed. Of these I picked up no less
than twelve hundred and nineteen, which I split and cured in the sun
after the manner of cod. This welcome change of diet was not
without its consequence. I was guilty of gluttony, and for all of
the succeeding night I was near to death's door.
In the seventh year of my stay on the island, in the very same month
of March, occurred a similar storm of great violence. Following
upon it, to my astonishment, I found an enormous dead whale, quite
fresh, which had been cast up high and dry by the waves. Conceive
my gratification when in the bowels of the great fish I found deeply
imbedded a harpoon of the common sort with a few fathoms of new line
attached thereto.
Thus were my hopes again revived that I should finally meet with an
opportunity to quit the desolate island. Beyond doubt these seas
were frequented by whalemen, and, so long as I kept up a stout
heart, sooner or later I should be saved. For seven years I had
lived on seal meat, so that at sight of the enormous plentitude of
different and succulent food I fell a victim to my weakness and ate
of such quantities that once again I was well nigh to dying. And
yet, after all, this, and the affair of the small fish, were mere
indispositions due to the foreignness of the food to my stomach,
which had learned to prosper on seal meat and on nothing but seal
meat.
Of that one whale I preserved a full year's supply of provision.
Also, under the sun's rays, in the rock hollows, I tried out much of
the oil, which, with the addition of salt, was a welcome thing in
which to dip my strips of seal-meat whilst dining. Out of my
precious rags of shirts I could even have contrived a wick, so that,
with the harpoon for steel and rock for flint, I might have had a
light at night. But it was a vain thing, and I speedily forwent the
thought of it. I had no need for light when God's darkness
descended, for I had schooled myself to sleep from sundown to
sunrise, winter and summer.
I, Darrell Standing, cannot refrain from breaking in on this recital
of an earlier existence in order to note a conclusion of my own.
Since human personality is a growth, a sum of all previous
existences added together, what possibility was there for Warden
Atherton to break down my spirit in the inquisition of solitary? I
am life that survived, a structure builded up through the ages of
the past--and such a past! What were ten days and nights in the
jacket to me?--to me, who had once been Daniel Foss, and for eight
years learned patience in that school of rocks in the far South
Ocean?
At the end of my eighth year on the island in the month of
September, when I had just sketched most ambitious plans to raise my
pyramid to sixty feet above the summit of the island, I awoke one
morning to stare out upon a ship with topsails aback and nearly
within hail. That I might be discovered, I swung my oar in the air,
jumped from rock to rock, and was guilty of all manner of
livelinesses of action, until I could see the officers on the
quarter-deck looking at me through their spyglasses. They answered
by pointing to the extreme westerly end of the island, whither I
hastened and discovered their boat manned by half a dozen men. It
seems, as I was to learn afterward, the ship had been attracted by
my pyramid and had altered its course to make closer examination of
so strange a structure that was greater of height than the wild
island on which it stood.
But the surf proved to be too great to permit the boat to land on my
inhospitable shore. After divers unsuccessful attempts they
signalled me that they must return to the ship. Conceive my despair
at thus being unable to quit the desolate island. I seized my oar
(which I had long since determined to present to the Philadelphia
Museum if ever I were preserved) and with it plunged headlong into
the foaming surf. Such was my good fortune, and my strength and
agility, that I gained the boat.
I cannot refrain from telling here a curious incident. The ship had
by this time drifted so far away, that we were all of an hour in
getting aboard. During this time I yielded to my propensities that
had been baffled for eight long years, and begged of the second
mate, who steered, a piece of tobacco to chew. This granted, the
second mate also proffered me his pipe, filled with prime Virginia
leaf. Scarce had ten minutes passed when I was taken violently
sick. The reason for this was clear. My system was entirely purged
of tobacco, and what I now suffered was tobacco poisoning such as
afflicts any boy at the time of his first smoke. Again I had reason
to be grateful to God, and from that day to the day of my death, I
neither used nor desired the foul weed.
I, Darrell Standing, must now complete the amazingness of the
details of this existence which I relived while unconscious in the
strait-jacket in San Quentin prison. I often wondered if Daniel
Foss had been true in his resolve and deposited the carved oar in
the Philadelphia Museum.
It is a difficult matter for a prisoner in solitary to communicate
with the outside world. Once, with a guard, and once with a short-
timer in solitary, I entrusted, by memorization, a letter of inquiry
addressed to the curator of the Museum. Although under the most
solemn pledges, both these men failed me. It was not until after Ed
Morrell, by a strange whirl of fate, was released from solitary and
appointed head trusty of the entire prison, that I was able to have
the letter sent. I now give the reply, sent me by the curator of
the Philadelphia Museum, and smuggled to me by Ed Morrell:
"It is true there is such an oar here as you have described. But
few persons can know of it, for it is not on exhibition in the
public rooms. In fact, and I have held this position for eighteen
years, I was unaware of its existence myself.
"But upon consulting our old records I found that such an oar had
been presented by one Daniel Foss, of Elkton, Maryland, in the year
1821. Not until after a long search did we find the oar in a
disused attic lumber-room of odds and ends. The notches and the
legend are carved on the oar just as you have described.
"We have also on file a pamphlet presented at the same time, written
by the said Daniel Foss, and published in Boston by the firm of N.
Coverly, Jr., in the year 1834. This pamphlet describes eight years
of a castaway's life on a desert island. It is evident that this
mariner, in his old age and in want, hawked this pamphlet about
among the charitable.
"I am very curious to learn how you became aware of this oar, of the
existence of which we of the museum were ignorant. Am I correct in
assuming that you have read an account in some diary published later
by this Daniel Foss? I shall be glad for any information on the
subject, and am proceeding at once to have the oar and the pamphlet
put back on exhibition.
Very truly yours,
"HOSEA SALSBURTY." {1}
CHAPTER XX
The time came when I humbled Warden Atherton to unconditional
surrender, making a vain and empty mouthing of his ultimatum,
"Dynamite or curtains." He gave me up as one who could not be
killed in a strait-jacket. He had had men die after several hours
in the jacket. He had had men die after several days in the jacket,
although, invariably, they were unlaced and carted into hospital ere
they breathed their last . . . and received a death certificate from
the doctor of pneumonia, or Bright's disease, or valvular disease of
the heart.
But me Warden Atherton could never kill. Never did the urgency
arise of carting my maltreated and perishing carcass to the
hospital. Yet I will say that Warden Atherton tried his best and
dared his worst. There was the time when he double-jacketed me. It
is so rich an incident that I must tell it.
It happened that one of the San Francisco newspapers (seeking, as
every newspaper and as every commercial enterprise seeks, a market
that will enable it to realize a profit) tried to interest the
radical portion of the working class in prison reform. As a result,
union labour possessing an important political significance at the
time, the time-serving politicians at Sacramento appointed a
senatorial committee of investigation of the state prisons.
This State Senate committee INVESTIGATED (pardon my italicized
sneer) San Quentin. Never was there so model an institution of
detention. The convicts themselves so testified. Nor can one blame
them. They had experienced similar investigations in the past.
They knew on which side their bread was buttered. They knew that
all their sides and most of their ribs would ache very quickly after
the taking of their testimony . . . if said testimony were adverse
to the prison administration. Oh, believe me, my reader, it is a
very ancient story. It was ancient in old Babylon, many a thousand
years ago, as I well remember of that old time when I rotted in
prison while palace intrigues shook the court.
As I have said, every convict testified to the humaneness of Warden
Atherton's administration. In fact, so touching were their
testimonials to the kindness of the Warden, to the good and varied
quality of the food and the cooking, to the gentleness of the
guards, and to the general decency and ease and comfort of the
prison domicile, that the opposition newspapers of San Francisco
raised an indignant cry for more rigour in the management of our
prisons, in that, otherwise, honest but lazy citizens would be
seduced into seeking enrolment as prison guests.
The Senate Committee even invaded solitary, where the three of us
had little to lose and nothing to gain. Jake Oppenheimer spat in
its faces and told its members, all and sundry, to go to hell. Ed
Morrell told them what a noisome stews the place was, insulted the
Warden to his face, and was recommended by the committee to be given
a taste of the antiquated and obsolete punishments that, after all,
must have been devised by previous Wardens out of necessity for the
right handling of hard characters like him.
I was careful not to insult the Warden. I testified craftily, and
as a scientist, beginning with small beginnings, making an art of my
exposition, step by step, by tiny steps, inveigling my senatorial
auditors on into willingness and eagerness to listen to the next
exposure, the whole fabric so woven that there was no natural
halting place at which to drop a period or interpolate a query . . .
in this fashion, thus, I got my tale across.
Alas! no whisper of what I divulged ever went outside the prison
walls. The Senate Committee gave a beautiful whitewash to Warden
Atherton and San Quentin. The crusading San Francisco newspaper
assured its working-class readers that San Quentin was whiter than
snow, and further, that while it was true that the strait-jacket was
still a recognized legal method of punishment for the refractory,
that, nevertheless, at the present time, under the present humane
and spiritually right-minded Warden, the strait-jacket was never,
under any circumstance, used.
And while the poor asses of labourers read and believed, while the
Senate Committee dined and wined with the Warden at the expense of
the state and the tax payer, Ed Morrell, Jake Oppenheimer, and I
were lying in our jackets, laced just a trifle more tightly and more
vindictively than we had ever been laced before.
"It is to laugh," Ed Morrell tapped to me, with the edge of the sole
of his shoe.
"I should worry," tapped Jake.
And as for me, I too capped my bitter scorn and laughter, remembered
the prison houses of old Babylon, smiled to myself a huge cosmic
smile, and drifted off and away into the largeness of the little
death that made me heir of all the ages and the rider full-panoplied
and astride of time.
Yea, dear brother of the outside world, while the whitewash was
running off the press, while the august senators were wining and
dining, we three of the living dead, buried alive in solidarity,
were sweating our pain in the canvas torture.
And after the dinner, warm with wine, Warden Atherton himself came
to see how fared it with us. Me, as usual, they found in coma.
Doctor Jackson for the first time must have been alarmed. I was
brought back across the dark to consciousness with the bite of
ammonia in my nostrils. I smiled into the faces bent over me.
"Shamming," snorted the Warden, and I knew by the flush on his face
and the thickness in his tongue that he had been drinking.
I licked my lips as a sign for water, for I desired to speak.
"You are an ass," I at last managed to say with cold distinctness.
"You are an ass, a coward, a cur, a pitiful thing so low that
spittle would be wasted on your face. In such matter Jake
Oppenheimer is over-generous with you. As for me, without shame I
tell you the only reason I do not spit upon you is that I cannot
demean myself nor so degrade my spittle."
"I've reached the limit of my patience!" he bellowed. "I will kill
you, Standing!"
"You've been drinking," I retorted. "And I would advise you, if you
must say such things, not to take so many of your prison curs into
your confidence. They will snitch on you some day, and you will
lose your job."
But the wine was up and master of him.
"Put another jacket on him," he commanded. "You are a dead man,
Standing. But you'll not die in the jacket. We'll bury you from
the hospital."
This time, over the previous jacket, the second jacket was put on
from behind and laced up in front.
"Lord, Lord, Warden, it is bitter weather," I sneered. "The frost
is sharp. Wherefore I am indeed grateful for your giving me two
jackets. I shall be almost comfortable."
"Tighter!" he urged to Al Hutchins, who was drawing the lacing.
"Throw your feet into the skunk. Break his ribs."
I must admit that Hutchins did his best.
"You WILL lie about me," the Warden raved, the flush of wine and
wrath flooding ruddier into his face. "Now see what you get for it.
Your number is taken at last, Standing. This is your finish. Do
you hear? This is your finish."
"A favour, Warden," I whispered faintly. Faint I was. Perforce I
was nearly unconscious from the fearful constriction. "Make it a
triple jacketing," I managed to continue, while the cell walls
swayed and reeled about me and while I fought with all my will to
hold to my consciousness that was being squeezed out of me by the
jackets. "Another jacket . . . Warden . . . It . . . will . . . be
. . . so . . . much . . . er . . . warmer."
And my whisper faded away as I ebbed down into the little death.
I was never the same man after that double-jacketing. Never again,
to this day, no matter what my food, was I properly nurtured. I
suffered internal injuries to an extent I never cared to
investigate. The old pain in my ribs and stomach is with me now as
I write these lines. But the poor, maltreated machinery has served
its purpose. It has enabled me to live thus far, and it will enable
me to live the little longer to the day they take me out in the
shirt without a collar and stretch my neck with the well-stretched
rope.
But the double-jacketing was the last straw. It broke down Warden
Atherton. He surrendered to the demonstration that I was
unkillable. As I told him once:
"The only way you can get me, Warden, is to sneak in here some night
with a hatchet."
Jake Oppenheimer was responsible for a good one on the Warden which
I must relate:
"I say, Warden, it must be straight hell for you to have to wake up
every morning with yourself on your pillow."
And Ed Morrell to the Warden:
"Your mother must have been damn fond of children to have raised
you."
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